Do most people secretly hate weddings?

[WhistlingBetty]

It seems on here a lot of people say they don't like weddings and find them boring. I'm wedding planning- would appreciate knowing any particularly awful things to avoid. If you hate weddings then why and what could make them better?

Ours is an all day affair (well starts at 12) is fairly traditional but in our home town so not too many people traveling.

I'Be been to some great weddings but personal dislikes are:

Organising them so they start at lunchtime but not feeding you until way beyond lunchtime.

Overly long ceremonies. I remember a friend leaning over to me in a long ceremony and saying, "the thing I liked about your wedding was that it was short". Even worse if it has hymns that only the family on one side knows or a traditional one with an alternative tune.

The bridal party pissing off for a very long photo shoot while guests stand around. This can be ameliorated by lots of canapés. But if it's just drinks for a number of hours, having had no lunch, then it's a recipe for disaster. Even worse if the drinks reception is outside in February. No idea why my friends did that.

A disco at very high volume with nowhere to escape the noise. We aren't that into discos but love to catch up with friends at weddings, that isn't possible at maximum volume and aged relatives don't look like they are enjoying it either.

Weddings in remote locations where the only accommodation is £350 a night per room.

Not me - love them
the best wedding according to mn seems to be short and involve very little formality.
The best hen night seems to be a make your own pizza party and home in time for x factor.
I don't get it at all.

I love all weddings, and everything about them!

I agree that food and drink for guests is where you must not scrimp. No one reasonable will moan if they're fed and watered.

I don't.

I like my friends, I like spending time with them, I trust them to organise events that I would enjoy attending.

Food and drink are definitely important. It doesn't have to be wildly expensive as long as there is enough for everyone to eat. I went to a fantastic one once, where they got married at 3pm, we had afternoon tea for the speeches and in the evening a fish and chip van turned up and we all queued up outside the reception to get our portions of fish, chips and mushy peas.

I think standing round whilst endless photos are taken is very dull...made worse by bad organisation, and trying to get drunk people to leave their drinks/drinking buddies and have a photo taken. Can be made worse by where you are when the photos are taken, whether you have access to drinks, toilets etc. For this reason, when I get married later this year, there will be a list of photographs to be taken, in order. I intend to give them to guests . We want one of everybody, so it makes sense to do that one first then people can go and get drunk as hopefully the family groups will tolerate this stuff longer. Also, photos will be back at the hotel, so creature-comforts available.

We started at 12 and we're done by 6. Another 6 hours just wasn't needed.

Thays a good point about the timings op. If youre having a noon wedding then yout guests will have last eaten at breakfast. Hopefully there will be some other food before 3pm!!!

I don't but I'm anxious in crowds. I wouldn't mind a small wedding. I wouldn't say this in real life, so maybe that's why people are more open and honest where it's anon.

I really really do.
I keep mine to immediate family only, quick meal after, job done.
I think they're a self indulgent waste of money.

For the reasons already stated, our wedding starts at 2pm.

We also started at 12 and were done by 6.

I think some of it you can't solve tbh. On the whole I love weddings. However, there have been times when I've hated them. If you are in a LTR but not married for instance (unhappily so) or unhappily single then weddings are a constant barrage of questions or reminders of your own relationship problems. Also if you have young children and a formal wedding - can be a nightmare. Now my DC are a bit older I'm back to loving weddings . Not sure you can do anything about relationship problems but if you are inviting lots of children then you can lay on entertainment. I know you don't have to of course but you asked what makes it a good wedding.

We got married early in the day and worried about a lull afterwards. Lots and lots of canapés so people were not starving, short photos, lots of drinks. All that helped us. Plus having enough wine on the table. YY to ridiculously expensive rooms. Pisses people off before they even get there.

I enjoy weddings - here are some of the things that help me enjoy them more - just so you know, DD is currently 4, and has been to about 12 weddings (despite us being far from young when she was born):

Local is good (especially with a child)

Having lots of my friends there - I know that realistically, on the day, I'm going to spend very little time with the bride and groom (and that's OK), so it's great to have friends to catch up with.

Somewhere urban makes it easier to deal with a child unless the venue is very child friendly.

I really really appreciate a rough timetable of what is happening when, especially with a child - if I know when the critical bits are, I can try to feed her at other times (if the meal times are unusual), take her to a park for a run around if necessary, find her some quiet space when that would help etc.

Having a space at your venue where those with children can take a child who is struggling to behave/needs somewhere less overwhelming. Some of the churches near here have rooms which overlook the main church with a sound relay so you can hear what's happening. That's the ideal, but not always possible!

I realise these are mostly about children, and you're very welcome to have planned a child-free day - we've been to a couple of family weddings where there were only family children, and then only a couple of them. That's actually harder for us than when there are more children to play with. Of course, the day isn't about us, and we'll do our best to keep DD under control in public (!), but we got married before DD came along, so a lot of this didn't occur to us then.

No. I generally enjoy them.

I find them an ordeal. Something to get through. I don't really like the feeling of being forced to chat and mingle with people I have never met and all we have in common is knowing one of the couple or family I haven't seen for years.

They often involve driving long distances having bought a wedding gift and a new outfit and then have to fork out for a hotel room in a place you would never stay at by choice normally.

I love weddings as long as there is a choice of accommodation at different budgets, plenty of food, places to sit down and not dragging on.

We went to a wedding last year that started at 12 and didn't finish until 12.30am. It was exhausting and one of the reasons why we're planning our ceremony for 4pm and to only last 10-15 minutes.

They're too long
The photos are boring
Often the food is not that great - ok, but "catering."
Not enough free wine at the table. I don't expect a free bar but I think for the meal, it should be plentiful and good quality in decent sized glasses.
They need a really good dj. But, I never dance at weddings. In fact, I hate that bit as it's where you try to have a conversation with people you don't really know but can't really hear each other.
Best weddings have been small and low budget.
Worst weddings are the "why have I been invited, I've not seen/spoken/heard from you for years?"
I hate those big round tables at the evening do where people seem to park and just talk to people they already know.
They're too long.

Got an invitation to one in the post today!

Love a good wedding. Make sure there's plenty of food and access to booze and not too much waiting around. Keep the speeches on the shorter side.

I've posted this before, but the very worst one we went to (and in hindsight should have declined) was the one 100 miles away for an evening invite only. This in itself shouldn't have been a problem but when we got there, we found we were literally the only three evening guests - me, DH and Mil. There was no food in the evening and everyone else had been there all day and eaten. The kitchen was closed but they took pity on us and made us some food.

We paid £400 to stay there plus fuel and taking two days off work because it was mid week. I was furious. Never again.

Generally speaking you get to dress up a bit, watch two people you care for pronounce their love for each other, have a lovely meal that you don't have to cook or wash up, get a bit pissed, often have a good boogie, catch up with friends and family and stay over in a nice hotel.

This.
Make it about love, family (including LOs) and friends; not about showing off.

Aaaaah ! Have a nice day and ignore MN

But provide copious alcohol

I'm not a fan of childfree weddings as we don't have much in way of childcare that wouldn't be in the same circles and DH and I are both quite shy and anxious so wouldn't be keen to go alone.

Yy to plenty of food and another one is seating I'm only 34 but have chronic illness so can't really stand all afternoon while the photos are being done and have been to a few weddings where there's only a few seats for elderly relatives and we had to leave.

That sounds like I hate weddings but I really don't we have been to some lovely ones but food and chairs are a must