How do you enjoy / cope with being a parent if you are an introvert !?

[ginorwine]

Posting for myself and others with similar nature .
As for me , I need to get up early and be still . Also to practice mindfulness each am as well as during the day .
All tips welcome 😄

This thread is a revelation, it's not just me who feels this way!! I'm only 6 months into parenthood and already sort of dreading DS learning to talk because I know he won't ever shut up and I'll have to deal with it all the time. I feel awful thinking things like that as I love him to bits but I need a break. My DH is extrovert and doesn't get it, he wants my time and attention almost as much as DS and it's incredibly wearing.

Work. I went back to work after 3 months. Being a SAHM with toddler and the constant "mummy"ing would have driven me mad. Part time work is your friend. I was also a fairly strict mummy when they were young. Zero tolerance for bed time tantrums.

They do rapidly turn in to teenagers who just want to hide in their bedrooms and talk to people via headsets on their computers though.

I go for a run and work (from home, alone. Silently ).

I'm also a night owl, so get a few hours to recharge when the DC are in bed.

Ha! I thought that too SpikeGilesSandwich. Now I'm desperate for him to say more than a few words because I feel such a nana talking to someone who obviously understands what I say but doesn't say much back ...

You really do need a partner who understands and gives you alone time though. I had to really sit down and work it out with DH - find ways we could be together without feeling like it was bashing my skull in. Fortunately, he's become addicted to video games, which means we can spend companionable evenings while he talks to people in his Guild on the computer and I work/read/faff online.

I tell him he's the only person in the world who doesn't count as 'people'. Which is true. (Mostly. Almost always.)

Toria
I'm sorry to hear that things got difficult for you . I can totally relate to feeling ill or in panic from overstimulation . Noise and people - tho I do love some people !- totally drain me and I can get low mood and sense of being out of control if I don't get quiet time . I regularly go for a night away by myself just to get away from stimulation and dread the summer holidays when my dc are around day after day esp as they are teens and stay up late - they also get up in the morning - not all teens sleep in argh !!! I can start having palpitations too and get the flight or fight feeling as I'm so desperate to be alone .
I'd be very interested to hear what yr therapist advised about overstimulation ...
I find it v v hard when my teens play loud ( to me ) music .

I've found my people! I can also totally appreciate why my mum used to get up so early - I like to get up before my toddler to have some quiet time. Right now I'm doing fine because she still takes an afternoon nap although goes to bed quite late so that's my peaceful reading/crochet/exercise dvd time. I also work part time, and spend my lunch hour walking by myself. Sometimes I turn down lunch invitations to do this but I really do need the alone time and will parent better when I'm getting it.

Interested to read everyone's tactics as I will no doubt be employing these as dd grows up.

ginorwine I was told to expect to feel awful for 2-3 days after every emotional upheaval, so a panic attack, massive overstimulation, a counselling session (particularly one where I'd cried), an argument etc.

I get very overstimulated if I'm touched too much, so I push people away, particularly if the kids have been all over me all day. My son also dictates massively what we play, and she said it's OK to not want to do those things. That was a revelation for me. It hadn't occurred to me that not wanting to do what the children wanted to do was OK.

She confirmed that it's OK to want time alone, and suggested that I take control of situations. So instead of people pleasing and saying "whatever you want", to decide if I want things to be and act on it, particularly with regard DH and how we spend our time. It doesn't have to be doing something all the time if I don't want it to be.

She also suggested writing a list of everything that's bothering me and a time to deal with it, even if it's arbitrary. So "pay credit card at 3pm tomorrow" even if you might not be able to as you'll be at work, as you've given it a time to be dealt with. She also said that if I'm wired and struggling to sleep then to get up and run through my routine again. Have a drink, brush my teeth, read and try to sleep. Almost tricking my brain, the way you would with a toddler by giving them the same stories/toys etc

I hope some of this helps. I'm a bit minced after a long day at work and ready for my bed. If I think of anything else I'll come back.

I'm an extrovert and have 2dd aged 3 and 5. I really struggle with getting time to myself. The 5yo is extrovert and wants to talk and interact constantly.but luckily her sister gets the brunt of it now!

I never worried about the constant noise and demands of young dc as I love being busy and surrounded by people. But I do find it really really hard! I have no idea how introverts cope.

Thanks toria
It's interesting that you said that it didn't occur to you not to do what dc wanted and that it didn't occur to you that you cd say no ect
I was just the same and then wd fel panic or angry as I reached my limits - my dc said I often suddenly ' turn ' now and I realise I need to practice setting limits befure I'm overlooked !!!
Take care

This thread has reminded me why we decided not to have another DC. I am
not sure I would cope with having to give up more of my time.

DS starts school this September and life will get easier, not least because I will start to work to 2 days a week from home. I'll be alone for 2 whole school days and I'm really looking forward to it.

My very extrovert toddler goes to nursery two mornings per week to give me some space. On the days she's at home all day, I'm generally ready to cry at 7pm once she's gone to bed. Then my husband gets home and is cross because I don't want to be touched or make conversation or listen to him move or breathe

I'm on mat leave, really enjoying week days with 14 week old dd but struggling more with weekends and evenings. 6yo ds is very much an extrovert. And a very loud one at that. When he's not talking he's making other noise - singing, humming, funny noises etc. He's such a sunny child, inquisitive, caring, kind etc and I feel so guilty sometimes just craving some time away. I also have a 17yo dsd who, while lovely, is also a typical teenager. When she's here on Sundays, it's so hard to cater for everyone's needs - a teenager, 6yo and 14 week old - as well as my own (and dh's of course - another extrovert).

Pre-pregnancy I ran and listened to music so my intention is to get back to that asap. When dd's daytime napping routine settles down I'll use that time to get back to creative writing. Weekends will be easier in the spring/ summer when we're not tripping over each other all the time!

flamencina - In toddlerhood here and it's tough ... Unfortunately I have dealt with it by retreating from most other people on the basis that looking after toddler is number one priority and time to myself is second. There's not much time left after that, so I've lost a lot of contact with people.''

Oh god this with bells on!

I had 3 DCs when i was quite young and having not long been actually adult i hadn't really carved out my personality and just got on with it. As the kids got older i started to relish 'me time' and managed to get more of it as the years went by. BUT then having DD4 in my 40s - well the loss of a bit of peace has been the hardest part of it tbh. To hell with tiredness or lack of sleep as an 'older mum', none of that has been an issue at all. The big issue for me is missing those quiet times when you need to just switch off.

Luckily, similar to pps, DH is a bouncy extrovert and loves to spring into the house after work and take over with DD with great enthusism. I breath a massive sigh of relief. it's short lived mind you as DH then follows me round the house sharing his day with DD prancing about in tow

I'd never really thought about it but I am an introvert. I don't need many people in my life and I love being alone. However with 2 small kids and a part time job quiet is noticeable by it's absence.

I think I've just adjusted to the lack of me time and the quiet contemplation I crave by telling myself this is what life is and to accept it. I've blocked all the longing for peace I have. Bit sad really. I can't ever see a time when I'll get quiet time, but I am also an optimist so I look on the good parts of my life and ignore the negatives.

Having down time while I'm commuting. Going for a run on my lunch break. Putting the DC to bed reasonably early. All these things help day-to-day. The biggest improvement in my mental health though occurred when I became a single parent and I suddenly had every other weekend child and husband-free

I havens introvert husband and son; that helps as we all give each other space and silence and understand the need so can ask for it.

My daughter is still a toddler and too young to tell yet. She's very full on and I do struggle a bit there.

I work from home one day a week which gives me some solitude, I often take half an hour at the end of the day when everyone is in bed, I always have a walk at lunchtime on work days. Little things that help my sanity.

Hope no one minds if I bump this thread. Hugely introverted with a clingy 14 month old. DP also a massive introvert so we both find it hard.

I don't want any more children for that reason but I worry constantly that it's selfish and ds will be lonely etc

It seems to work because I sleep downstairs, so if I'm asleep I'm left alone. Generally DS will want me to authorise going on the computer, then DD & DS will sit happily playing together. DS has this big brother mentality where he loves coaching his sister.

DH will watch TV, I've never known anyone able to watch the same programme so many times and not go insane. DS if he gets there first put football on TV.

DH is glued to his phone too, where DS cheekily has got his thumbprint on my phone, I've just realised he's been buying stuff for the games, but he does share with DD so not all bad.

They both wear head phones on the computer too.

They do sports, so 3 nights on the computer after reading isn't a big deal.

I went back tgo work full time very quickly. That buys you a commute in total silence and a lot of silent time particularly if like me you worked in an office alone. I recommend it and you get paid and you keep your career - win win win.

Secondly my children know on holidays I need time alone so we do space things out, eg they might go in a kid's club for part of the day and now they are older - youngest are teenager - they might go off with older siblings for half the day whilst I am alone; and I am more likely to book a room to myself if that works with the budget.

We also always had a set bed time for the children so we knew by 8pm at least there would then be at least silence from children from 8pm until morning. (If we were lucky)

Actually quiet times in total silence breastfeeding my 5 babies in utter peace almost darkness in the early hours with all that oxytocin after the let down reflex are some of the best memories of my life by the way so don't assume baby has to equal noise all the time.