Newbie so be gentle! Long post but there's a lot to this...
So me and DH met just over a year ago, married for 9 months, I have a ds from previous relationship and I am days away from giving birth to Dh's first baby. We moved really fast as soon as we met, fell in love hard and just went with it. I'm a SAHM and he works 30 hours a week, and makes enough to support us. We had an agreement that I would do all the cooking and cleaning and he would be the bread winner. That's fine. The problems have come when I've wanted to do something with ds when dh is working, like visit family or friends. Because he thinks when he is working I should be in the home, and be there when he gets home from work with his meal prepared, towel and comfy clothes sitting out for him to have a shower etc. When I didn't realise that's what he wanted at first and would be out when he called me from work, he would go in moods, not speak to me, or threaten to leave me. I had a horrible break up with ds dad, who was emotionally and financially abusive, cheat on me etc, and I felt worthless after he left, so when I met dh and he was initially very loving caring and thoughtful, I didn't see any of his negative qualities. My family picked up on the changes they saw in my behaviour very quickly, and dislike DH because of it. It all came to a head with them a couple of months ago when my mum vocalised her dislike for dh, saying that he was draining the goodness out of me. I love DH, even though I see what our relationship has done to me. I used to be full of life and now I just feel empty. Because of what DM said, DH won't allow any of my family to be involved in our baby's life, and has said if I ever let them near baby he will leave me. I just feel so alone and I don't know what to do and have no one to turn to. I've come out of hospital today after two nights being monitored because I am high risk due to a heart condition, and had bad pains and palpations. DH moaned about having to sit with me while waiting to be seen, because he hates sitting around. I was in a lot of pain and needed his support and love, but all I got was more stress because he was getting angry at me because we had to sit there and wait 2 hours or so to be seen by a doctor. He didn't visit me, and wouldn't allow anyone else to because of the whole my family /baby thing. I've come home today and he hasn't done a single thing in the house while I've been away, dishes still dirty from before I left, he had just sat and ate Crisps in front of the TV and left all his rubbish on the floor. I asked him why he hadn't even bothered lifting stuff through to the kitchen, and his reply was "but then what would I need you for". Aibu to expect even a little effort so when I came home sore and tired and sick of being poked and prodded, that the house wouldn't be an utter tip? My DP watched ds, and when the drop him off they arent allowed near the house so I had to stand out in the cold to wait on them. And DH wouldnt even acknowledge DS when we came indoors, DS is only 2 and loves DH so was excited to see him, and DH just blanked him and went upstairs. I don't want to be alone, with two kids by two different dads and divorced. But how do I get him to see that the way he acts hurts me?
MNHQ have commented on this thread
AIBU?
AIBU to expect more from dh?
Preggocinders · 08/03/2017 19:46
Glad you are leaving.
Now please prepare yourself for the charm offensive. He will want you back, after all, who will cook, clean and tend to his every need if you are not there? Heaven forbid he has to do his own housework!!
So expect flowers, lots of phone calls (harassment!) and stay strong. Try to see such things for what they are...a pathetic attempt to get his needs met.
This man will not change his behaviour and more importantly, he will not change how he views you /women.
Get away and stay away for the well being of yourself and your DC
xxx
He ignores your son who is just a baby and will not allow you to show him any love or affection in his presence? Have I read this correctly?
This is child abuse. Your poor baby must be so confused and lost. What is he going to be like with the baby? How much worse will he treat your 2 year old when the baby comes along? My blood is actually running cold.
I agree with expat; you need to do some serious work on your self esteem and self worth. Concentrate on your children and becoming independant and tell any man you meet for the forseeable future to sod off.
Leave now. Do not tell him you are leaving. Good luck.
Thank god you're leaving OP. Stay strong and know this is the best and only option for your children. You are still young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Good luck
Leave and don't look back. You are 100% doing the right thing.
To give you an insight to a normal SAHP and working parent relationship... I don't work, I look after my daughter at home and my husband works full time, we live on one wage.
The mortgage is in both of our names.
I do what I want during the week. I go to toddler groups. See family and friends.
I spend what I want when I want (in a reasonable way) and have full access to all bank accounts and all money my DH earns.
Sometimes I'm not home when he returns from work. He has a brew and starts tea, and makes the most of the peace and quiet.
You get the picture. We are completely equal even though we contribute to family life in very different ways.
The way your partner treats you is not normal. You are so lucky to have a lovely family to turn to, make sure you take full advantage of that.
I've just read the whole thread through and I am so relieved to see your last post that your DF was on the way to get you. Please don't ever go back to him, no matter how much he begs or says he'll change. He won't.
Good luck with your pregnancy. Hug your babies as much as you want
sorry I've just read the other posts, you are doing the right thing in leaving him! good luck OP, stay strong
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Good luck op, thinking of you Congrats on making such a brave decision, you sound like an absolutely brilliant mum.
Wow op you are strong and brave do not let this man manipulate or abuse you in any way now. You have your family and beautiful children you don't need to be treated like shit by some abusive arsehole.
Take the babies things with you good luck op
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