Do most people secretly hate weddings?

[WhistlingBetty]

It seems on here a lot of people say they don't like weddings and find them boring. I'm wedding planning- would appreciate knowing any particularly awful things to avoid. If you hate weddings then why and what could make them better?

Ours is an all day affair (well starts at 12) is fairly traditional but in our home town so not too many people traveling.

I love weddings. The only time I haven't is when there was nothing like enough food.
I don't care about location, decoration, type of food or wedding favours. I care that there is lots of food and booze and the bride and groom are happy looking

Probably the worst wedding we went to was last year when a neighbour got married and invited us to the evening reception. It was miles away in the middle of nowhere, the bar was incredibly expensive IF you could get served (you had to be stick thin and 20something to get the attention of the all male bar staff), the buffet was very limited and the bride was more interested in sitting at a table drinking wine with her clique than to spend time welcoming her guests and almost a year on they still haven't sent thank you notes

Contrast that with a young couple whose wedding we attended a few weeks later. The evening reception started at 7.30 and they stood near to the door and greeted everyone as they arrived.

I love small intimate weddings where it's about the couple making a commitment before god and the joining of the families. Short notice, short in time and really sweet.

I hate large weddings that are essentially a party and the vows almost seem like a formality. The bride will usually go on about it for months on end prior and then it's usually followed by an endless pregnancy etc.

I agree with a previous poster that the number of people you know at the wedding makes a big difference to how enjoyable it is. I've loved weddings where I was able to catch up with old friends and family but found it a bit of an ordeal when I really only knew the bride/groom who were obviously too busy to spend much time with us.

Things that can make it difficult:

Long wait after church service for photos with no seats, no refreshments, no toilets
Complicated journey between venue for ceremony and venue for reception
Long wait at reception for photos with not enough seats and limited refreshments (don't assume that everyone likes Pimms!)
Seated at reception with people who all know each other and don't talk to me
Too long speeches full of in jokes I don't understand
Too many speeches
Embarrassing speeches
Videos/photo montages etc

Things which help:

Knowing lots of people
One venue for ceremony and reception or easy walk between the two
Good parking, easy drive and directions
Bride and/groom come and talk to me at least once

Agree with most of the PPs re the waiting around, esp for formal photos, places to sit, being starving, etc.
Fix that and you're onto a winner.

If the B+G are happy, and obviously in love and delighted to be doing that, in front of people they love and who love them, then most of the guests will be happy and delighted for them too.

I LOVE a canapé, but if that's all you've got to keep you going between (say) 11 and 4 then there just won't be enough, because for the guests then that's "lunch", so if you're doing canapés, you need to appreciate one mushroom vol-au-vent wafted around every 45 minutes whilst there are 3 hours of formal photos - that isn't going to cut it!

Personalising things for your guests is lovely. We got wedding favours at one (I'm sure none of them cost more than a couple of quid) but the B+G tailored it to personal things - sweets they knew we liked, etc, and each "box" had a photo of us on the lid (photo-shopped to make it wedding-y). That was really sweet.

Speeches which are short/funny/sweet or which mention the guests. I once attended a wedding on my birthday. The bride knew it was my birthday. Never acknowledged. It was a shit birthday for me... had to arrange childcare for my DD, no time for any presents or cards. Nothing in the day anything about me (obviously). But it was my frigging birthday. the MoH had given birth 2 days previously, and her daughter was toasted. This probably sounds mean, but I felt I was generous to give up my birthday for my friend, and it wasn't acknowledged. And you can't make a fuss, cos it's their wedding.

Yes they can be enjoyable but the timing is important, ie not too many gaps between "events" where people can get bored and conversation can lull. The best thing we spent our money on was also the cheapest - we hired "giant" games, eg giant Jenna, Connect 4, croquet etc. When the photos were taking place these kept the kids/families amused, and after a few drinks also the adults! One group of men started a Connect 4 drinking game proving we probably shouldn't have gone for an open bar. But I agree, fed and watered is best first and foremost!

What's not to like? Celebrating that a friend had found a soulmate, being fed in lovely surroundings, an excuse to dress up.
Most of the weddings I've been to have been relaxed ( even of it's a"big " wedding, it's the couple doing it as they want, not being pressured, or trying to impress), and maybe that's the key.

I'm not very keen on weddings ( and I do exist in the real world and not just on MN.) I primarily don't like them if I only know the bride / groom or even worse I am the " plus one" and don't know anyone. I've been to a few of them and they're hard work. Making small talk with strangers is different from socialising with a bunch of friends. Most weddings seem to follow a well worn path and are a bit predictable. The ceremony itself can be lovely ( or astoundingly predictable - same readings etc) but always seems to be over lunch and then there's a four hour delay til you get to eat. I don't really drink wine but the alternative is usually water ( no other soft drinks). The awkward time when the staff want to clear the tables away for the evening but you have nowhere to go while they set the room up. One of my favourite weddings was an outdoor event in the US.... absolutely charming and personal to the couple. No chicken dinner trying to be fancy ( but a pig pickin ) friends doing the music etc. That's the kind of wedding I love... not bows on the back of conference chairs or sugared almonds on the table! Sorry. Rant over.

I'm a miserable bastard about most things but I think it's particularly mean spirited to grouse about weddings.
Unless your bride and groom have a background in events, it's going to fall a little short but that's the charm.

If you're invited to a non summer wedding, wear something sensible.

If you can't miss miss lunch without having a tantrum, bring some food.

If you can't spend an hour without being entertained, download something to watch on your phone.

If the wedding will cost you too much to attend, regretfully decline.

Honestly, some of you sound like toddlers.

OP, you'll never please all of the people. Plan a wedding that works for the two of you and makes your guests feel a part of things rather than a backdrop to your day.

And what SinglePringle said earlier!

I haven't time to read all pp, but the three main things I hate about weddings are -

1. Doing "traditional" things because "it's what you do at weddings". If you can't see the meaning in it don't bother because it won't feel authentic to anyone

1. A crap DJ or a crap band playing crap music so loudly that no one can speak to each other. I know I sound granny-like but if I'm at a wedding and haven't seen friends/family for ages I want to be able to freely communicate with them

1. Silly, tiny, sparse or bad food. Feed the people! They'll love you for it. We had a Hog Roast, so we won the wedding feast game IM humble O

I generally do like weddings but to answer your question, a couple of things that can really impact my enjoyment of them as a guest:

• Seating plans - one wedding I went to, which was also attended by many good old friends who were all looking forward to catching up, the bride & groom decided to 'mingle' all the guests instead!! So each of our friends was sat at a different table with people they'd never met making small talk for hours, aaaargh!! Whereas at another large-ish wedding, I only knew half a dozen people but we were all sat together and had a ball. Where you do have to mix tables, try to have at least half the people knowing each other and consider age/ interests etc.

Round tables are much better than rectangular in my opinion - otherwise if you're at the end of a long narrow table, you can only really talk to people immediately beside/ opposite you.

• Weddings which are so big you never actually get to speak to the bride & groom for more than 5 minutes. Try to make an effort to see everyone you've invited, otherwise why bother?

Also agree with PP re a good flow of food & drink, weekends being better and no long transfer between vows and reception.

Hope you have an awesome day & congrats!!

I've only been to 2 weddings- my mums where I was bridesmaid and my own. I'd love to go to a wedding where I'm just a guest with no involvement

Love weddings!
Plenty of good food and drink and a bangin disco in eve will make the day

The waiting around...is that usually not sat with a group of friends and/or family, having a drink and chatting?

That's not really waiting around, no. Waiting around is standing in a churchyard or some local beauty spot while the photographer does his work for an hour or two, with no available toilets, and making uncomfortable small talk with people you hardly know while your stomach rumbles and you'd kill for a glass of something lively.
It's that sort of waiting around that puts people off weddings.

I truly love weddings.

Love the ceremony, especially the vows - always find myself weeping and giving DH the doe eyes and hand grasps Love the wishes for the newly married couple to be as happy as we are. Always a weepy, sappy, mess.

As to the rest of the day, love everything about it as long as there is a something to eat and drink do while pictures are being taken. That bit can be awfully tedious if you are not in the wedding party.

Had 4 invites last year. None this year... so far.

The waiting around...is that usually not sat with a group of friends and/or family, having a drink and chatting?

Er, no. There are no plans, every breaks off and you are sat in a café nursing bad tea.

I love weddings and slightly sad I've run out.

Lids/no kids will always divide. I couldn't go to a child free one unless DH didnt come so I'm not in favour personally.
My friend did cake and bubbles between service and going to the venue so kept us busy through church photos. Great idea if it can be done.
I did the dreaded evening only invites so we started the evening with speeches (different to day ones), cake cutting first dance etc so people still got "wedding" not party.
A venue that doesnt charge 5x normal for a drink
Enough food
Enough space including outside

mmm, depends.

I love casual laid back fun weddings, or short, classy minimal weddings.

I don't particularly like:
Traipsing about between venues
Them being all day affairs from 11 am service through the evening
If I need to spend serious money. We really can't afford to be staying in hotels in addition to a family holiday.
The whole 'wedding hype'.

I don't find wedding protocols to be the best way to celebrate love and partnership.

I really have to grit my teeth through:
Father's walking their dd's down the aisle and 'giving them away'
Language used in trad ceremonies 'who gives this woman...' etc
Speeches made by men only at the reception - men talking in ribald tones about the hilarious exploits of the groom - yuk - while a man - the father - talks about the woman.
All the stupid 'Mr and Mrs' stuff - 'ooh, she is Mrs now' when actually she may not be changing her name or calling herself Mrs.
All the inane comments made by relatives - often also sexist.
Waste. Bits of sparkly netting with sugared almonds, and other party-bag level crap.

Happy celebratory parties and ceremonies that mean something - lovely.

Worst wedding I've been to was at a remote hotel that was closing down permanently the next day..Pissed off staff, closed down wings, no booze / drinks behind the bar to even sell to us, no food in to cook for breakfast not been a bag of crisps! It looked exactly like the " overlook" in the shining.
Wedding started at 11am, with a coach to the church, the bride was 2 1/2 hrs late for a full Catholic service with mass..so It finished at nearly 4. Many of the guests had small children and we had a trail of " escapees" coming to have a nap / play on the coach ( freezing rainy day)
Back to the hotel for more failure to have food, the photos went on and on and on...The ' dinner's was supposed to start a 7. At 9.30 still foodless and with no happy couple in sight we took the kids up to to eat the remains of the travel snacks and went to bed ( childminding services were all cancelled)
We left at 6 the next morning so we could at least eat at the airport.
Many guests were distraught to find they couldn't get back to the city as it turned out the local rail line didn't operate on Sundays and it would be a 30 mile taxi journey for which they didn't have the cash..And did I mention the hotel was closing that day?
Shittist wedding ever

I love a good wedding.

I secretly hate bad weddings.

To me, a bad wedding is one that makes it a PITA for your guests in some way.

• Remote wedding with only an expensive hotel option.

• A wedding across 2 or 3 different venues (where you haven't laid on transport). My friend sorted this with coaches form the hotel > church > party > hotel.

• Weekday weddings (you have just passed the cost to your friends FFS, the economic impact of 100 people taking 2 days off work is far greater than you not being a tight git and paying for a weekend day)

• Abroad weddings when you, your friends and family all live in London (yes, these are almost always about passing the cost onto your friends again.'Make a holiday of it' well it isn't my choice of holiday time or location.)

• Long gaps where you are stranded with no food or drink. Take some M&S sandwich platters to the church grounds if you do photos there.

• Shit food / not enough food.

• Weddings that start too early (e.g. 11). A service at 2 or 3 is a much better time for a wedding t move into canapes and dinner and party.

• No drinks. It is just poor hospitality to not at least get a drnk on arrival, some wine on the table and fizz for toasts.

• Making the bridesmaids or grooms pay for stuff. Yes, friend, I am looking at you, making us pay 1/2 for our dresses which WE WILL NEVER WEAR AGAIN and then putting on a free bar. As if you couldn't have couched up the extra £60 each for our dresses.

Oh, and if you have 4 best man and they are ALL speaking... they get [best man speech time] divided by four. The don't all get to do a full length speech. Christ on a bike that was painful.

If you are doing a wedding make sure that you are clear about what the timetable is.
I've only had this happen once but I remember going to a wedding and finding that there was the wedding meal for only a few of the guests/family with the rest of us wondering what to do for the next 5 hours.
So if you can please avoid having weddings when there is a bit missing during the day.

I love weddings, even the bad ones have something good about them-two (or at least one of them) people I know,and presumably like,getting married.
A good wedding can be an amazing day out.A bad wedding-well what have you lost really?

So much of it is thinking about the experience of each guest. You just have to walk through the whole thing in your head from the perspective of the different subsets of guests.

So it's things like:
'DH's family will be travelling from Newcastle, so would have to stay over the night before for a 12 noon start. That would mean a day off work and another night to pay for a hotel. If we started at 3pm instead then they could just travel down on the day.'

'We expect to have 1.5 hours of photos and that won't include uni friends, so we should have drinks, food and somewhere to sit while that's going on.'

Not:
'I'd like my hen do for close friends to be in Ibiza, the another wider one for more friends in London. We can then get married in a remote location on a Thursday in term time. We'll get married in a church 30 miles from the reception and everyone can stay at the ludicrously expensive venue. To save money we can do lots of evening only invites and not provide any food for them. If I give people a bit of notice they can save up for their costs.

It really isn't hard, but people sometimes focus on trivial things like favours or only what they want instead of getting the basics for guests right.