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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is really weird?

37 replies

yaela123 · 10/03/2017 08:09

A not-very-close childless friend has been excitedly telling everyone that they are going to start TTC soon. Like she's already pregnant

AIBU to think this is really odd or is it just what's done nowadays?

OP posts:

enchantmentandlove · 10/03/2017 08:11

I wouldn't personally, but know people who have. I guess some people are just a lot more open than others. It doesn't really bother me though.

Iamastonished · 10/03/2017 08:12

I think it's odd as well. To me it's like telling everyone that you are going to spend half an hour in the loo.

Surely TTC is no-one else's business other than the couple involved? And what if she finds that she has problems conceiving? How is she going to deflect all the questions that everyone will ask?

SnowBallsAreHere · 10/03/2017 08:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KoalaDownUnder · 10/03/2017 08:16

I don't get it either.

'We are about to start having regular unprotected sex!'

Umm. Okay, thanks for that.

Lumpylumperson · 10/03/2017 08:16

She's just excited.

It's not what I'd do but she's obviously very excited and open about stuff.

No harm done. I certainly wouldn't be towards someone for it.

SheSaidHeSaid · 10/03/2017 08:17

Maybe a bit unusual but I know people who've openly said they're planning a family soon. Doesn't bother or affect me so I don't see a problem in it.

usernotfound0000 · 10/03/2017 08:18

I told close friends, but it took longer than we'd hoped so next time I don't plan on telling anyone. We did get lots of questions after getting married about when babies might arrive (rude, I know) but surely with your close girlfriends, this is what you talk about?

troodiedoo · 10/03/2017 08:23

I think it's a bit naff but fairly common now in our culture of over sharing.

But then I think people getting engaged but not setting a date is crass.

Trifleorbust · 10/03/2017 08:23

She's excited, what is that to you? I can't see why you would care about this either way.

PlayOnWurtz · 10/03/2017 08:27

I have a colleague who did the same. Because I was so sick with this pregnancy and have to keep running to the loo I told my boss earlier than intended, her reaction "OMG I had no idea you were even trying!"
I was internally thinking Erm well no of course I haven't told you aside from the fact it's take 4 years and many miscarriages to get to this point it's none of your dawn business!

Original poster

yaela123 · 10/03/2017 08:27

I've only met her a couple of times

Never mind, each to their own

OP posts:

Iamastonished · 10/03/2017 08:30

"I think it's a bit naff but fairly common now in our culture of over sharing."

I think troodiedoo has hit the nail on the head. I don't over share, neither does OH or DD. We just get on with our lives unobtrusively without posting every single thing on social media.

confusedat23 · 10/03/2017 08:43

I am going to get skewered for this but DH and I were open with people.

It stopped the when are you going to try questions? It also stopped any hassle about why we arnt going on family holidays this year etc and most of all there are other members of our friends and family that have been trying all at the same time and because we have been so open we are sharing our pregnancies and everyone is really excited.

But if people want to know about bowel movements I also commonly announce those to everyone also.

BertrandRussell · 10/03/2017 08:45

I wouldn't- but I know people who have.

What I don't understand is why people keep their pregnancies deadly secrets for the first 3 months.

Yellowmono · 10/03/2017 08:48

I had a friend do this. Told us all she had big news to share at an event a group of us would be at together, made a big deal that there was an announcement going to be made etc. We all assumed she was pg as they were recently married and had expressed desire to be parents. But no. The announcement was that they were about to start trying to get pregnant. No one knew what to say really

PlayOnWurtz · 10/03/2017 08:48

Bertrand I kept mine secret due to miscarriages however this time round I've told a few people because of my history. I've finally woken up and realised I'll need support if it goes wrong again.

BertrandRussell · 10/03/2017 08:51

Sorry- I know that's why people keep it secret-crap phrasing. I just don't understand why you would.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 10/03/2017 08:55

Yay! More judging!

IamFriedSpam · 10/03/2017 08:58

I wouldn't do it! The last thing I'd want is everyone knowing and waiting for an announcement. I'm not very open though, if she is fair enough. I guess it's similar to announcing pregnancies early - if you're happy to talk about it if you have a miscarriage/trouble conceiving there's nothing wrong with talking about it early.

StrangeLookingParasite · 10/03/2017 08:58

What I don't understand is why people keep their pregnancies deadly secrets for the first 3 months.

To avoid what happened to me. I asked my PIL not to tell anyone, they completely ignored me, told the world and her mother, then I got to tell a few people 'no, it's not going at all' when they asked me how it (the pregnancy) was going. It didn't help much.

SquatBetty · 10/03/2017 09:10

I kept mine a 'deadly secret' for the first 3 months because prior to that I'd had 2 miscarriages - should be bloody obvious why some women want to keep it a secret until after the 12 week scan.

LostSight · 10/03/2017 09:10

She's obviously just excited about the idea of trying for a baby. That's all I would think. My mind didn't immediately jump to unprotected sex, it jumped to pregnancy.

I guess she might be setting herself up for some future pain, if it doesn't go as well as she hopes, but maybe it will allow her to share that pain, rather than having to deal with it in silence.

Each to her own.

grannytomine · 10/03/2017 09:12

When I was a teenager my nextdoor neighbour told me she had just phoned her husband to tell him, "tonights the night." I hadn't a clue what she was on about but she explained she had just taken her temperature and it was the right time of the month so she had warned him.

I'm not sure what he was expected to do to prepare for the big event but I found it embarrassing at the time.

Sparklingbrook · 10/03/2017 09:12

I kept my pregnancies a secret because it was nobody else's business and I didn't want all the fuss.

We didn't tell a souls we were TTC that would be madness. They might then have wanted regular updates.

DoJo · 10/03/2017 09:17

What I don't understand is why people keep their pregnancies deadly secrets for the first 3 months.

Because if I miscarried, (which I did, twice) I didn't want to have to talk about it with anyone other than my husband. I didn't want my older son to know about it and then be sad that it wasn't happening. I didn't want my parents to be upset (they would have been far more so than I was) and I didn't want people to know that we were trying because I didn't want them to be 'waiting' for the announcement in case it didn't come. We're relatively private people, but not overly so I don't think - it wouldn't even occur to me that anyone would think that was odd.

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