AIBU to expect more from dh?

[Preggocinders]

Newbie so be gentle! Long post but there's a lot to this...
So me and DH met just over a year ago, married for 9 months, I have a ds from previous relationship and I am days away from giving birth to Dh's first baby. We moved really fast as soon as we met, fell in love hard and just went with it. I'm a SAHM and he works 30 hours a week, and makes enough to support us. We had an agreement that I would do all the cooking and cleaning and he would be the bread winner. That's fine. The problems have come when I've wanted to do something with ds when dh is working, like visit family or friends. Because he thinks when he is working I should be in the home, and be there when he gets home from work with his meal prepared, towel and comfy clothes sitting out for him to have a shower etc. When I didn't realise that's what he wanted at first and would be out when he called me from work, he would go in moods, not speak to me, or threaten to leave me. I had a horrible break up with ds dad, who was emotionally and financially abusive, cheat on me etc, and I felt worthless after he left, so when I met dh and he was initially very loving caring and thoughtful, I didn't see any of his negative qualities. My family picked up on the changes they saw in my behaviour very quickly, and dislike DH because of it. It all came to a head with them a couple of months ago when my mum vocalised her dislike for dh, saying that he was draining the goodness out of me. I love DH, even though I see what our relationship has done to me. I used to be full of life and now I just feel empty. Because of what DM said, DH won't allow any of my family to be involved in our baby's life, and has said if I ever let them near baby he will leave me. I just feel so alone and I don't know what to do and have no one to turn to. I've come out of hospital today after two nights being monitored because I am high risk due to a heart condition, and had bad pains and palpations. DH moaned about having to sit with me while waiting to be seen, because he hates sitting around. I was in a lot of pain and needed his support and love, but all I got was more stress because he was getting angry at me because we had to sit there and wait 2 hours or so to be seen by a doctor. He didn't visit me, and wouldn't allow anyone else to because of the whole my family /baby thing. I've come home today and he hasn't done a single thing in the house while I've been away, dishes still dirty from before I left, he had just sat and ate Crisps in front of the TV and left all his rubbish on the floor. I asked him why he hadn't even bothered lifting stuff through to the kitchen, and his reply was "but then what would I need you for". Aibu to expect even a little effort so when I came home sore and tired and sick of being poked and prodded, that the house wouldn't be an utter tip? My DP watched ds, and when the drop him off they arent allowed near the house so I had to stand out in the cold to wait on them. And DH wouldnt even acknowledge DS when we came indoors, DS is only 2 and loves DH so was excited to see him, and DH just blanked him and went upstairs. I don't want to be alone, with two kids by two different dads and divorced. But how do I get him to see that the way he acts hurts me?

[dingdongthewitchisdead1]

LTB

[dingdongthewitchisdead1]

[HopefullyAnonymous]

This makes for extremely uncomfortable reading. It's hard, but there is nothing to gain from staying and everything to lose. Your son should not have to see you treated in this way.

[bookworm14]

He is abusive and you need to leave.

There seem to be so many of these threads at the moment. It's incredibly depressing.

[birdsdestiny]

It's every single poster, please listen. If it was half of us then maybe you could think oh well maybe he is not so bad. It's all of us, and we are saying he is abusive. You are worth more than this man.

[ChuckDaffodils]

Christ on a bike, you need to get the fuck out of there.

[Unicorndreamer]

He sounds a CUNT ! You deserve better but then you know this. Sorry op but only you can change this. Maybe your family have seen through his mysoginistic views and are right. LTB and fast. He is a twat

[expatinscotland]

You need to leave him whilst he's out at work. And please, please, DO NOT DATE again until you've had some serious help to develop some self esteem and boundaries because you need to protect your son and child from this cycle of abuse.

[MrsELM21]

Please leave.

At best this man is extremely unkind and at worst is abusing you, it may be difficult to do but from what you say it is 100% the right thing to do

[BhajiAllTheWay]

Totally agree with all PP. Need to get out asap. Yes it's scary to think about but a lifetime of this will be no life at all for you and DC.

[AliCat36]

Please leave him and move in with your family now, before the baby is born. He's abusive to and he's abusive to your DS. He's deliberately hurting you both.Think of how this must make your DS feel. This man won't suddenly change and become loving and caring if anything he'll get worse once the baby's here. He's abusive to your family too. Better to be a single mum than live with someone so horrible, who treats you and DS so badly. You, your DS and your baby deserve so much more than this. Please contact your family and ask them to help you escape from this cruel man now.

[Butterymuffin]

Better to be divorced 100 times than trapped with a hateful user like this. Get yourself and your DS to your parents ASAP.

[haveacupoftea]

He's a horrible prick. Get out.

[ItsReginaPhalange]

I hope you know this isn't ok. This isn't what a good relationship is. You need to get out, for both your children's sakes as well as your own. This will only get worse and if your family are there for you, go. My husband is the bread winner, he still manages to make dinner and does dishes. When I was ill in pregnancy he was run ragged trying to do everything and was a rock. That is what a good person does. They don't sit on their arse creating a mess and expecting their pregnant wife, who was in hospital to clean it up. A good person also doesn't have the heart to ignore a 2 year old. Amongst other things you mention, he is an abuser. Please please leave him.

[BarryTheKestrel]

You need to get out of there ASAP. Regardless of what you think of being a mum of 2 DC from different dads and divorced, there are much worse things you could be, like abused daily. Get your ducks in a row, gather important paperwork and anything you cannot replace/live without and go and stay with your parents. Best of luck OP

[lorelairoryemily]

Op you need to get out of there, aside from how appalling he treats you, if he can be so horrible to your little boy now, at only 2 years old, how is he likely to treat him once he has his own baby? How are you going to do all he demands of you when you've just had a baby? Go home to your parents, your mum sounds like she's well able for him, best of luck

[Ellisandra]

So you made a mistake.
Yeah, it's a big one.
But shit happens, and there's no point in making a worse one now!

You're parents will be so relieved to have you back. Just go.

If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your 2 year old who has been blanked and upset by this cunt.

[Patriciathestripper1]

Oh god please please get out of there.
I have been exactly where you are only I didn't have any family (or freinds by the time he was finished) he cut me off from everyone and had made my life totally miserable and damaged my Dc's view of how a relationship should be.
Run to your parents and font put him on the birth certificate,
He is s complete ducking arsehole who will destroy you and your Ds.

[Tempered]

Some of your post is similar to my situation. I am also incredibly lucky to have the support of my parents.

I can tell you this.....with a baby, it'll only get worse.

Get out now to your parents. You'll end up screwing your ds up if you stay, and the new baby.

Get out, get out, get out.

I have, and it's the best thing ever. The relief is immense.

[Forkrightorf]

OP you know this isn't ok, don't you? Else you wouldn't have posted. Please please get out now before he alienates you from your parents and permanently damages your innocent children. Find the strength, we are all here with you x

[Summerof85]

OP this is awful, so sorry for you when you are about to give birth. If he is moaning about having to sit around whilst you are unwell, do you think he will be any use when the baby comes? I think not. Your family can see what he is doing to you. At least they are offering support. Good luck with the birth but have a serious think about your further for you and your DC

[ThePinkOcelot]

Where is OP?!

[notanothernamechangebabes]

Oh love... what an absolute bastard.

You are 9 months pregnant. Your health isn't brilliant. You are parenting a toddler... thats enough to be getting on with, without being a 24 hour maid service for a nasty spoiled bastard like him.

He should be treating you like a queen, not a piece of shit on his shoe.

Don't tell him you're leaving. When he goes to work tomorrow, pack your stuff, call a cab and go to your parents. If you don't have money for a cab, get them to pay at the other end. Don't worry if you have to leave some stuff. Don't worry about money. Don't worry about "what next".

Worry about getting yourself and your babies
to a safe home where you're loved and cherished. You owe it to them.

[Ebbenmeowgi]

Leave now. I wouldn't talk to him about it or give him an ultimatum etc but would just leave as he sounds like he will not change or listen. He sounds abusive.

[Foffyouwanker]

Run very very fast!