Newbie so be gentle! Long post but there's a lot to this...
So me and DH met just over a year ago, married for 9 months, I have a ds from previous relationship and I am days away from giving birth to Dh's first baby. We moved really fast as soon as we met, fell in love hard and just went with it. I'm a SAHM and he works 30 hours a week, and makes enough to support us. We had an agreement that I would do all the cooking and cleaning and he would be the bread winner. That's fine. The problems have come when I've wanted to do something with ds when dh is working, like visit family or friends. Because he thinks when he is working I should be in the home, and be there when he gets home from work with his meal prepared, towel and comfy clothes sitting out for him to have a shower etc. When I didn't realise that's what he wanted at first and would be out when he called me from work, he would go in moods, not speak to me, or threaten to leave me. I had a horrible break up with ds dad, who was emotionally and financially abusive, cheat on me etc, and I felt worthless after he left, so when I met dh and he was initially very loving caring and thoughtful, I didn't see any of his negative qualities. My family picked up on the changes they saw in my behaviour very quickly, and dislike DH because of it. It all came to a head with them a couple of months ago when my mum vocalised her dislike for dh, saying that he was draining the goodness out of me. I love DH, even though I see what our relationship has done to me. I used to be full of life and now I just feel empty. Because of what DM said, DH won't allow any of my family to be involved in our baby's life, and has said if I ever let them near baby he will leave me. I just feel so alone and I don't know what to do and have no one to turn to. I've come out of hospital today after two nights being monitored because I am high risk due to a heart condition, and had bad pains and palpations. DH moaned about having to sit with me while waiting to be seen, because he hates sitting around. I was in a lot of pain and needed his support and love, but all I got was more stress because he was getting angry at me because we had to sit there and wait 2 hours or so to be seen by a doctor. He didn't visit me, and wouldn't allow anyone else to because of the whole my family /baby thing. I've come home today and he hasn't done a single thing in the house while I've been away, dishes still dirty from before I left, he had just sat and ate Crisps in front of the TV and left all his rubbish on the floor. I asked him why he hadn't even bothered lifting stuff through to the kitchen, and his reply was "but then what would I need you for". Aibu to expect even a little effort so when I came home sore and tired and sick of being poked and prodded, that the house wouldn't be an utter tip? My DP watched ds, and when the drop him off they arent allowed near the house so I had to stand out in the cold to wait on them. And DH wouldnt even acknowledge DS when we came indoors, DS is only 2 and loves DH so was excited to see him, and DH just blanked him and went upstairs. I don't want to be alone, with two kids by two different dads and divorced. But how do I get him to see that the way he acts hurts me?
MNHQ have commented on this thread
AIBU?
AIBU to expect more from dh?
Preggocinders · 08/03/2017 19:46
Oh OP. I really feel for you. I usually try and keep an open mind and see the guys side in these situations but your DH sounds like a truly horrible person. I would give him an ultimatum to change his ways pronto and be making plans to go it alone if he doesn't. He basically wants to use you as a complete door mat and doesn't sound like he is treating you with any love or respect. Good luck. 
Please LTB as soon as you can before the baby comes.
Go to your Mums, she will help you and by the sounds of it she can see clearly what a total arsehole this excuse for a man is!
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
I'm sorry op. These comments are probably hard to hear but you know it already I'm sure. You're family will look after you. Go now and don't look back. It's easier said than done but you won't regret it.
Pp are right. If he can't keep house whilst you're in hospital having yourself and HIS baby checked out what is he going to expect when the baby comes.
Will he complain because the labour is taking ages and he hates waiting ?
You'll be in pain post birth and looking after him will be last thing on your mind.. after my section I struggled to get from lying to sitting let alone cleaning etc.
You need support from people who WILL support you.
Best wishes
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Holy crap, you married a total stranger! And he turned out to be an abusive prick. Only one thing for it and that's get the hell out of there ASAP. Who the fuck is he to make these unreasonable demands of you? Please, though, when you get out - do the freedom programme and maybe some counselling. This is a pattern you can't afford to repeat a third time
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