To be angry at DH for quitting his job???

[username12345678]

I am so angry and frustrated. He feels that i am BU and that I should be supportive.
He have his reasons for leaving but in my opinion when you have 3 DC you don't just walk off without having another option.

A year ago when i wanted to go full time there was no reason stopping me other than childcare. I am still happy to go full time after recovery if he do the childcare. But paying childcare while he is at home i simply can't afford that

Okay so you need to tell him firmly that he must do more housework. It's a no brainer. If he's not working he has to do clean, learn how to cook etc. If he then doesn't bother to listen you need to have serious discussions about the future of your relationship.

But I strongly disagree with putting him down because he left a job on account of stress. That's not healthy for anyone.

Was he given the option of resigning rather than being fired?

The issue here is not that he quit his job. The issue is that he did with no discussion,no warning,and even worse no plan B. If i got this right he also has form for this. He is selfish,and he is definitely lazy if he won't pick up the slack at home so OP can go full time while he takes a break.

BAsically, he wants to be one of your children. He cannot work and cannot care for a house and cannot care for the children, so either he needs to move out and get a full time carer, and PIP, which he will be entitled to if he is unable to care for himself to the extent that he cannot do housework or parent his children OR he is being a lazy, melodramatic twat who would much prefer to be spoonfed by you.

Cos I'm not really seeing another option here.

But I strongly disagree with putting him down because he left a job on account of stress. That's not healthy for anyone.

Completely agree.

He doesn't want and doesn't know how to care for dcs

Wow, you got much bigger issues here. The job is just the surface.

I am not putting him down for leaving but for not having a plan b. He had the time to look for something else while there.
I am fed up because he is not happy no matter what. If he is working its too much stress.
If he is unemployed he is depressed and wish to die.
The most annoying part is when i try to ask if its the family pressure and if he is unhappy at home he say not at all.
I am sure what to do more.
I do feel like he is one of the dcs. And i do all for everyone.
Even on a work day he go to work i have to drop dcs to school and childcare. then we finish same time instead of leaving on time and go to collect from a place each, i have to run and collect from 2 places and he leave a little after his time just that he wouldn't be able to collect children.
He made it clear that its not his responsibility.
I choose to work so i have to manage home and work.

Does he actually have 'stress'? Or is it actually 'anger issues'?

What on earth do you mean? Doesn't know
How to care for his DC?

That's usually both parties fault. Why have you not shared childcare responsibility over the years?

Stress or not, I'd be annoyed if I were you, OP.

Jobs can be stressful. Looking after children can be stressful. Life is stressful. Suck it up, Buttercup; welcome to adulthood.

Not being able to afford to feed your DC and getting turfed out of your house because you can't pay the rent/mortgage is also stressful, although I daresay that will be your issue to solve.

Whereyouleft I would say its both.
He has been diagnosed with depression. A while ago and he is not getting better no matter where he is.
His anger issue is that he doesn't like to be told off even if he did something wrong.
He want to be appraised all the time. He want who ever is dealing with him (work, family, friends ) to always remember that he is a good person and means well even if he did something wrong.

If he was having problems why didn't he start some savings and looking for another job/training during the 'good times'?

Did he flounce because he doesn't like being told what to do? Has he been to his GP with stress before now?

Has this coincided with your operation in an attempt to not be responsible? (ie not look after you because HE is ill?)

My husband hated his job so much he felt suicidal, but he couldn't quit. We just worked together on finding him a new one. He did find one- its taken a long time, and I had to listen to him cry on the phone. It was heartbreaking

But I strongly disagree with putting him down because he left a job on account of stress. That's not healthy for anyone.
But hang on, if the DH needs to leave for health reasons, he needs to go to his GP and get signed off sick, not resign in such a way as to make himself ineligible for benefits. Sounds more like leaving for strop reasons to me from OP's posts so far.

I'm diagnosed with depression. I've been on antidepressants for longer than I can remember - many years, at least 6 solidly, and 17 years intermittently.

I don't refuse to care for my children, because I can't. It's not an option I have. They would have to go into care. Now, at some point it's possible this may happen, but until then I keep poddling on, because I DON'T have a wife like you, who I can leave to work herself to death so I can indulge my feelings.

No i know he is irresponsible sometimes. But one thing i am sure off is that he loves me. It is depressing to say so.
Maybe its my fault that I didn't make him do childcare more but honestly i felt there is no option.
He was miserable. I was working once and he wasn't, we only had one dd back then i came back at 4pm to found out she did eat today and when i asked what he said she had cornflakes in the morning and an apple an hour ago.
It was half term so she was home all day watching tv. No food been prepared. House was clean to be fair

So what are you going to do, tolerate it?

He is not a bad person honestly. He just can't handle things if not told exactly what needs to be done. Same time get upset if he doesn't do it right.

Yanbu. I would be furious. Things like that have to be decided jointly. I'm on mat leave from a part time job at the moment and if my DH quit we'd be totally screwed - ie unable to pay mortgage.

Blimey. If you hadn't posted that you had three DCs I would honestly wonder if you were the wife of my XH.

Look, no more posts from me on this thread, it's hit a nerve for me and you need rational advice - but please think hard about next steps. To be reliant with someone with "form" for things like this makes for a stressful life indeed.

Not what you need. I just wonder if he realises that.

Omg, he just had pizza delivered while there is food in the kitchen

Op if your dh is ill / depressed then it's going to be a struggle to find another job. I would strongly encourage him to revisit his Gp regarding his depression. Then I would set about doing whatever it takes to keep a roof over your heads and provide for your family. If you have no savings you will need to look into tax credits and maybe speak to your mortgage lender. Increase your own working hours if you can.

No.

No, I'm sorry, adults don't have that luxury.

you know who does have that luxury? The luxury to say "I don't want to, and that means I won't, and you can't make me!"?

Spoilt children.

Until they get to school.

And that's it! Adults cannot behave like this.

He's NOT a nice man! Nice men don't walk out of jobs and waaahhhh about it when challenged, nice men don't ignore their children and give them cereal and an apple all day, nice men do not demand their wife makes herself ill trying to hold a family boat together whilst they gaily stamp holes in the sides.

He acts like a nice man - of course he does. Even the most outrageously spoilt 4 year old is charming until they don't get their own way