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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU in this argument about keys with DP

105 replies

collectingdust · 06/03/2017 11:38

(first time ever posting after years of lurking)

I just wanted to get some perspective on this disagreement with DP (one of many) as DP always makes out that I am completely unhinged and am being very unreasonable on this.

We both have keys for the front door and car, however, DP tends not to use his during the week as he has a separate work bunch that has our back door and bike shed on (he doesn't use the car for work) so he uses these to get out during the week.

So on an evening and weekend he would often grab my bunch of keys with the front door and car on as it is easier than finding his own. This has lead to him in the past leaving them in his jacket pocket so that I can't find my keys easily when I need to get out.

There has been an occasion when he has left both car keys in his pocket and then has gone to work accidentally with both sets, so I wasn't able to get out in car (Thankfully it was my day off, so not needed for work, but I did have to cancel my plans)

So, I have said to not use my keys as it is inconvenient when I can't find them and there is a risk of being left with no sets of car keys in the house if he accidentally takes both to work.

I also see my keys as part of my identity as an adult, they have my hilarious humorous key ring on them, they are mine and I just don't want to share.

AIBU, petty and unhinged, would this annoy you or would you just roll with it?

OP posts:

diddl · 06/03/2017 13:53

It would never occur to me that my keys aren't my keys & that anyone wanting to borrow them must ask & then put them back where they were or hand them straight back!

YANBU at all!

CatchIt · 06/03/2017 13:55

I would take myself straight to Pettyville myself and take his keys and see how he likes it.

It would drive me fucking mental, it's selfish and highly unreasonable. How dare he insinuate that it's your fault he's so disorganised.

Dearlittleflo · 06/03/2017 13:58

Agree with everyone else.

Does he have a Tile? Could attach one to his keys and then never lose them again (assuming he can find his phone). Mine has been life changing.

BeMorePanda · 06/03/2017 14:04

Even if you think the keys are easy to grab, right by the door etc, please know you are putting yourself and your family in a vary dangerous position. If you can try to imagine that RIGHT NOW, dirty cotton wool was shoved into your nose, eyes and mouth so you couldn't breath or see, that is what it is like being in a fire. Its not the fire that is the immediate danger (like you see on TV), it is the smoke. The smoke is not a gradual thing, its a BOOM suddenly you cant breathe or see thing. When you suddenly can't breathe or see, you just need the door to open - there is no time for keys no matter how close they are - not to mention you won't be able to even see the keys or the lock.

Sixisthemagicnumber · 06/03/2017 14:06

Depends what sort of lock it is. If it's a Yale lock, having keys won't make any difference to the burglar's ability to exit

Most insurance companies wouldn't cover you with only a Yale lock on an external door and if you have both a mortise LoJack and a Yale lock but only ise the Yale lock and a burglar uses the door your insurance would be invalid. It's surprising how many people didn't realise this when i worked in insurance. Yale locks are shit, hence insurance companies require a higher level Of security in order for your cover to be valid.

Megatherium · 06/03/2017 14:09

I've known plenty of people to make successful insurance claims having only used the Yale lock on their front door. The reality is that no burglar is going to break in via a Yale lock on the front door where he can normally be seen from the road. Once he is in the house the only thing that will happen if he needs to get out of the front door and can't is that he'll cause more damage.

Iris65 · 06/03/2017 14:13

Keep your keys somewhere convenient to you that he does not know about.
You are perfectly entitiled to keep your keys to yourself.
He's an adult and should sort himself out!

Sixisthemagicnumber · 06/03/2017 14:13

Re: invalidating insurance. How far does that extend? Just if the keys are hanging on a hook near the door? What about if they're hidden in a drawer upstairs and the burglars come across them whilst rummaging? Where is it recommended you keep them in that case, and why is it not mentioned clearly in the T&Cs?

It is usually written in black and white in the terms and conditions but most people don't bother to fully read the terms and conditions.
How far does it go? There usually isn't any further stipulation other than 'if your keys are used to exit the property then your insurance is invalid' so technically it doesn't matter how well you hide them, if your keys are used to exit the property then the insurance company can refuse to pay out. The hiding keys thing is a red herring anyway because of course everyone will just say that their keys had been well hidden even if in reality they had left them on the kitchen surface. And burglars often rummage to find valuables so hiding keys is not a viable excuse for insurance purposes. Harsh rules perhaps but it is about making people take responsibility for the security of their property as much as possible. When I worked in insurance we had many claims refused due to the keys being used to exit he property with goods or a door being left secured by only a Yale lock whilst the owner / tenant went out.

Iris65 · 06/03/2017 14:15

for everyone who needs keys to LEAVE your home (many here have mentioned being locked in if their P takes their keys), please please please be aware that this is extremely dangerous and consider changing your locks. I nearly died in a house fire (well before I had DC) and if I had needed keys to exit the property I would have died for sure. Even if you think the keys are easy to grab, right by the door etc, please know you are putting yourself and your family in a vary dangerous position. If you can try to imagine that RIGHT NOW, dirty cotton wool was shoved into your nose, eyes and mouth so you couldn't breath or see, that is what it is like being in a fire. Its not the fire that is the immediate danger (like you see on TV), it is the smoke. The smoke is not a gradual thing, its a BOOM suddenly you cant breathe or see thing. When you suddenly can't breathe or see, you just need the door to open - there is no time for keys no matter how close they are - not to mention you won't be able to even see the keys or the lock.

The advice where I live is to lock our front door as it opens directly onto the street and there are a lot of burglaries. Rock and a hard place.

doctorboo · 06/03/2017 14:22

This would drive me potty and my DH has had form in the past too. Gives me the rage.

diddl · 06/03/2017 14:27

I don't lock my door in the day time when I'm in-you still need a key to get in, but why would anyone leave a door unlocked at night?

blissey · 06/03/2017 14:28

My DH has form for this. I have slimmed down my set of keys and am now keeping it in my pocket at all times. I occasionally have to buy new jeans because the pocket wears out, but it's worth it.

BeMorePanda · 06/03/2017 14:31

The advice where I live is to lock our front door as it opens directly onto the street and there are a lot of burglaries. Rock and a hard place.

You need locks you can open without a key though. They have a knob/switch on the inside that you can feel & turn without keys, but you need a key to lock it from the outside. Very common.

If you close your eyes and hold your breath right now and try and find your keys and get you and your DC out of the home, that is the situation I was in in a house fire (except I only had myself to get out).

Sherlock35 · 06/03/2017 14:34

He's definitely being unreasonable.

knackeredinyorkshire · 06/03/2017 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SauvignonBlanche · 06/03/2017 14:40

YANBU at all DH is always leaving his keys in random places all over the house as he comes in (walking past the fucking row of key hooks) then was using mine (hanging on said key hooks) to lock up.

Of course he couldn't return MY keys to the afore-mentioned keys and the when I tried to exit the house at 06:30 I had to go through all his pockets looking for them, I always woke him up to 'help'.

I got lots of pink fluffy key rings and even used a label maker to write 'DH don't touch' on them to little avail.

What did help was when I attached a key fob of a My Waitrose card to them as he's an inverted snob and I told him he wouldn't want to be seen with anything 'posh'. Try anything!

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 06/03/2017 14:41

Wot a dick. I would NOT be happy and would make it known.

Maybe you should start inconveniencing him in 'petty' ways OP and see how he likes it!

coconutpie · 06/03/2017 15:13

YANBU. Your 'D'P is being a dick. I would not be putting up with this. Put your keys in your bag and tell him that he is not allowed use them. He is an adult and if he can't handle the responsibility of having keys then that's his problem, not yours.

Snotgobbler99 · 06/03/2017 15:45

Attach a huge key fob that he would find embarrassing to be seen using. A big photo of Justin Bieber, preferably topless, should do the trick. Better still, one of the latest pics of Emma Watson...

Happyandhungry · 06/03/2017 15:46

YANBU. HIDE THEM.

Sixisthemagicnumber · 06/03/2017 16:06

But those kind of locks don't meet insurance requirements panda and they are no good for families who have a child with special needs who is likely to Open the door and abscond (quite common in certain special needs).

BeMorePanda · 06/03/2017 16:24

six you can put them up high.

We all have to balance the risks for own own families.

re insurance you can double lock the door with a key when you are out. I can't believe an insurance company requires you to double lock a door with a key when you are in. As long as you have a door that locks.

Sixisthemagicnumber · 06/03/2017 16:30

Even if I put them up high my ds who has autism and other needs would be able to unlock it and escape - he is taller than me. I suppose the balance for us is keeping ds securely inside the house. For other families that might not be an issue.

When you double lock those locks from the outside could somebody still open it by turning the knob if they were inside the property? If they can't then the insurance would be fine with that but if somebody can break in and then open the door from the inside and leave with all your goods a lot of insurance companies would have a problem with that.

Sixisthemagicnumber · 06/03/2017 16:33

This is what most insurance companies require in terms of locks.
There is something about them needing to be locked with a key from inside. Obviously some companies might be more lenient but this is pretty much standard from when i worked in insurance.
I'm seriously not making this stuff up, the company I worked for genuinely refused to pay out claims where the locks didn't meet requirements.
www.aviva.co.uk/home/approved-locks.html

BeMorePanda · 06/03/2017 16:38

When you double lock those locks from the outside could somebody still open it by turning the knob if they were inside the property?
No - not if you have locked it with key from outside the property

So we have normal Yale lock similar to this:
www.screwfix.com/p/yale-630089001702-night-latch-grey-60mm-backset/42344

and then a deadbolt similar to this which locks with key from outside, or we can put on manually from inside when we go to be/are indoors :
www.banham.co.uk/doorlocks/m2003/

both can be opened without keys from inside in event of emergency, and can be double locked from outside if you are out of the home.

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