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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work forgot my birthday

120 replies

Skyrabbit · 10/03/2017 13:06

I realise this is completely a non-problem!

None of my work colleagues have remembered it's my birthday.

The standard 'thing' here on a birthday is that everyone signs a joint card, and there's a whip round, and everybody goes for lunch/has cake.

Nobody has remembered. Nobody. I've been here 6 years ffs. All the birthdays are in the company diary.

I'm not a special snowflake who wanted a massive hoopla for 'My Special Day' - just a little disappointed - AIBU??

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 10/03/2017 14:43

Just think what you've saved on buying everyone cakes!

Original poster
Skyrabbit · 10/03/2017 14:57

.....well the hurried shop run and whispering has produced a 50p sponge cake, a card with a tenner in, and some slightly panic stricken faces.... Grin

...I'd like to be magnanimous, and be grateful... but it's only because I mentioned it....

OP posts:
skerrywind · 10/03/2017 15:00

The standard 'thing' here on a birthday is that everyone signs a joint card, and there's a whip round, and everybody goes for lunch/has cake.

I have never worked in a place like that OP- what sort of office is it?

I know my OHs workplace doesn't "do" office birthdays either.

But I have only worked in mostly male environments- not sure if that makes a difference,but I suspect so.

Dagnabit · 10/03/2017 15:03

So everyone has put a quid in? I'd rather be forgotten! Spoil yourself, OP, least you get something nice then!

Twistmeandturnme · 10/03/2017 15:10

Hey, It's a tenner, that's a bottle of wine or a lot of cake.
They forgot because they are crap. not because they don't care or deliberately missed you out.
Have a great Birthday Weekend OP!

Original poster
Skyrabbit · 10/03/2017 15:12

skerry It's a professional sort of office, with a 50:50 split between men and women.
Personally I find the whip round thing kinda pointless - it's £3 each.
So, you pay £3 each to 9 other colleagues birthdays, and then get 9 x £3 back on your own birthday. I've always joked that I should keep my birthday money to fund the other birthdays throughout the year.
God I'm a birthday Grinch Hmm

OP posts:
ShowMePotatoSalad · 10/03/2017 15:12

YANBU. You've been there 6 years. I wouldn't take it personally though, unless everyone else gets lavish birthday celebrations it just sounds like your work colleagues are apathetic and a bit lazy.

A friend of mine recently left her job after 10 years and she didn't even get a goodbye. Literally nothing. She's worked so hard for the company and always gone above and beyond including coming in during her non-working hours on request and working late. Makes me wonder what kind of people I work for tbh.

diddl · 10/03/2017 15:17

Has it been forgotten before?

I suppose it's something that they bothered once you pointed it out.

Who usually organises?

It's all so forced though when everyone gives the same amount to everyone, isn't it-makes it all a bit daft imo.

I mean unless you are good friends with any of them, do work colleagues really give a toss about each others bdays?

I think it works better if the bday person takes in cake/biscuits/whatever-or not, as they choose for their bday.

damnedgrubble · 10/03/2017 15:27

iris65 me too - when I had my youngest there was no card or flowers, ditto when I was off ill having an operation and was off for two months.
I don't contribute to any staff collections any more.

Genvonklinkerhoffen · 10/03/2017 15:39

My mum ignores my birthday which makes me a little sad. My dad is quite ill and he always signs the cad from both of them but his illness has affected his handwriting and it makes my heart break a little to see him write "mum".

Have a fab weekend OP!

highinthesky · 10/03/2017 15:45

Happy Birthday, Skyrabbit!

I know that you have now been "caked and gifted" now, but I'd use this incident as a golden opportunity not to be shamed into ever contributing to office birthday gifts ever again. It's a stupid tradition and a complete waste of money.

If you don't, you'll resent being asked to put your hand in your pocket forever more.

Sativa · 10/03/2017 15:46

I knew nobody would remember my birthday as it's during the school holidays and it's normally me who organises birthdays. I've put a small fortune into collections over the years so I dropped some not so subtle hints about wanting my birthday money. I'd given up but a couple of weeks later I received £50 and a slightly crappy last minute card (it was one of a multipack I'd actually bought myself !) but at least I got the money...

Happy Birthday Skyrabbit !

ThreeFish · 10/03/2017 17:57

Well, you didn't get 9 x £3 back there did you?

magoria · 10/03/2017 18:04

That is shit and the last minute not a thought given production of a card & cake is insulting.

If you haven't left work then leave it on your desk.

supercue · 10/03/2017 18:17

I would rather have had nothing to be honest, that's an insult.

Mrsmadevans · 12/03/2017 20:24

One of the girls left and they were 'all going out ' for afternoon tea with her , I never mix work and social life it just doesnt work I feel .Anyway , all the team were supposed to be going and it ends up wth 3 ppl going in the end out of a team of 30! One of those were the leaver too! They want me to have a retirement do ....well they can crack on ,Happy birthday btw op ,

redheadlady · 12/03/2017 20:27

Op! I feel ya, and I don't think it's unreasonable at all! Six years!

There used to be someone else in my office with the same birthday, at around us working there 7/8 years the usual cards came round. I signed his... On our birthday he got a card and I didn't! I felt the same as you (we don't do a whip round, and you buy your own cake so the card is the only acknowledgement) I was really disappointed. I mentioned it (a couple of days later) I got a belated card and it's never happened again

Barmymum2112 · 12/03/2017 20:29

I'm the Birthday fairy in our office, I buy cake every birthday (it was kind of a, I'm new like me thing' but now it's just tradition however I always get a pie (inside joke) cake and don't pay for my drinks on the Christmas do (my birthday is near Christmas) so it's a win for me. I would be pissed off if they forgot my birthday though

Emmageddon · 12/03/2017 20:51

When I worked in an office, only milestone birthdays were celebrated with a whipround - 30, 40, 50 etc. Other birthdays, the birthday girl/boy brought in cake and invited everyone (usually by email) to the pub over the road for drinks after work.

Now I work in a different environment and birthdays go unannounced and uncelebrated, and there's no mandatory contributions to gifts and so on.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 12/03/2017 20:52

YANBU because they are supposed to celebrate everyone's birthday, not just the chosen few.

If they are going to half celebrate your birthday, then you shouldn't have to contribute to anyone else's unless you want to.

EyeStye · 12/03/2017 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stripeymug · 12/03/2017 21:24

Take in 3/4 of a nice cake and casually say that you had way too much birthday cake so brought it to work, in the panic people will be more generous and when you get home eat the rest of the cake.

Benedikte2 · 12/03/2017 21:25

My birthday falls on a statutory holiday so was never at work and rarely see friends as they are all busy so it's always pretty much a non event. All year at work Id contribute to others birthday gifts and go to lunch etc but never received anything myself. Occasionally someone would remember after the event and produce a card but it wasn't a team effort. Would have been nice to have a little recognition even though I've never been into much fuss.

KERALA1 · 12/03/2017 21:28

I find the whole imbuing emotion into a work environment quite cringey. Why would work colleagues give a stuff about your birthday?

Autumnsweater · 12/03/2017 21:31

Aw this happened to me, on a milestone birthday, in an office where I'd worked for years, and the tradition was a whip round for a thoughtful present/cake/card for the milestone birthdays. It made me sad that my colleagues hadn't thought of me, and silly for feeling like that at the same time.. didn't feel the same about whip rounds after that.

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