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AIBU?

AIBU to expect more from dh?

208 replies

Preggocinders · 08/03/2017 19:46

Newbie so be gentle! Long post but there's a lot to this...
So me and DH met just over a year ago, married for 9 months, I have a ds from previous relationship and I am days away from giving birth to Dh's first baby. We moved really fast as soon as we met, fell in love hard and just went with it. I'm a SAHM and he works 30 hours a week, and makes enough to support us. We had an agreement that I would do all the cooking and cleaning and he would be the bread winner. That's fine. The problems have come when I've wanted to do something with ds when dh is working, like visit family or friends. Because he thinks when he is working I should be in the home, and be there when he gets home from work with his meal prepared, towel and comfy clothes sitting out for him to have a shower etc. When I didn't realise that's what he wanted at first and would be out when he called me from work, he would go in moods, not speak to me, or threaten to leave me. I had a horrible break up with ds dad, who was emotionally and financially abusive, cheat on me etc, and I felt worthless after he left, so when I met dh and he was initially very loving caring and thoughtful, I didn't see any of his negative qualities. My family picked up on the changes they saw in my behaviour very quickly, and dislike DH because of it. It all came to a head with them a couple of months ago when my mum vocalised her dislike for dh, saying that he was draining the goodness out of me. I love DH, even though I see what our relationship has done to me. I used to be full of life and now I just feel empty. Because of what DM said, DH won't allow any of my family to be involved in our baby's life, and has said if I ever let them near baby he will leave me. I just feel so alone and I don't know what to do and have no one to turn to. I've come out of hospital today after two nights being monitored because I am high risk due to a heart condition, and had bad pains and palpations. DH moaned about having to sit with me while waiting to be seen, because he hates sitting around. I was in a lot of pain and needed his support and love, but all I got was more stress because he was getting angry at me because we had to sit there and wait 2 hours or so to be seen by a doctor. He didn't visit me, and wouldn't allow anyone else to because of the whole my family /baby thing. I've come home today and he hasn't done a single thing in the house while I've been away, dishes still dirty from before I left, he had just sat and ate Crisps in front of the TV and left all his rubbish on the floor. I asked him why he hadn't even bothered lifting stuff through to the kitchen, and his reply was "but then what would I need you for". Aibu to expect even a little effort so when I came home sore and tired and sick of being poked and prodded, that the house wouldn't be an utter tip? My DP watched ds, and when the drop him off they arent allowed near the house so I had to stand out in the cold to wait on them. And DH wouldnt even acknowledge DS when we came indoors, DS is only 2 and loves DH so was excited to see him, and DH just blanked him and went upstairs. I don't want to be alone, with two kids by two different dads and divorced. But how do I get him to see that the way he acts hurts me?

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LadyPW · 09/03/2017 13:12

And take as much stuff as you can, take anything sentimental and as much as your kids stuff as you can manage.
And all the paperwork (or copies of it) that you might ever need. And might be worth transferring half the cash in any joint accounts just in case he decides to be (even more of) a bastard.