Do most people secretly hate weddings?

[WhistlingBetty]

It seems on here a lot of people say they don't like weddings and find them boring. I'm wedding planning- would appreciate knowing any particularly awful things to avoid. If you hate weddings then why and what could make them better?

Ours is an all day affair (well starts at 12) is fairly traditional but in our home town so not too many people traveling.

"Love that the represent celebrating the love & commitment of two people."

I don't really ever think that at all about them. Some really are about the event.

I'm fine once the ceremony is over

Weddings are great, provided there is a literal constant stream of food and drink

Mumsnet does not represent real life

Agree.

I only see Wedding Hatred on Mumsnet.

I agree with so many others saying 'don't take MN as a typical reflection of real life'. IME most people love a good wedding, and it is a pleasure to be invited, not the trial so many MNers make it out to be.

You'll never get everybody to agree on child free or inviting lots of dc.
I think generally too much waiting around is agreed by most, to be a bad thing. If you are going on into the evening, the 12 is very early to start. Give people enough to eat and access to a bar and most folk will be happy. Don't fret over all the minor details that the wedding industry have invented to make you spend more money. Think seriously on what you can afford - no 'justify' - spending on one day, and if it's really worth it to spend a decent house deposit on a party in whatever your financial circumstances are, and then ask yourself if there is a 'different' way of doing things.
Remember that you'll never please all the people all the time.

No I actually like them. I'm single, never been married but like going to friends/ family's. I gave three to attend this year

I agree with everyone else, or nearly everyone.

Plenty of food and drink is the key.

The waiting around...is that usually not sat with a group of friends and/or family, having a drink and chatting?
And that's boring.
what do you do for fun?

I love weddings. They make me happy.

(That said, I've been the weddings that were shite: 1. The bride clearly hated the groom & it was over 6 months later. 2. I saw a wedding taking place the when arrived at the hotel on the Friday afternoon (for a Saturday wedding). It was the same as the one I attended and the same as the one the day after. Took the shine off conveyabelt at £35k! 3. Me and 2 also single girl friends on one table. All our mutual mates spread across 3 others. Pariahs of this Parish....

I went to a fantastic one once, where they got married at 3pm, we had afternoon tea for the speeches and in the evening a fish and chip van turned up and we all queued up outside the reception to get our portions of fish, chips and mushy peas.

This sounds like an awesome wedding to be a guest at.

We had a pretty low key wedding.

I love a good wedding!

My note of caution is to feed guests at normal times for meals.

It really depends on the wedding,
What makes a shite one in my opinion is when:
The bride cares more about its being vintage etc than actually what the day is about!
Standing around forever waiting for photos, it's so boring!!
It just gets a bit expensive, with hotels, outfits, gifts, drinks, travel
The weekday ones are a pain in the arse as you have to use your AL up for it.

Best bits from weddings I've been too:
Wine, lots of it....
Bacon sandwiches at 10pm
Good food
Dessert table
Not to formal
Not to stuffy, so you can feel comfortable and relaxed.
Good music.

Re waiting around:

The ones I have been to that are long and boring have been ones where I don't know many people, so for us on the fringe of the wedding, it's usually you and your +1 and a random few people you may possibly know, hanging around making polite chit chat while you watch people have photos taken for 2 hours. You often can't sit down because this section of the wedding is outside, in the churchyard or hotel garden, you don't want to look a rude twat for going off to the venue before anyone else (although I have done this).

At a family or close friends wedding this is different as you have many more people to talk to who you know and less likely to be as boring for as long.

I have no objections to children at weddings in fact they usually are the most fun variety of guests who provide the most entertainment not talking about their holiday/pension/new car and we can skid Around on a slippy floor together or hang out under a table somewhere

The worst wedding was when the buffet run out. We had waited since 2pm for food in a hotel, nothing else nearby to go find some food, finally got to the buffet at 8pm (we were last table allowed to go up) and nothing left.

Oh God, we went to one of these. Ate breakfast at stupid o'clock and got on the road to the venue, which was miles away. Got stuck in the most horrendous tailback on the motorway and only just made it to the church for the 2pm wedding, having to skip our lunch stop to make it. Weren't fed until the evening and had the same experience as the poster above, being on the last table - people on the earlier tables had gone back for seconds, not realising others hadn't even had firsts! The venue, where we were staying, was in the middle of nowhere - so no McDonalds to escape to - so we had to wait over 24 hours until breakfast the next day for a proper meal. We were so fed up that we didn't even bother hanging around for the party/music/disco that started at 9pm and retreated to our room to watch TV with some pork scratchings/crisps from the bar. Grim.

Generally they've all been lovely. The only bad things I can think of have been a present list that was very expensive, very noisy children (not the couple's) so we couldn't hear the vows & another time a venue in a field with no taxis near enough to pick up so we were reliant on the arranged transport. The best bits have always been about being treated with warmth and pleasure that you are there to celebrate.

I have no objections to children at weddings in fact they usually are the most fun variety of guests who provide the most entertainment not talking about their holiday/pension/new car and we can skid Around on a slippy floor together or hang out under a table somewhere

For me & DH, laying bets on which of the over-hyped kids would melt down first and approximate time to melt down was one of our favourite wedding pastimes in our 20s (when lots of our friends got married). DH got really good at it & was usually accurate to within a minute or two.

I love weddings. Never had a bad experience, tbh.

Hope you have a great day, OP. I am free to attend...joke!

We started at 5, finished the church in time for dinner, did free wine all night, and a five course meal, laid on a gypsy band and got a 'photo journalistic ' photographer, so no stuffy family shots or staged photos up against a tree which in my opinion are a waste of your fun wedding time. Loads of people said it was the best wedding they ever attended, we obviously had great fun.

I love weddings but the things I don't like are:

Not knowing the schedule when there's a big gap. If there's going to be 2-3 hours of nothing in the middle (usually due to photos) tell the guests so they can go and do something else / eat etc if they want to.

Rules - for example, I don't want to be told what to wear. Weddings are expensive and time consuming enough for guests.

The line (queuing up to shake hands) - it's just awkward! Don't do it!

Hog roast - I just hate to see an animal like this.

Unnecessary expenses for guests - it's your wedding, you should pay for it or else have a simple one.

Mobile phones etc - I don't want my every move posted online and would ask guests not to do this.

Too much distracting hoo-har - it should be a day of love and happiness and this should be the priority.

Kids screaming through the ceremony. Enough said.

Just IMHO:
no kids
no photo booths with silly shit to put on
no tacky favours, either something VERY tasty to eat, a decent miniature or something people can put on display like a decent wooden keepsake box
group photos are always what turn me to the bar

I'm not miserable, but you did ask

Some weddings are great, some aren't .
I agree, the worst bits are the waiting around. Especially when it's a church wedding and the bride turns up late. At one church wedding we went to the previous wedding was also running late and we had to wait outside for ages before we could even get in there and then our bride was late as well. FFS, what is so difficult about getting ready on time?
Also hate long speeches that aren't really very funny or interesting.
And just my opinion, at least some drinks should be provided free for the guests. It's part of being hospitable.
And yes, there should be some food provided at an evening reception.

I think most things can probably be tolerated if you know about them in advance - packing a picnic to take with you or finding the nearest pace to get takeaway food if you are expected to go for HOURS past your meal time

What I find difficult is not knowing what sort of a plan the day is going to take, which tends to happen if we are invited to something by someone dh knows from work or something and I don't know anyone to ask the crucial detail from.

I absolutely LOVE weddings and everything about them!

I love weddings too.

My favourite wedding I've been to just in terms of most relaxing and enjoyable day as a guest was my very good friend and former housemate from uni days and his wife. It was a small affair 30 people or so in a beautiful venue, short civil ceremony that still managed to feel special due to music, readings and a truly lovely registrar, wine and nibbles straight after, short gap until the meal, plenty of wine on tables, short but sweet speeches, then a relaxed evening do with a low key band, not any dancing to speak of just nice background music, open fires, candles, Christmas tree and massive cheeseboards! All over by about 9pm.

Would never work with my family, just siblings + partners and their kids comes to about 30 just on my side. And we'd never get away without a full on party till the wee small hours type affair. Still, I would definitely go with having it all in one venue, keep hanging around times to a minimum, put as much as the budget as possible into feeding and watering people and just generally show consideration for your guests as you would at any event. I hate nothing more than having my photo taken so that will be kept to absolute minimum - don't mind someone snapping away whilst we're getting on with the day but really can't be arsed standing around gurning for hours with various combinations of guests, and know as a guest how tedious this bit can be. And keep the speeches short.