New school threatening EWO referral.

[Givemeallthechocolate]

Sorry that this will be long, but ive been worrying since yesterday when DD came home from school.
It was a letter referring to DDs very low attendance at school, it says she will be monitored for three weeks and if no improvement is made then they will make a referral to EWO officer.

This is a fairly new school, and DD has had a lot of time off, but every single absence she has had has been completely unavoidable, that being said it has been a really unfortunate year,

The first four weeks of the school year DD went back to school and was constantly sent home for having tummy troubles. She complained of Diahorrea or pain and they would call me and send her home, which completely butchered any chances of having good attendance.
It got to the point where I had arranged with the school that I would go in and give painkillers, but she just couldnt keep coming home. I was constantly getting called from appointments to dispense painkillers, then sometimes go and collect her. it turned out to be friendship problems (i did take her to the drs several times about this)

Then there are the recurrent throat infections. she has had 9 throat infections in the past year. which has meant time off for appointments. its not always possible to get appointments after school, I dont tend to keep her off unless her condition is considered to be quite bad, IE fever/ not having slept because of her throat/ not eating.

then off the top of my head ive kept her off twice because of vomiting.

Then we moved in December, she attended her old school until the day they broke up for christmas. After the school holidays it took me a week to get the form for her to change school, proof of address and get her enrolled into a school. The form arrived at our house, the next day we viewed schools, the next day she started this current school.

Since starting this school she had a really bad throat infection which she had a few days off with, I got Dd ready for school and they refused her in because she had taken painkillers, they told me that she could come back once she no longer required painkillers. which was a further 3 days, so a week.

the 2 absences for sickness.

2 Drs appointments- both of which she had been given antibiotics to take.

1 funeral, which I took her out for half of an afternoon for.

Ive done all I can to ensure DD attends school. I send her in armed with antibiotics. I dont take her to Drs unnecessarily. Ive communicated with the school, and I think the fact that i made her available at a time that they thought she was too unwell shows this.

But ive now received this letter. It made me feel very much like they view it as im just not bothered to wake up and get DD to school, which is not the case.
If Dd is home from school we try to go onto learning websites and I try to ensure she reads more than she usually does. She tends to make her way through a book each week, like david walliams, Roald dahl, or wimpy kid.

How do I deal with this? I feel like ive been judged as a bad mum.

Ive written a letter explaining that I understand the implications of low attendance on both education and social paramaters, but these missed attendances have all been within the remit of their sickness procedures, Ive kept in contact with the school at all times, and I have even made DD available to return to school at times they deemed too soon.

Then to explain that the reason for many of DDs days off is that she has recurrent throat infections, which has required no less than 9 sets of antibiotics within the past 12 months, and if they would really like to support us in ensuring DD attends school more regularly that they might like to write a letter to GP/ ENT to explain the effect on DDs education and that the sooner they can get her tonsils out the better. Preferably before the start of the new school year.

Then to also say that whilst it wouldnt help to ensure that attendance goes up, but would ensure less educational struggles, if they could signpost me to where I can figure out what is best for me and DD to try and work through on the days that she is off.

Ive possibly taken this far too personally, and I may be too het up about this, but I really am quite offended. Ive sent them letters explaining exactly why DD hasnt been at school. they know that there are some medical issues. They give her antibiotics. so its not like im taking DD out of school for no reason.

Its just scary, and upsetting.

I dont know how to handle this. I just feel like theres an insinuation that I dont care about her education, when I really, really do.

Flooring bin! Exactly. It's the last thing needed!

I had a quick discussion with the lady who sent the letter this morning, it's quite obvious that she has no concerns, but it is procedure to send the letter when attendance drops below a certain point. I asked if proof was needed for illness. She said what they already had was more than sufficient.
Also went over the procedure for painkillers, which is as explained to me, but it's something we will discuss in a meeting which I've booked for Wednesday. I'd just said I felt it was at odds with the letter I'd received telling me off. I'd said I understand it seems that the children's needs seem most important with that policy, but then because of pressure from ofsted they send these letters which put pressure on us as parents.

She seemed really quite happy.

There was another parent who overheard (I wasn't shouting!) And is in a similar position, and he gave me some advice.

Apparently the same wording is used for every letter, and they send these letters to everyone in case EWO wants to meet with us, because otherwise we could say we had no idea our child's attendance was bad.

Seems I may have made a mountain out of a molehill!

*fliptopbin- sorry my phone edited your name!,

I don't think you made a mountain out of a molehill at all op.
Sadly, your stress over this is understandable and a result of the ridiculous way schools issue a one size fits all letter to tick a box and satisfy Ofsted, with no regard to individual circumstances.
I think some posters gave you a really hard time as well, when it was obvious you were very worried anyway.

Please dont cancel your holiday. In the wider scheme of things, your bright dd will gain loads from a trip to Disney, especially as you have already paid for it. It will do you good as well.

If you do consider home ed, feel free to pm me and I can help you with letter of deregistration.

Op are you still going to go away.

Good news op. I still think you should have your holiday.

The school will Be answerable to the council so attendance figures need to be explained (hence the generic letter once attendance drops below a certain point)

School and EWO will Discuss problem cases and recommendations will be made on who to call in fur a meeting.

I have sat in on quite a few of these meetings and they usually go 1 of 2 ways.

1. parents don't attend meeting at all, or attend but are disinterested, full of excuses, don't really give a shit, question attendance records are accurate
   (Giving school and EWO cause for concern)

2. parents attend, are aware of child's low attendance, have valid reasons, are willing to work with school and child to encourage better attendance, EWO is usually a great support in this instance, parents, school & EWO keep communicating and child's attendance nearly always improves (parent & schools relationship is strengthened)

Just speak- I think we're in the second category.
I'm sure that their attendance records will be spot on. They are a great school. If and when I speak to the EWO, I have a few ideas of how the school can help to get DDs attendance up, for example their policy of children not attending if they require painkillers. This rests on the idea that children aren't fit to be in school if they are in pain and painkillers wear off during the day. Maybe this can be revised somewhat, as I as self employed which generally means I can be around if I need to administer calpol one extra time during the day.
And if they can help push so I can get this tonsillectomy done through the summer hols.
I'm full of ideas!

Just as an update on DDs health, there is a child who has been waiting to have his tonsils out for a v long time. NHS have told him they don't have funding to go ahead. The poor mite has had tonsillitis every 2 weeks for years, so may well need to go private for this operation.

Maybe this could mean we can get it out of the way and start September in a completely different direction!

Also, is there such a thing as a part time timetable for children who cannot always attend school because of illness? I'm rather haphazardly trying to find out if there is any chance that I can set something up so DD can attend school when she is well, but I can get set up to teach her at home for periods of illness, and more likely when she's had her operation and she's off school recouping.

Don't even know how long they are supposed to recoup for before going back to school. Sure it was 2 weeks when I had mine out over 10 years ago!

Going against the grain here, don't cancel your holiday. You have booked it 15 months ago and have said she's never been away, it's not an important year in regards to exams etc so why is one great after your daughter has been so ill such a big deal. Sorry but I wouldn't cancel and I don't think you should either, tell the school straight, she is your child she is under your authority not theirs, they do not get to decide to send her home when you are happy to send her in and then decide if you can holiday without a fine or not, it's shocking and disgusting that they think they can do that. If they hadn't kept sending her home I'm sure her attendance would have been a bit better and there wouldn't be as much of an issue. School is not compulsory and parents shouldn't be charged for a service missed that isn't actually required. Enjoy your holiday with your daughter, and fight back if they try to fight you. As others have said though in regards to the illness you might get help in getting the school to accept that and move on. Good luck.

Unfortunately in AIBU, you have to put your flameproof pants on.

m0therofdragons DS2 has never been on holiday in 5 years because we can't afford it. Some people are that poor.

My DD was like this in primary school, also had an accident meaning nearly a month off, it was ok until secondary school where they tried to get her off role in year 7 so as to improve their overall attendance. They employed a local authority EWO and she judged success by the number of parents she took to court, she was in the local paper for bullying families.

Not having your child in school, regardless of illness, is a statutory offence. The statutory defence is medical evidence. My DD is still prone to immune system problems so I am trying to gather that evidence (well what I really want is a diagnosis but school aren't interested in that!) We are now in year 9 and not much further ahead - DD hates being off and we are worried about starting GCSE courses in year 10, even beyond that how will she cope when she goes to college or uni, or work. There seems no end in sight.

BTW - definitely take the holiday, but make that the last one iyfswim

I’ve actually joined mumsnet just to say this! You sound like a great mum, and it’s a shame that some people have weighed in so heavily. If you’ve made a few mistakes, then welcome to the human race. Your membership card is in the post.

For my part (and speaking as a teacher) I don’t think term-time holidays are the crime of the century. It’s true there is a correlation between absence and poor performance at school. However, that analysis lumps together all child absences - children who are kept off to care for relatives for example, or those whose parents aren't interested in them or their education - with children who are simply ill and/or have a cheeky holiday. All viewed through the same statistical lens. So far as I know there is no research to tell whether the educational impact differs depending on reasons for absence. However both experience and common sense tell me that it differs greatly, and children of parents who are involved and committed to their learning and development are far less likely to fall behind than those who spend their childhood babysitting, for example.

If the choice is between a term-time holiday and no holiday at all, then the holiday wins hands down for me. It’s real, quality family time without the pressures of work, home and school. It’s a chance to bond, to do something a bit different, a bit exciting, and maybe even learn something new. What’s more, it’s booked, you can’t move it, and it’s something you will all remember for the rest of your lives. I think it would be a needless waste of money and a real shame to cancel it. If you’re ok to pay the fine and can shrug off a slap on the wrist, then take that holiday. Enjoy it, make lots of memories, and leave the school books at home.

When I was a kid, my mum would have been furious if I’d tried to con my way out of school due to friendship issues, by the way. I wouldn’t have dared do it twice. However, she would sometimes let me have special days off with my nanna, just for the hell of it. Nanna lavished me with attention, taught me to do non-exam things like cook hotpot and sew buttons and fix taps, and told me stories about the olden days. And if I was sick, guess what? Mum kept me home until I was better. Didn’t pack me off to school to sit about like a mini-zombie spreading my germs around. Later on I was even allowed cheeky days off to catch up on coursework and homework in peace. (To be fair I was a studious child. My sister was a con merchant and not afforded the same freedom.) Mum would have been flayed on mumsnet, but luckily the internet had yet to be invented and the end result was about an 83% attendance rate, and straight As in my exams. Oh, and incredibly fond memories of my Nanna. So maybe that's why I’m not opposed to a bit of truancy if it’s done right :)

Having said all that, it’s likely that your dd has some gaps in her learning at the moment, and in your shoes I would be looking to address that. You can access the National Curriculum online to see what’s expected in each school year and check for gaps yourself. And you can buy comprehensive KS1 and KS2 revision guides for the same purpose. Nearer the time, I would ask the teacher what main topics/learning objectives are planned for during your Disney trip, and resolve to cover them with your dd at some future time (not on holiday!)

Feel free to PM me if you need a link to the National Curriculum documents, or would like any suggestions about catching up. Also, don’t take any of the harsher comments to heart, or waste your energy thinking about them. Some people don’t seem to know the difference between having an opinion and being rude!

Well said papercoversrock and welcome to Mumsnet!

I would also hold off on cancelling that holiday.

My DS has never been on holiday either, and if I'd managed to book Disneyland my heart would break at cancelling his only chance so far in his life to feel like the other kids in his class, because the poor thing had been too ill that year.

I'm pretty sure you're feeling the same x

Re illness, I think you're doing all the right things. Just to reassure you, I was sick on and off for my whole school career, 21 ops and whole terms off. I think my school work did suffer a wee bit but I was bright and motivated so still came out with 9 gcses (7 a's, 2b's, in the days before a*'s), and 3A's, 1B for a-level, stressed and by the skin of my teeth as 2 a levels were effectively done at home/ on small amounts of tutoring in the last 2 terms only (predicted grades were impossible but still managed to get a uni place at somewhere I wanted to go.

Gradually over the years of uni the illness got more manageable and I had a ball (& came out with the first 1st in the history of that combination of course).

I'm not saying this to boast, in fact it's been literally years since I mentioned any grades or qualifications to anyone. I tend to keep quiet and know there are so many people with more qualifications and more brain filled goodness than me :)

But I thought it might help you relax a bit over some missed school in year 4.

It will be ok.
You will be ok.
Your DD will be ok.

Promise as much as any human can... and along the way, be kind to yourself too