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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do you enjoy / cope with being a parent if you are an introvert !?

45 replies

ginorwine · 08/03/2017 17:52

Posting for myself and others with similar nature .
As for me , I need to get up early and be still . Also to practice mindfulness each am as well as during the day .
All tips welcome 😄

OP posts:
Annahibiscuits · 08/03/2017 17:55

Following because I struggle with this
Feeling DESPERATE at the minute
Dog walking is about the best I have to offer, but time to do that is limited

I feel guilty about my NEED, so much of the time

Annahibiscuits · 08/03/2017 17:56

And both my kids are very firmly NOT introverts!!

Somerville · 08/03/2017 17:59

Three entrovert DC in this house - two do them teens. And I'm pregnant.

Honestly, I learned quickly to space out and get re-energising time on my own even with DC in the same room as me. Mainly by reading. Which seems to have rubbed off on them, so as long as I keep them supplied with plenty of books they're often quiet.

I also put them to bed early for as long as I could, and had evenings to myself. That gets harder when they're teenagers!

SantinoRice · 08/03/2017 18:01

I got an allotment Hmm

Original poster
ginorwine · 08/03/2017 18:02

I gave teens that go to bed way after I do !
Do not disturb sign on door and ear plugs required !
Do not feel guilty - people can empty introverts - we need to remember charge - simple as that x

OP posts:
NorksAkimbo72 · 08/03/2017 18:02

You just figure it out as you go, and you may have to be prepared to let go of your morning routine, for at least a little while. I loved my silent mornings pre-kids, but that was not practical once they were here. I used time in the evenings(bedtime was for me, not necessarily for them) when they were babies, and when they went to school, my peaceful morning came after the school run. I have a lovely DH who also recognises when I haven't had enough alone time, so he'll create space for me when that happens. It can work!

flamencina · 08/03/2017 18:09

In toddlerhood here and it's tough. DP is not an introvert so as soon as I get some child free time, DP wants to 'do something'. I find that more frustrating than the toddler tbh because she doesn't know any better but DP should.

Unfortunately I have dealt with it by retreating from most other people on the basis that looking after toddler is number one priority and time to myself is second. There's not much time left after that, so I've lost a lot of contact with people.

I know that's not healthy either and need to redress it.

BasinHaircut · 08/03/2017 18:10

For me it's about having the occasional 'day off' from both DS and DH. I get DH to take DS on a 'boys day' and leave me at home. It's bliss even though I'll probably be cooking and cleaning and doing admin. But I can sit down whenever I want and be still, I can also be completely in my own head for a few hours without interruption.

I sometimes take a day's annual leave and just chill at home or go for a massage or something.

Children unfortunately do not appreciate one's need for personal time or space so you have to carve it out where you can.

If I'm honest being an introverted parent is really really tough and what suffers a lot is my social life. As 'time off' from the kids is not prioritised on socialising, but being alone.

BasinHaircut · 08/03/2017 18:10

x-post there flam

Original poster
ginorwine · 08/03/2017 18:21

I oarty wonder why us introverts have dc ?
My sil is an introvert and she has decided not to have dc - she feels it wd cause depression - re not getting her need to be alone met . Too late for me tho !! But I'm not sure I'd do dc again as genuinely find it distressing not to get alone time ( for eg ds watched tv with me till 10 30 last night - look mum , watch this with me ... dh always get sctge short straw as after I've seen dc I do not want any human contact ! ( and yes , affects our relationship !)

OP posts:
MewlingQuim · 08/03/2017 18:26

Dog walking.

Walk to work, or bus with headphones on.

Long baths.

Encourage DC to play independently Wink

MewlingQuim · 08/03/2017 18:56

DD (5) is an only child so no siblings to play with just mummy and daddy Sad DH and I are both introverts so we "tag team" to give each other a break.

He is currently playing Lego with DD while I zone out on MN. He knows I am a bit boggled by entertaining her since school finished, which is generally at her most chatty and enthusiastic "play with me mummy" time of the day and I am exhausted by the time he gets in. He will flake out soon so then I will take her for a bath before bedtime.

At weekends I make sure he gets time to do his own thing for a couple of hours as he usually needs weekend recharging more than I do. I don't find DD so tiring at the weekends, she is more relaxed when she hasn't been at school and often plays happily in her room or draws and paints rather than demanding we join in with role play etc.

DH starting to crumble now so time I get off MN and save him Grin

Tobeemoree · 08/03/2017 20:03

I'm an introvert with a single DD abd an incredibly needy/extrovert husband. It's fucking difficult sometimes, and there are definitely times when I either need to pull the duvet over my head, or put a pillow over his....

It's getting better. We've been together for over 20 years, and it's really only recently that he's not taken everything I do quite so personally. DD does get it, sometimes.

ToriaPumpkin · 08/03/2017 20:19

I've got an extrovert husband who wants to "do things" all the time, an extrovert almost 3yo girl and an introvert 5yo boy. I have had to really be firm with DH about letting me get time alone and to recharge. He doesn't get it at all, and two months ago I was at breaking point, drinking every day and having panics attacks several times a day.

I'm now making sure to carve out time for myself, though some weeks that easier than others. DH really struggles to understand it and finds it hurtful when I don't want to be around him, but he's learning after I sought counselling and my counsellor sent me home with some very specific literature about anxiety and recovering from panic/overstimulation.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 08/03/2017 20:27

It gets easier as they become more independent and I can plug them in for an hour while I get some peace I take them to sports activities too and stand quietly watching them play football etc.
(Stupidly) I have a job that involves a lot of face to face interaction most days as well. I do actually love it and love being with my DCs even more but find it utterly draining and need to recharge with 'alone' time- it's one reason I work part-time.

thisisillyria · 08/03/2017 20:29

It was hard when the children were little. Strictly enforced bedtimes were the way we coped (both DH & I are introverts!), which gave us an hour or two in the evening to recover. As they got older it became easier, but there were a fair few years where I really struggled. Now we have adult DCs living at home, they stay up as late as we do - so I get up early in the mornings to get my solitary time!

CheerfulMuddler · 08/03/2017 20:32

I'm still breastfeeding at 18 months. It means I can hook him on, read a book and get twenty minutes off.

I also have a job that involves sitting in a room on my own three days a week. I bloody love it.

And yes. Sitting in the corner of his bedroom while he plays and zoning out on phone/with a book. I do feel guilty and I don't do it all the time, but in the evening, after I've been a good mummy all day and DH is still at work, and I just need Some Time Off.

Kokapetl · 08/03/2017 20:40

Going to work helps me. I am very part time as dc are small but I get to read and think on the train in then my job is mostly analysing and managing data, which although not simple, I find very calming. I also usually have the office to myself.

On days when I'm at home with the kids I find that they are most happy to play independently after meals so I tend to stay at the table after they finish and read a book or something. Gives me a few minutes to recharge.

AGnu · 08/03/2017 20:47

When our DC reached the point of dropping naps we would still put them in the cot with a few books/toys. They could sleep or play for a while until we were ready to get them up. Now they're a bit older but we still have some time every day where they go to their room to play. Just gives me a bit of space. Some days they go up after lunch & I have to shout to get them to stop playing for dinner! I love those days! Home schooling is definitely the right choice for our family but it's really intense for an introvert!

SleightOfMind · 08/03/2017 20:51

Dog walking, walking the mile to school & (blissfully) home again, 1hr commute to work, headphones for bedtime, fending off conversation with a book, having 4dcs so they entertain each other, (DS1 was tough!)
Always doing the weekend cooking so I can hide when we have a houseful.

Carve out the little oases of peace and know that it will get better as they get older.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 08/03/2017 20:55

Me and DH are both introverts. Not sure about DS, he is quite quiet but supremely confident so he's a conundrum. We have both always worked full time since DS was a baby (and have had second and third jobs at times) so when we got drained from contact it wasn't usually from DS so we relaxed by spending time with him - we all can sit sociably in the same room in complete silence each reading or crafting or surfing the net. I don't think I ever thought about it till a couple of years ago after doing Myers Briggs though, it was just how we worked.

Quodlibet · 08/03/2017 20:55

Using the evenings to recharge (our social lives and time as a couple suffers, as we are both introverts who needs solo time to recharge)
We both do jobs that allow for locking oneself in ones' study for days at a time.
Encouraging 'quiet time' in the children. If desperate put a film on for 3yr old and quietly zone out next to her.
Finding little moments in the day. So take them to the park, baby will nap in buggy and 3yr old can run/scoot about, I can have a few mins headspace.
Also we tag team to give each other time and space to recover - at least being of a similar disposition we are good at supporting each other's need for alone time.

DramaAlpaca · 08/03/2017 20:57

DH & I are both introverts who need our space so we used to take it in turns to look after the DC when they were small.

Now they are young adults and all still living at home. Two are introverted and one is an extrovert. We struggle to find 'alone' space in the house sometimes. I tend to stay up late to get some quiet, DH likes early mornings. The DC hole themselves up in their rooms.

The place livens up when noisy, messy, gregarious DS1(23) comes home, usually bringing a gang of equally loud friends with him.

GieryFas · 08/03/2017 21:04

Nap time turned into quiet time, so that I could get a break. DH is even more of an introvert, and is more likely to put on the TV for the kids for half an hour, and then zone out on his phone.

As a family, we all need to quietness to varying degrees (dd2 less than the rest of us, but she's happy to read / draw), and when guests leave we all disappear to our various rooms for an hour or so of lovely, lovely silence.

SparklyLeprechaun · 08/03/2017 21:09

When the children were younger and clingy I would wake up an hour before everyone else so I could drink my coffee in peace. I was shattered from lack of sleep but I wouldn't give up my silent hour. Nowadays they can entertain themselves for quite some time, but for complete solitude I retire to the homemade gym in the garage for an hour every evening.

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