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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU in this argument about keys with DP

105 replies

collectingdust · 06/03/2017 11:38

(first time ever posting after years of lurking)

I just wanted to get some perspective on this disagreement with DP (one of many) as DP always makes out that I am completely unhinged and am being very unreasonable on this.

We both have keys for the front door and car, however, DP tends not to use his during the week as he has a separate work bunch that has our back door and bike shed on (he doesn't use the car for work) so he uses these to get out during the week.

So on an evening and weekend he would often grab my bunch of keys with the front door and car on as it is easier than finding his own. This has lead to him in the past leaving them in his jacket pocket so that I can't find my keys easily when I need to get out.

There has been an occasion when he has left both car keys in his pocket and then has gone to work accidentally with both sets, so I wasn't able to get out in car (Thankfully it was my day off, so not needed for work, but I did have to cancel my plans)

So, I have said to not use my keys as it is inconvenient when I can't find them and there is a risk of being left with no sets of car keys in the house if he accidentally takes both to work.

I also see my keys as part of my identity as an adult, they have my hilarious humorous key ring on them, they are mine and I just don't want to share.

AIBU, petty and unhinged, would this annoy you or would you just roll with it?

OP posts:
scoobydooagain · 06/03/2017 12:52

If he does not take his during the week can you just go out straight from work a couple of times so he is locked out? If you are in before him, lock the door and go and have a bath or something. My partner never used to take his house keys, being locked out a few times and he has learned!

Wando1986 · 06/03/2017 12:52

OP a ford key from a local car key cutter can be encoded and cut for around £40. Mine is an 04 fiesta and cost me £42 for each spare including coding.

Megatherium · 06/03/2017 12:54

Am I the only person who is concerned about insurance being invalid if a burglar breaks in and uses the keys to exit the property?

Depends what sort of lock it is. If it's a Yale lock, having keys won't make any difference to the burglar's ability to exit.

RedBugMug · 06/03/2017 12:55

yanbu
my jacket (only my winter one sob) has a chain&hook for keys in one pocket. that's where my keys live.

Aebj · 06/03/2017 12:57

You are fine op to be upset by this.
You are not alone in having dh take keys.
Dh has taken mine twice . The first time wasn't to bad as I didn't have to work that day. But he was upset I hadn't been to the shops!!! Ummm that's because you had my keys!!!
Second time ( obviously I didn't spin enough the first time!!) he had to return home. Why I couldn't collect them as he had an important meeting!! Ummm no dh how I do collect car keys if you have both bloody sets! Don't care how important your meeting is.
We only have one set of keys for one of the cars and he's locked these in the car before!!! We called the RAC out for this. RAC man was great and got my 11 year old to help him break into the car to get keys out!! Comical night that was!

Megatherium · 06/03/2017 12:57

Objecting to being potentially left without car keys is clearly neither petty nor unhinged. He can't claim you're unhinged to think he's walk off with your keys, either, given that he's done it in the past.

I would also disagree with people who suggest you get a spare set of keys cut for him. Clearly all that would happen is that they would disappear as well, and there is no need for OP to go out of her way to facilitate her husband in being helpless.

Kiroro · 06/03/2017 13:00

Why didn't he return the keys to you INSTANTLY on figuring out what had happened when he took your car keys to work?

madeleinecreek · 06/03/2017 13:02

My keys are on a retractable key ring sewn into my handbag - could that work for you? You may have to superglue the keyring closed so he can't get it off. That or attach your key ring to a giant pink dildo.

paddypants13 · 06/03/2017 13:04

This would drive me mad, yanbu.

We used to share a front door with sil and bil and they only had one set of keys between them.

I often locked sil in by mistake or had to interrupt dd's feed to let bil in.

Drove me mental.

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/03/2017 13:08

"So on an evening and weekend he would often grab my bunch of keys with the front door and car on as it is easier than finding his own." (my bolding)

So basically he is saying that his convenience is more important than yours? Because that's what it boils down to. He has his own keys, he has no NEED to use yours. But because he considers himself too important to remember where he put them, he shifts the work onto you, the less important person. Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

You are neither petty nor unhinged. He, however, is a sulky arsewipe.

"yes it is his standard stance in an argument to make out that I am unreasonable and mentally wobbly."
Mentally wobbly. I'd show him mentally wobbly if he pulled that shit on me. Good guys do not do this.

harderandharder2breathe · 06/03/2017 13:10

Yanbu

If he can't put them back where he found them then he can't borrow them

ScarlettFreestone · 06/03/2017 13:11

YANBU. Not even a tiny little bit.

And if I had to cancel my plans in my day off because some irresponsible manchild couldn't manage to return a set of keys to a hook I'd have been volcanically angry.

TheObserverOne · 06/03/2017 13:11

This would also drive me nuts. If that makes me petty and unhinged then so be it! Grin not very helpful

WhoKn0wsWhereTheTimeG0es · 06/03/2017 13:16

That would drive me mad too, I've had to drive 20 miles back once because DH managed to leave his bunch of keys in the door pocket of my car on Sunday evening weekend with his only workshop key on it.

As for not leaving house keys in the house, surely it's normal to have a spare or two inside the house at any given time? We have them to lend out to visiting relatives, cat-sitting friends or in case we lose ours. In any case, burglars could always find the back door or patio door keys and let themselves out that way, we don't take all those out when we go out either.

WhoKn0wsWhereTheTimeG0es · 06/03/2017 13:18

Also the DCs have keys, but if all 4 of us go out together we don't necessarily take all 4 sets.

ChocChocPorridge · 06/03/2017 13:24

YANBU. DP knows he is not to use my bunch of keys. He has his own keys and he can bloody well put them in the bowl so he knows where they are, or find them himself. Nicking mine is not allowed.

And I might add, he has keys, so he can let himself in. I am generally busy doing whatever when he gets in, and don't want to be interrupted to let him in a door he can open perfectly well on his own.

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 06/03/2017 13:25

I'd hate this. Dh and I each have work related keys on our keyrings so would never do this, but id hate someone taking my keys just because they're too lazy to look for their own.

I agree with pp about not leaving keys in the house like he's doing. in addition to the potential insurance issues, it could lead Rio other problems. We had a break in a while ago and they were looking for car keys. Car wasn't particularly fancy and apparently this is becoming increasingly common.

Also, can you open your doors from the inside without a key? We can't, so if dh cleared off with both sets of keys I'd be locked in. (Don't fancy my chances trying to get out through a window in an emergency either!)

DJBaggySmalls · 06/03/2017 13:27

YANBU and he has no business calling you unhinged. Hang up some fake keys for him to dick around with and hide yours.

MaryMorpho · 06/03/2017 13:28

Ex was like this. If he needed something he would just take it - it used to drive me most mad with charging cables. We had loads but he would always lose his and then simply grab any he could find - if it belonged to me or one of the kids, even if it was in use, he'd just take it. Then of course, lose it / leave it at work, so they were always running out. Had so many arguments about how it was selfish and showed no respect for other people, which he simply could not grasp, or he would just deny he'd taken them to try to shut me up Angry

The only practical solution is to hide your own stuff. But I'm not sure you can do anything about the entitled attitude. I LTB (though there were a million other issues too)

Meluzyna · 06/03/2017 13:28

Another one wondering why you don't keep your keys in your handbag, OP? I always do and move them from bag to bag as necessary - the three things I check I have before leaving the house - keys, driving licence, phone. (Regardless of whether I am actually driving - I use the licence as ID and it has emergency "petrol money" stashed inside it.)

Topseyt · 06/03/2017 13:33

That would drive me round the bend. You are not being at all unreasonable or unhinged.

My DH has until fairly recently been very good at losing or forgetting his keys. He isn't allowed to lay a finger on mine or they would disappear into thin air too.

I don't usually keep mine on the key rack. I keep them in my handbag so that no-one else can get them.

goinglocomoto · 06/03/2017 13:33

Speaking of keys, yesterday dp dropped me at the shop and lent me his keys as mine were at bottom of my weekend bag. He then went out for the afternoon. Took a nap and woke up to an awful expletive text from him because he couldn't get in (he was out there for 10 mins).

Fine, it must have been frustrating. But he seemed to have forgotten about the night in December when he accidentally locked me out for the whole night. He finally he realised and found me shivering on the doorstep at 6am - 8 HOURS later! 8 hours in contrast to 10 minutes - what a massive fucking hypocrite.

He did buy me a big bunch of flowers to say sorry, but will never forget the hell of that night out in the freezing cold. Hurumph.

wherethewildrosesgrow · 06/03/2017 13:36

if hes not responsible enough to look after his own keys, then he would not be using mine, had almost the same thing here at 4.30am, huband came home fri, dumped his work keys and work phone just where they landed, 8am sat, toddler running around with them, told him to retrieve them himself and put them in a safe place, he put them on a coffee table, still within easy reach of toddler...too fucking lazy to put them in the key cupboard, I just looked at him and shook my head, to which he just looked at me and said 'what?? I'll move them in a min', Sun a.m. still on coffee table FF to 4.30am this morning, I'm awoken with a sheepish 'have you see my keys anywhere', my reply was no, and rolled over in bed.......cue lots of muttering, I woke at 6.30am to find the house completely turned over, every single drawer/ cupboard tipped out etc.....He will be putting it all straight when he gets home.....and from now on I quit wiping his arse for him, he can get on with it

TitaniasCloset · 06/03/2017 13:43

Yanbu. This would drive me nuts. If an adult cannot be trusted to put important things back where they belong then they are definitely not taking my stuff.

I would expect that sort of behaviour from my teens, not a fully grown man. And even my kids know I will go batshit if they dont put things back where they belong.

Your dh is an inconsiderate childish arsewipe.

Oh and I totally get the meaning of having your 'grown up keys' and looking after them like an adult.

TitaniasCloset · 06/03/2017 13:44

Op I think everyone agrees yanbu!

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