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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People posting picture of their ill children

262 replies

Notsowifeymaterial · 10/03/2017 13:28

So normally when I'm browsing on fb and see someone's posted a picture of their child on the sofa or in bed captioned aw my poorly baby 😢 I usually ignore it or if it's a friend I'll comment hope they feel better soon etc.
But yesterday someone on my friends list posted a picture of their child actually on a stretcher in the back of an ambulance captioned poor baby off to hospital. He's struggling to breathe.
I was imaging the scenario as this..
Paramedic - right ok we need to get this child to the hospital right now. Mum are you ready?
Mum - hang on can you just step back a sec whilst I take a photo.
Paramedic - umm.....
Mum - ok I'll just take one more so I can see which is best, ok got it. Hmm should I apply a filter. Which one will get me more likes do you think? shows paramedic the photos
Paramedic - um I'm sorry miss but we do really need to get to the hospital?
Mum - right of course. Let's go. Does the ambulance have wifi so I can post it on Facebook?
paramedic internally facepalms
BTW the child ended up being fine and is now home.
Aibu to think that that's just inappropriate for a mother to do?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 10/03/2017 14:36

You're not sharing photos of your kids with everyone on the internet, you're not attention seeking from strangers.

That depends entirely on who the parents have chosen to have on their friend list, and on their privacy settings.

Cover photos and profile photos are seen by everyone.

humourless · 10/03/2017 14:36

Long term illness is completely different, IMO.

Parents dealing with ages in hospital or raising awareness or whatever can do whatever the hell they like as long as the child doesn't suffer further, which I cannot think how they might.

WaegukSaram · 10/03/2017 14:37

You get that its meant to be your friends and family that see what you put on FB, yes? You're not sharing photos of your kids with everyone on the internet, you're not attention seeking from strangers.

Facebook is a private company, and they own the copyright to your pictures. There is no way of knowing where they'll end up in the future, and the implications that will have for your children.

JaneEyre70 · 10/03/2017 14:37

My grandson has been blue-lit to hospital in an ambulance on several occasions as he suffers from terrible croup - the last time, he had 4 paramedics treating him and I went with him in the ambulance as my DD was due to give birth anyway. The LAST thing on my mind was taking a photo of him, in fact I was in such a flap I forgot my phone. I was more concerned about keeping him calm whilst the paramedics administered his adrenaline and nebuliser. FB is a home for the self-obsesssed in my opinion!!

Original poster
Notsowifeymaterial · 10/03/2017 14:37

Leghoul. You are missing the point of my post. I didn't once say people shouldn't post photos of their children in hospital. As other posters have said they know children who's lives were spent in and out of hospital so obviously many pictures of them are when they are there. My point was about an emergency situation. Where by a child needed life saving treatment quickly and the mother felt that that was an appropriate time to stop and take a photo. Then post it before even knowing if her child would be ok.
I'm sorry but if that was me I would be comforting my child in the ambulance not going on Facebook

OP posts:
TheOnlyLivingToyInNewYork · 10/03/2017 14:38

Facebook is a private company, and they own the copyright to your pictures

Wrong.

WaegukSaram · 10/03/2017 14:40

TheOnly

OK, Facebook is now a public company, and when you upload a photo you are granting them a license to the image. Better?

TheOnlyLivingToyInNewYork · 10/03/2017 14:41

More accurate.

Miserylovescompany2 · 10/03/2017 14:42

So pleased I don't have FB :)

queenofthemountains · 10/03/2017 14:42

My daughter has had 10 operations in 9 years, a lot of time in hospital. There is no way on earth I would put a picture of her in hospital on Facebook. Its her life not mine.

I can't think of anything worse than having pictures of yourself ill and vulnerable ( because you are vulnerable in hospital) put on social media for people to see forever.

Deadsouls · 10/03/2017 14:43

You get that its meant to be your friends and family that see what you put on FB, yes? You're not sharing photos of your kids with everyone on the internet, you're not attention seeking from strangers.

You mean the hundreds of really close friends that people generally interact with on FB

TheOnlyLivingToyInNewYork · 10/03/2017 14:44

"generally"?

PageNowFoundFileUnderSpartacus · 10/03/2017 14:50

It's the thought process in an emergency situation I don't understand. Whenever my DH has had to be hospitalised it just wouldn't occur to me to take a photo of him strapped to a stretcher, much less share it on social media (and I say that as a cheerful user of FB, Twitter, obviously MN). My head is full of worry, hope that he'll be okay, intrusive but unavoidable "what ifs" and then the practical stuff like better ring his daughter, have I got time to grab his meds to take with us so the doctor can see what's what, who can I ask to keep an eye on the pets, have I got my house keys to get back in etc etc. The thought that "must take a photo for FB" is a priority in that thought process is just alien to me.

ElspethFlashman · 10/03/2017 14:50

Seriously, FB should put up a category in our Friends List for "People I Really Liked When I Worked at that Place 10 Years Ago"

Oh and "Cousin I Last Saw at a Wedding Before My Kids Were Even Born"

Oh and "Bloke Who Runs that Class I Do".

WaegukSaram · 10/03/2017 14:53

TheOnly yes, people generally have hundreds of FB friends. A quick google shows turns up varying different figures ranging from 150 - 300.

Asparagusupmynose · 10/03/2017 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Asparagusupmynose · 10/03/2017 14:56

Sorry, should have said any age can have no boundaries with phones, sorry.

Asparagusupmynose · 10/03/2017 14:59

Some people have no boundaries with phones.The cases where people take out phones to film strangers as they are being given CPR. Can you imagine someone doing that to your loved one and putting it online? Will this poor child grow up like this because their mother thinks you need to post photos of it at emergency times? I think we need to be judgy about this to decided where boundaries should lie with taking photos and filming people who don't or can't give consent (like children).
Reported my previous post for being wrong.

leghoul · 10/03/2017 15:01

OP you're right I was responding to the myriad of replies that extended to terminally ill children, stillbirth, post-operative, long term hospital care.
I didn't take a photo of my child in an ambulance when I could have no, but I did take pictures in hospital (not shared online, but had I been active and updating people around the world as my closest friends are abroad, via the internet, maybe I would have occasionally posted a picture because updating 30 people or however many separately and without wanting to enter dialogue when you're sleep deprived and exhausted from weeks and weeks of hospital doesn't make sense. If I'd done that I wouldn';t have been attention seeking.
I think people do need to check their security settings etc and be sure they're happy to share what they have but I also think, assuming children get better and survive etc, they're also often intrigued by a picture or two of them after an operation etc. It's at least a real part of human life unlike photos of breakfast or fitbits. It has a reality to it that is more than the superficial and mundane. That seems to make some people uncomfortable. You don;t have to comment, and you don't have to 'follow' etc the ones who constantly post nonsense - but this is not in that league.

WankingMonkey · 10/03/2017 15:04

I have (or had) a friend on facebook who developed the charming habit of taking a picture of the potty everytime her darling child did a shit..accompanied with 'oh shes such a big girl' and such. I don't understand people sometimes.

WaegukSaram · 10/03/2017 15:05

leghoul I understand informing people around the world. But why a picture? If you think they'll appreciate it in the future why can't you take a picture for your own private use to show them later?

I'm hugely private and don't put anything online. If I'd come of age and found out my parents had documented my childhood online I would've been very upset. I am not sure I would've sued them, but I definitely empathise with that Austrian girl who is doing so!

leghoul · 10/03/2017 15:11

Sometimes it's a positive thing, so for example if a child has been on ICU for weeks and months and then has a day when they can sit up in a chair without having a seizure, or their first day at the park after major surgery and months and months of hospital - to object to pictures of sick children on privacy grounds, well, surely you need to object to all pictures of children, even the smiley happy 'normal' well ones.
Re. Hospital, if you've been in hospital with a child who is critically ill it can be hard to find the words or the energy to even email that many people (if you can get signal or time to do so) I agree though I'd limit the audience, but I feel really strongly people going through this sort of situation shouldn't be judged.

ElspethFlashman · 10/03/2017 15:11

Yes I see no problem with documenting your child's journey through childhood, good and bad (though I honestly think seeing a distressing photo of myself in pain as a child would upset me even now), but putting it on FB for your 250 "friends" to gawp at is unnecessary.

Particularly in the age of WhatsApp when people have group chats with immediate family.

WaegukSaram · 10/03/2017 15:14

Thanks for explaining, leghoul.

I do object to all children on FB on privacy grounds actually, for reasons I've explained. But won't debate that further.

hellomoon · 10/03/2017 15:15

YANBU

Unable to breathe?
In the ambulance?

focus on your child - not your social media profile