AIBU to be careful with money?

[mailfuckoff]

DH and I are careful with money, we don't spend on lots of stuff and think carefully before spending. We try to get the best value we can and do buy second hand if we can. I earn a good amount and we have thousands in the bank. However we both came from poor familes and I don't want my dc to worry about food or be cold. So I need a safety net in the bank just in case. The only sent we have is the mortgage and I'm over paying on that as much as I can. However at what point does being careful go to far and how do you know if you are tight? I would hate people to think we are mean.

Tiger You were obviously very very lucky not to have a parent with dementia then. Different kettle of fish then I'm afraid.

My parents were the same, poorer backgrounds, earned decently, didn't splurge. It's sensible, but they didn't do things like decorate the house properly, or have anything "too nice". We never got extras and compared to wealth, lives a fairly frugal life which I did resent a bit looking back. I wouldn't have done if home was happier though, but they (in particular mum) was tired, grumpy and cheerless particularly in teenage years. So if you're going to live frugally,are sure you're at least happy and not resentful of the self imposed frugality!

"My suggestion we do what most people do - care for elderly parents -"

How is it cheaper for each one to be in a family home than a few together in a care home? Many of those in care homes are there because they have specific needs that it would be difficult for family members to meet.

iamastonished they would be having apoplexy at today's rates. They would come in and grump if their monthly interest was lower. It would be explained that it was calculated daily and depended on the days of the month. It was not unknown for them to ask for a pen and paper and work it out for themselves before they left.

enormoustiger but the concept of having elderly family living at home might work for some but not all. In many western families, with children moving around more and living abroad or down the other end of the country, it would be s shock for both parties to be living together. Different if they are close both emotionally and in location, but if not, then huge resentments could build up both sides. Plus with western families having children later in life, the middle aged parents might just have their children leaving home at the same time as elderly parents move in. Cultures of India and China are very different.

And maybe if the inheritance tax wasn't so astronomical, more elderly people would hang onto it instead of giving it away early to avoid tax and leaving the state to pay for their care. Does not inheritance tax pay go towards state care? Never understood it anyway. Money that's already been taxed as earnings gets taxed again just because it's passed on to children, who dreamed that up?!

Never understood it anyway. Money that's already been taxed as earnings gets taxed again just because it's passed on to children, who dreamed that up?! Totally agree, fricken ridiculous.

They are the difficult questions of our age (and my father did have dementia in the last 2 year sof his life - in fact he died at home as he wanted and spent £130,000 - the rest of his life savings on his care at home) and as he died so soon after our mother there was inheritance tax to pay on the bit of money we had had from her estate so I know all about IHT - rotten tax.

In China it is quite an issue because the women (not the men) take on the husband's parents';care although those parents often care for the grandchildren when the parents live away for work.

We have in the UK all kinds of problems over these issues - those who are careful with money end up funding their care. Those who spent it all don't. Also the Government promise that you would not pay for the first £xxxxx of your care doesn't erally work as it only applies to the nursing element. It does not apply to the main care home cost which is your hotel bill as it were - room and board which comes out of your life savings and your house or the generosity of your children. I agree there can be economies of scale in care homes - why some of them are so awful actually but I was not saying don't have them. Just that more of the cost is going to have to fall on families as we cannot afford them out of tax.

In fact a huge unfairness is most care homes which take those who are destitute and those who pay their way now charge those who pay their way a big mark up over the cost it would be if none of those funded byt the local authority were in there - it is a subsidy because the local authority will not pay the costs of the carer wages etc so the familiy and old person who actually pays the cost pays a huge lot extra to fund those who spent all their money on drugs and women all their lives and never saved a penny.

Tiger So your father had dementia and was fortunate enough to be able to pay for in own home care. You didn't have to care for him yourself, so you really have no idea what it actually takes to care long term for someone that has dementia do you? I've met a few people like you, they have this theory of being able to manage but haven't to put it very bluntly, wiped ass. I did it short term and it nearly finished me off. If I'd brought my mum to my house (I'm a lone parent btw and no other family around) it would have ruined my life and more importantly ruined my sons life, as some of the care would have fell to him also. Shame on you for trying to make people that have parents in care homes feel like sh1t. Oh and my mum has now had dementia for around 7 years and still going strong.

I am not making nayone feel badly. Labour nad the Tories are both looking at how we are going to manage the huge number of people who will need care and old age . It is one of the biggesti ssues of our age and I think it's going to be very hard to find a solution and yes of course I've done a good bit of care as anyone of us with old and dying parents will have done.

I agree, something has got to be done, But can't you see you are trying to guilt trip the children that have parents in care homes, because according to you we should all be looking after them in our own homes, even though you've never done it yourself, astonishing!

In my experience care homes really are a last resort. You also have to consider the very old people in their 90's, their kids could well be in their 70's and not in the best of health themselves and not have the income to pay for care.
Does that mean you push the responsibility down a generation or 2?