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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People posting picture of their ill children

262 replies

Notsowifeymaterial · 10/03/2017 13:28

So normally when I'm browsing on fb and see someone's posted a picture of their child on the sofa or in bed captioned aw my poorly baby 😢 I usually ignore it or if it's a friend I'll comment hope they feel better soon etc.
But yesterday someone on my friends list posted a picture of their child actually on a stretcher in the back of an ambulance captioned poor baby off to hospital. He's struggling to breathe.
I was imaging the scenario as this..
Paramedic - right ok we need to get this child to the hospital right now. Mum are you ready?
Mum - hang on can you just step back a sec whilst I take a photo.
Paramedic - umm.....
Mum - ok I'll just take one more so I can see which is best, ok got it. Hmm should I apply a filter. Which one will get me more likes do you think? shows paramedic the photos
Paramedic - um I'm sorry miss but we do really need to get to the hospital?
Mum - right of course. Let's go. Does the ambulance have wifi so I can post it on Facebook?
paramedic internally facepalms
BTW the child ended up being fine and is now home.
Aibu to think that that's just inappropriate for a mother to do?

OP posts:
FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers · 12/03/2017 12:43

When I took photos of my dd last year in an ambulance, in the hospital, on the way to surgery, after surgery etc it was because I knew all too well that she may very well die and those would be the last pictures I would have of her.

If I chose to share them that would be up to me.

The only pictures I have of my other dd are when she was seriously ill, she then died. If I chose to share them then that's up to me.

I have photos of my ds in hospital, I have photos of him seriously ill and even photos from after he died.

If I chose to share them that's up to me.

Since when is asking for support or even attention a bad thing. Some of the loneliest times I have ever spent have been in hospital, some of the scariest times have been when my kids have been seriously ill. A little bit of compassion, support or even friendly contact would have made all the difference.

People complain about technology cutting us off from real people, but if you use it to reach out to real people you get slated for it.

You just can't win.

GrommitsEarsHurt · 12/03/2017 12:48

Fish so sorry for your losses Flowers

You raise a very good point. Maybe I'm being unfair.

Justwantcookies · 12/03/2017 12:52

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Owllady · 12/03/2017 12:52

I'm sorry Fish :( Flowers

flumpsnshit · 12/03/2017 12:54

My daughters ankle was dislocated when we were snowboarding in France totally my fault I was frantically trying to pack ice in her sock to slow swelling and looked up to my best mate filming the whole thing Angry she hadn't even gone for help first. It was uploaded to fb before we got to the medi centre, much to my family's horror, back home.

Owllady · 12/03/2017 12:56

Sorry to hear about your 3 seriously ill children (2 who have died if you read the post properly) but I'm going to try and cut you down a peg or two anyway. Is that how it is justwant?

Fish is right. Some people do need to have a bit more compassion. Nicely illustrated

flumpsnshit · 12/03/2017 13:00

FishFlowers** absolutely your choice and in those circumstances I think the only right thing is what you feel.

MissDemelzaCarne · 12/03/2017 13:03

Very sorry to hear that Fish and really sorry to see people judging how you managed your grief. Flowers

FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers · 12/03/2017 13:03

But you really took pictures of your very sick dd in ambulance, hospital, surgery? And posted them to FB? Because you thought she was actually going to die and these would be the last pictures of her?

Two of my children have died. My dd was very seriously ill last year and fortunately recovered really well and has just been signed off from the hospital.

I had my phone there in my hand waiting for people to text about childcare etc and know how precious the photos of my other children are to me. The ambulance photos were of her being transferred to a hospital hours away, she was asleep and being monitored and I was sitting there strapped into the ambulance. When I knew she was going to surgery I took photos, I also took photos in the recovery room.

I didn't do that with my son and I regret it now as those were important moments and now it has been so long I barely remember it.

I didn't post them to FB as I don't have it, but it would have been my choice if I did.

So you can take your judgemental 'jesus' because I don't bloody care.

Different life experiences give people different perspectives. Be grateful that your life experiences haven't given you the same perspectives as I have.

FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers · 12/03/2017 13:06

Thank you to everyone else Flowers

Some people do need to have a bit more compassion < I think that sums up this whole thread.

GrommitsEarsHurt · 12/03/2017 13:13

Fish, I have just realised that the lady I know who posts pictures of her children doing.....well, everything, doesn't have reliable family support, so perhaps she is posting for the feedback that she can get. Maybe it's a sign she's needs more support.

So, with that in mind, I've changed my opinion and now feel like a bit of a cow Blush

TheOnlyLivingToyInNewYork · 12/03/2017 13:18

It seriously entered your head to whip out your camera at that moments?

Don't be a dick. FFS. The woman just told you 2 of her children died and you're still judging her? WTF is wrong with you?

FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers · 12/03/2017 13:19

GrommitsEarsHurt I don't think something not occurring to you makes you a cow at all.

In fact (without trying to sound patronising) the fact you've listened to people on here and admitted you might have been hasty in your judgement makes you pretty great imo Flowers

10storeylovesong · 12/03/2017 13:20

My Facebook privacy settings are set very high and I genuinely only have friends and family on there. My ds was born very prem and very poorly and I posted the first photo I took of him (complete with wires and tubes) because I was very proud of my beautiful little fighter. It was much quicker than trying to send a round robin text, and in my tired and confused state trying to remember who to include and panicking about upsetting people by leaving them out. I've also posted subsequent post op photos as I knew people were worried and again it's quicker and easier.

I'm still reeling from the fact that a previous poster found it insensitive that someone posted a photo of them with their stillborn as it made them upset as they were pregnant. That's nothing to the hell they'd have been going through and if they wanted to share those precious moments with their child that's their choice. I really hope you never have to find out how you'd react in that situation.

Justwantcookies · 12/03/2017 13:23

Well sorry but if my child was in the process dying I wouldn't be bloody photographing it.

PageNowFoundFileUnderSpartacus · 12/03/2017 13:23

Don't be a dick. FFS. The woman just told you 2 of her children died and you're still judging her? WTF is wrong with you?

This!

Flowers Fish, I can't begin to comprehend how awful that must have been for you. I'm glad to hear your DD made a good recovery.

GrommitsEarsHurt · 12/03/2017 13:25

Thanks Fish FlowersSmile

PageNowFoundFileUnderSpartacus · 12/03/2017 13:28

Well sorry but if my child was in the process dying I wouldn't be bloody photographing it.

Easy to say when you haven't been in that position, isn't it?

And please stop saying "sorry" because you clearly aren't.

TheOnlyLivingToyInNewYork · 12/03/2017 13:29

Well sorry but if my child was in the process dying I wouldn't be bloody photographing it

How the fuck do you know what you'd do?

Sod off until you find some basic human decency.

FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers · 12/03/2017 13:32

Well sorry but if my child was in the process dying I wouldn't be bloody photographing it.

I daresay I judged people for things I had never been through too before my experiences.

I reacted in a totally different way than I ever thought I would when my son died, and then differently again when, years later, my daughter died.

I guess none of us know how things will be or what we would actually do unless we have been there eh.

Starlight2345 · 12/03/2017 13:49

I am sorry for your loss.

People are very quick to judge..Maybe how can I help would be a more appropriate response.

Well sorry but if my child was in the process dying I wouldn't be bloody photographing it You have no idea what you would do and regardless of what you would do for anyone who loses a child does whatever they need to do..There is not a right or wrong.

SauvignonBlanche · 12/03/2017 14:10

I've been told that my taking a photo of DD was 'in poor taste and disrespectful' though of course 'that isn't being judgmental' Hmm

I'm not sure who I was being 'disrespectful' towards as it was the paramedic who suggested it to just-turned teen DD, who had her own FB account and could choose what went on there?

A picture tells a a thousand words and the image of a smiling DD with both thumbs up reassured anxious cousins who'd been with her when she had her accident. It's a ploy I leaned to use with the PILS who once made a 300 mile surprise journey as they weren't sure I was 'telling then everything' when DH was in hospital, I learnt to send them cheery pictures to reassure them and did the same when I had had some major surgery.

I find being judged by people who nothing of the context of the situation or of my life irritating at worst but can't believe the cruelty of those who leap in to judge a bereaved parent. I've no idea how that must feel. Sad Angry

Owllady · 12/03/2017 14:12

I agree thatt you just do not know how you would behave if your child was terminally ill, dying or had died. People are not robots. It's well know that in times of trauma you block things out. It's a way of your body coping with things, so I completely understand why fish would want photos of the room.

I went to a city recently that I wasn't aware I had ever been to. My sister was treated and died in a hospital nearby. When I got there I realised I had been there before with her, when she was very poorly and it completely freaked me out :( so from that pic I think taking photos, keeping a diary etc is a good way of processing this. Your body and mind are very complex in what you can or can't remember.

Just be a bit more thoughtful. I'm not a Facebook evangelist but I am aware I don't know what is going on in other people's lives or past that I don't know about.

Owllady · 12/03/2017 14:15

It's also worth remembering that when you have someone in your family that is very poorly or even dying, you may have been at that point before and they'd rallied, got better again. It's always a shock when someone dies because you always have hope that they will get better, there will be a new drug. It's your way of coping with what is happening and it gives you the skill to stay strong.

Deadsouls · 12/03/2017 15:30

Well sorry but if my child was in the process dying I wouldn't be bloody photographing it.

Shame on you justwantcookies has your empathy been sucked out of?

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