AIBU to be careful with money?

[mailfuckoff]

DH and I are careful with money, we don't spend on lots of stuff and think carefully before spending. We try to get the best value we can and do buy second hand if we can. I earn a good amount and we have thousands in the bank. However we both came from poor familes and I don't want my dc to worry about food or be cold. So I need a safety net in the bank just in case. The only sent we have is the mortgage and I'm over paying on that as much as I can. However at what point does being careful go to far and how do you know if you are tight? I would hate people to think we are mean.

I only pay£500 for a holiday MrEBear (one person staying with friends or in cheap accommodation).

Our last holiday cost far less than £500 each because it was a very naice cottage in the Cheshire countryside.

I doubt that a week in the Med at high season for £500 each (including flights) would give me the standard of accommodation that I would want to stay in. If I can't be as comfortable as I am at home I would rather stay at home. I have done the cheap, budget holidays and am not going there again.

I dislike staying with relatives just to get a cheap holiday. When I visit my sister I go to see her. I am not a cheapskate.

" I am not a cheapskate."

Unnecessary insult there lamastonished. Not everyone has the same income.

I have a friend who skimps on heating and light, never takes taxis, but stays in 4 star hotels. That's the wrong way around for me.

I was feeling irritated because I have family members who do this. I agree with you about your friend. What is the point in being cold and miserable in the dark for 50 weeks of the year for the sake of a two week holiday?

Million, I've just been looking at that sheet and I can't see how you can go after people's children for care home fees - unless you are specifically saying that the person going into care deliberately gave away money in order to reduce assets in consideration of care home fees.

Even so, I find that a bit strange - 15 years? You could easily give money to your child for a house when you are 60 and then need to be in a care home when 75. I find this "deprivation of asset" thing super weird though because I'm already frugal. It strikes me that a 60 year old giving their kids money and then not going out or buying stuff - I already don't buy stuff and I imagine at 60 I will be out less - then that's just life, rather than deprivation of assets.

I am in my 50s and likely to work for 20 or 30 more years so giving money to the chidlren now to avoid inheritance tax is very unlikely to be classed as deprivation of assets although I do support a law change that adult chidlren should have to pay all their parents' costs by the way. I don't think we can afford for tax payers to have that burden in any form at all other than basic emergency care for those who are desperate but that's a separate topic.

Enormous "although I do support a law change that adult chidlren should have to pay all their parents' costs by the way"

how are children responsible for their parents? Do you realise what will happen to people if a law like that is introduced?

I do support a law change that adult children should have to pay all their parents' costs by the way. If this came in the suicide rate would go up for sure. Parents not wanting to burden their children and the children either struggling to care for their parents themselves or going into debt. What an awful idea. Has someone in the Government suggested this then?

We're the same, as long as careful doesn't become stingy then it's fine.

*Oh yeah, even worse the murder rate.

EnormousTiger do you intend to carry on working until into your 80s then?

My husband and I are in a similar situation to you OP. Although we could afford to go abroad on holiday and take the DC's who are now 10 & 11 we have always holidayed in this country as it sticks in our craw to pay £000's to go abroad in the school hols.

However, after many years of moaning from the kids about how they are the only ones in their class who have never been on an a plane or been abroad on hols and after a health scare for myself we have decided to splash out this year and go.

It is going to cost a lot of money but putting things into perspective when I did think I may be too ill to go abroad with the kids that was of course all I wanted to do, so I know it is worth it.

exactly Developing. And some of the elderly folk I volunteer with would not be in a care home - their kids would sling them into a spare room and ignore them. Or have them sleeping in a chairbed in the hall. People leave elderly folk at A&E deliberately at Xmas.

and yes, given the relationship with me and my dad, if he couldn't pay for his own care I think I'd top myself. Much easier. (I don't have kids btw and I don't say that lightly about topping myself).

To a large extent, life is a terrible burden - if you have to pay for your parents' care too - wtf? Oh and people will start having more kids if they are assured that kids, under law, if earning x amount, have to pay for elderly care.

bloody hell, it's been a scary few months but this one idea is more terrifying than any others I've heard lately.

The idea of kids paying for cars is scary. It just would not work. Kids pay for care homes via tax.

Take 50 year old twins. Both 40% tax payers so both earning reasonable incomes and paying plenty to the government.
But Twin A is frugal, bought property when young so mortagage free and kids are already in their 20's so earning own money. So plenty disposable income.
The twin B blew as they earned didn't have kids until 40's then had 4 kids, kids still in primary / nursery large childcare bill and they have a mortgage to pay. Therefore little disposable income.

Mother of twins (poor herself, always had low paid jobs rented house) needs a nursing home.

How does the cost get split between her twins, do you put twin B into poverty trying to pay their share?
Or upset twin A and say B can't afford it you need to pay all?
What if they were non-contact with her and don't pay (plenty people wriggle out of maintaince for their kids never mind their parents)?
How about parent who was absent never paid maintaince, does child get revenge by leaving the old sod to suffer without care?

Kids being responsible for the care of parents is bonkers.

"What is the point in being cold and miserable in the dark for 50 weeks of the year for the sake of a two week holiday?"

Exactly. What if it rains during your holiday anyway? Better to have a nice-ish normal life and a camping holiday than a crap life and living all year for your holiday.

It may be bonkers but it is teh law in many countries and including at least in part in Germany. We had a UK poster with a German poster last year I thnk it was who had been sent a care home bill - their share of it and it's what plenty of families do surely - take in the elderly parents, go over every day to see them etc etc It's more the norm than "bonkers" and I am not sure we can afford to pay for elderly care any more from tax payer money surely?

Yes, I will work into my 80s as all I need is a computer and internet connection to do it. MY father worked full time to 77 and my children's other grandfather (engineer) brought out his first book at 88 and continued although just one year a week at the end at the company he founded. Lots of people choose to work into old age. It works well. My psychiatrist fatherfound a lot of patients got very ill and depressed when they stopped work. Give up work at your peril!

Enormous - some people's health forces them to give up work. It's not necessarily a choice and I think it's also unfair on young people for old people to hog all the jobs.
You say it's the law in some countries, but it's also the case in some countries that a parent can't disinherit their child.

Has it never crossed your mind that millions of people do manual labouring jobs, working later on in life is just not an option.

I assist terminally ill people through work - have had people in miserable council flats with £300k plus in bank casting round as to who to leave it to - so sad they had run out of time to enjoy it. Saving and careful is good of course but think the mindset can get unnecessarily stuck and hampers lives.

I can be abit too cautious - love that Dh isn't and every time he has pushed us to go for it he has been totally right. Very glad we not both like me!

Hell would freeze over before I paid for my mother's care. The care system needs to be better organised with state run care homes paid for through the tax system, and much better levels of inspection. At present, private homes run a very poor and expensive service - I am currently looking after a relative that is in a care home so get to see the good and bad points of the system every day. Staff are very poorly paid for a difficult and demanding job whilst management and owners cream off huge profits.

Hear hear.

Uptown I totally agree care homes need to be better organised and run. But I can see the government changing it.

I also agree that some roles it is impossible for people to work well beyond retiring age, care home workers being one of those roles.
I've also came across the situation of redundancies where the company operated "last in first out" older people beyond retiring age were asked to consider leaving but wouldn't and couldn't be forced, so the young people with young families, mortgages etc and years of potential ended up getting paid off. Now then consider the cost of that to the state, what is cheaper old people going onto the pension or young people claiming benefits for themselves and their kids?

DD, yes, my son just gave in his notice as a postman because of foot injury. We have a weekly discussion in this family about manual labour jobs and their sustainability into older age (not that he's old yet). I was talking about me - I picked work as did my father and indeed my chidlren's other grandfather we could do until we were virtually gone.

My suggestion we do what most people do - care for elderly parents - is not weird. Look at China. Look at India. Even the Indian family right by my house have both parents in the house cared for at home and I (English) would have had my parents to live here if that were needed and week in week out people care for their elderly relatives too. I am just saying we cannot afford to fund 30 year retirements for people any m ore out of state funds. I am not making up the issue. It was a major debate with last week's budget too.

When I worked in a bank I'm the 80/90's, the people who complained most about a fall in interest rates were the those with the most money. Half a percentage point, and they would be off. "This is a drop in my income of x a month". I need that to fund my cruise/ 3 months in the Carabean.The thought of dipping into their Capital was horrendous for them. These were very elderly people who were seriously rich. That is meanness.

I would suggest now that savings are there to boost meagre pensions, not to fund Caribbean cruises.