New school threatening EWO referral.

[Givemeallthechocolate]

Sorry that this will be long, but ive been worrying since yesterday when DD came home from school.
It was a letter referring to DDs very low attendance at school, it says she will be monitored for three weeks and if no improvement is made then they will make a referral to EWO officer.

This is a fairly new school, and DD has had a lot of time off, but every single absence she has had has been completely unavoidable, that being said it has been a really unfortunate year,

The first four weeks of the school year DD went back to school and was constantly sent home for having tummy troubles. She complained of Diahorrea or pain and they would call me and send her home, which completely butchered any chances of having good attendance.
It got to the point where I had arranged with the school that I would go in and give painkillers, but she just couldnt keep coming home. I was constantly getting called from appointments to dispense painkillers, then sometimes go and collect her. it turned out to be friendship problems (i did take her to the drs several times about this)

Then there are the recurrent throat infections. she has had 9 throat infections in the past year. which has meant time off for appointments. its not always possible to get appointments after school, I dont tend to keep her off unless her condition is considered to be quite bad, IE fever/ not having slept because of her throat/ not eating.

then off the top of my head ive kept her off twice because of vomiting.

Then we moved in December, she attended her old school until the day they broke up for christmas. After the school holidays it took me a week to get the form for her to change school, proof of address and get her enrolled into a school. The form arrived at our house, the next day we viewed schools, the next day she started this current school.

Since starting this school she had a really bad throat infection which she had a few days off with, I got Dd ready for school and they refused her in because she had taken painkillers, they told me that she could come back once she no longer required painkillers. which was a further 3 days, so a week.

the 2 absences for sickness.

2 Drs appointments- both of which she had been given antibiotics to take.

1 funeral, which I took her out for half of an afternoon for.

Ive done all I can to ensure DD attends school. I send her in armed with antibiotics. I dont take her to Drs unnecessarily. Ive communicated with the school, and I think the fact that i made her available at a time that they thought she was too unwell shows this.

But ive now received this letter. It made me feel very much like they view it as im just not bothered to wake up and get DD to school, which is not the case.
If Dd is home from school we try to go onto learning websites and I try to ensure she reads more than she usually does. She tends to make her way through a book each week, like david walliams, Roald dahl, or wimpy kid.

How do I deal with this? I feel like ive been judged as a bad mum.

Ive written a letter explaining that I understand the implications of low attendance on both education and social paramaters, but these missed attendances have all been within the remit of their sickness procedures, Ive kept in contact with the school at all times, and I have even made DD available to return to school at times they deemed too soon.

Then to explain that the reason for many of DDs days off is that she has recurrent throat infections, which has required no less than 9 sets of antibiotics within the past 12 months, and if they would really like to support us in ensuring DD attends school more regularly that they might like to write a letter to GP/ ENT to explain the effect on DDs education and that the sooner they can get her tonsils out the better. Preferably before the start of the new school year.

Then to also say that whilst it wouldnt help to ensure that attendance goes up, but would ensure less educational struggles, if they could signpost me to where I can figure out what is best for me and DD to try and work through on the days that she is off.

Ive possibly taken this far too personally, and I may be too het up about this, but I really am quite offended. Ive sent them letters explaining exactly why DD hasnt been at school. they know that there are some medical issues. They give her antibiotics. so its not like im taking DD out of school for no reason.

Its just scary, and upsetting.

I dont know how to handle this. I just feel like theres an insinuation that I dont care about her education, when I really, really do.

Magiecate- I can understand that. I can understand if everyone's treated the same, it's good they are checking these things out. If they can help with work that would be good.
I didn't know they did that.

Coming onto AIBU, seeking advice, getting told something you didn't like and then calling posters witches and telling them to go fuck themselves isn't going to endear you much to others, dear.

In reality the EWO will probably have sympathy with you to a point about the illnesses but in the circumstances is not going to sympathise with the holiday situation. You know this, everyone else knows this, so what's the problem?

MOtberofdragons, believe it or not she's doing OK. We do a lot at home to try and keep her into date on her core subjects. Her spelling is coming along, as is her sentence formation. Her reading age is around 11 years, there were extra months but I couldn't tell you off the top of my head. Her mathematics is good, she was on the top table in the last school, we spend a lot of time on bitesize and we read at least one big book per week, usually two if she's missed time at school. But this could all change given a subject she doesn't grasp.
The EWO may not be bad. It just sounds scary. It just doesn't sound positive. I doubt that they'd think much different to me, and could be amazing support. But no, neither school has been great in that sense, but what can they do?

Sorry about your allergy.

I think you know you need to cancel that holiday. Holidays in term time in the uk state system are a recipe for disaster. I hope you can get the money back on your deposit.

I'm posting to offer advice about the tonsils though. If you've had a referral sent (and do check with the receptionist that it's been done) you could contact the consultants secretary and explain how severely your DDs attendance at school is being affected. Ask for an early appointment and then when you do get offered tonsillectomy, ask for it to be done at the start of the school holidays. This may not be possible but most departments would try to help.

Try not to take it personally, it does sound like you need some help, which I'm sure you'll be given. But that holiday has to go, or be rescheduled for school holidays.

When you work and your kids are ill, you just have to find a way to manage sending them in.

I teach and get recurrent throat infections. I just struggle in though, put up with it, warm drinks, strepsils etc. I'd lose my job if my attendance was 80%.

Suffolk grand- I don't expect that anyone should feel sympathy for me RE the holiday. Not at all. I'm disclosing because it's related and I'm not trying to paint myself as a saint.
But I am not in this situation because of the holiday. Which I will cancel.

But I don't think all of the posters have been fair or nice in their replies. That was my problem. I posted being fairly sure that there are other mothers who may have also felt a bit judged by the schools who send chair children home, then complain of low attendance.

Just take deep breaths, smile and it'll all be fine. Just a blip!

Allergy is my own bloody fault for using soap in a public toilet as a woman was loudly in the queue going on about people who don't wash their hands. I use alcohol gel if I don't know the soap brand/ingredients but it was in the bag dh had outside so I washed my hands so a random woman wouldn't judge me. Bet she's asleep nicely now!

Term time holidays aren't always a disaster. My eldest is year 4 and we're taking her out for 4 days after Easter so we can spend 3 weeks in America visiting family. Our school cannot authorise it but verbally support it as travel is seen as part of educating the whole child. You do have to be a bit sensible about it though.

Hpandbacon sandwiches!,

Very helpful advice RE having tonsils out. I was going to pester the ewo to send a letter to them and urge them to try and get it done over holidays, so September can start and we have a chance of good attendance next year.

Lol, let's not talk about getting money back for holiday. Entire balance was paid last week. We live and we Learn!

Leccybill- I do work. For a pittance, but I do .
I'd love to get a better job, until this is all sorted it's on the back burner though.
Not trying to be sarcastic or rude or anything. But kids can't really have warm drinks or strepsils in school though can they?

Or is there a special way to get these allowed from the school?

Mother of dragons,
Certainly will! I'll gather some evidence and I'm sure it will all be fine. Thanks!

Oh gosh! Well you weren't judged!-was it worth it?

Your child's school sounds like DDs in approving them to travel as it's good education.
Couldn't imagine it swinging for me now though!
Once DD has had tonsils out maybe!

I wouldn't rule out the holiday just yet-sounds like your dd is doing really well at school and it would be very hard on you as a family not to be able to take her away. As others have said sounds like a run of bad luck which will hopefully improve once her tonsils are sorted-EWO should be able to see you're doing everything you can to get your dd to be in school.

giveme I had sympathy with you until you started insulting people by calling them witches. It should not be used as an insult, just as other religions are not.

Claire. Genuinely, I'm sorry. No offence to witches I didn't think.

Pumpkintop- I hope EWO will see it. I'm quitw open to whatever may happen, as much as it seems like a punishment! I don't really know what they do, I don't know why, but I imagine them coming round when DD is off, which would be exceptionally helpful.

Ok apology accepted.

I am sorry your DD is ill. I think the main thing here is to push for the ENT referral, or maybe cancel the holiday and use the money to go private?

Pumpkintop- sure that EWO will confirm that DD is actually unwell when off.

I had the EWO come to make house when I was in Secondary school. No fines in those days. My attendance was less than 70 percent. I had a gastric ulcer and was bullied which made the stress worse. He asked why I missed so much school and then went. I don't know if it is the same now.

My not make

Claire,
Thanks.
I've paid it all off, if it's cancelled I can't really get the money back, but private is something I've started to look into.
Finally the referral has been made, but the NHS wait was around 6 months when I had mine out, which would put us in the beginning on next school year, so may need to bite the bullet and go private.

That sounds really painful! Hope it wasn't as bad as it sounds?
Oh wow, I imagined them banging on the door at 9:05 with a thermometer in hand!

chocolate, this all sounds crap and so sorry you have had all the worry about DD and now this.

"How do I deal with this? I feel like ive been judged as a bad mum."

Would it help to make an appointment to see someone at the school about this, go and listen to them and then explain briefly about health issues and ask their advice. As they are not medical people, they will probably be unable to give any advice but will at least I hope appreciate your keenness.

"Ive possibly taken this far too personally, and I may be too het up about this, but I really am quite offended. Ive sent them letters explaining exactly why DD hasnt been at school. they know that there are some medical issues. They give her antibiotics. so its not like im taking DD out of school for no reason.

Its just scary, and upsetting."

OK, so you know that you had done your best. I would, if I were you, just go in for a chat, that is what I would do. Let them talk first, let them get out all the stuff they want to say then explain it's medical and you've sent letters and ask their advice. I'd take whatever records you want to take.

Sun "The school are predominantly interested in their absence figures..." So true!

Letters are triggered automatically by absences, even when there is a valid reason. My friend got a letter like this, went in to the school to talk to the person in charge of this type of thing, only to find they were off sick!

And I won't be judging you for your term time holiday either!

How sad you feel you need to cancel a holiday. Personally, once this has all blown over a bit I might talk to the school and see what they say. I think it is so wrong you cannot have a holiday!

ShoeEatingMonster what makes you think it took a long time to move schools?

"DD is in year 4" she's so young, I don't think this should be seen as such a massive issue, I was thinking it was high school.

PuddleJumper yes we all know what is important to Ofsted and it certainly is not children! Really offensive posts to someone who needs support.

When people moan about term time holidays it so makes me want to take my kids on one, never done it yet but there is always time!

Get through this and then reassess the holiday.

It's very easy for people to say about term time holidays but really work out what works for you. We went to Disneyland Paris in the half term, it was pretty good, not too bad weather and not too busy.

You sound like a really caring, but also quite stressed mum. Look after yourself

PS AIBU is brutal and many Mumsnetters have a thing about term time holidays...

Don't cancel the holiday, sounds like you all need it! Really at year 4 level you can make sure your dd catches up. Maybe you could book some private tutoring to make sure she's covered everything in the curriculum.

I'd also get her medical records sorted out so you can pass them onto the school/local authority.

You've had some harsh comments on here OP.

Givemeallthechocolate
Yup. Tired. Apparently they'd been running around a lot on Sunday.
Other times people keep their kids off for snuffles, minor tonsilitis, feeling a bit under the weather etc.
Yes, coming in would mean not feeling 100% but for minor bugs it's best to be in and learning. At secondary they can give themselves painkillers and primary you can send them in with it. Tissues, strepsils, flask of lemspi etc are all perfectly ok during the day. (Ive even got a student a warm drink from the staff room when rheyve felt really rubbish).

Obviously, if someones really ill they shouldn't be in. But you'd be amazed how often I get asked by kids if they can go to student reception to go home for the snuffles.

If DD's attendance is under 80% then that's a massive concern from a school point of view. You jnow your child best but I'd say with pain killers and some antibiotics shed he fine to be back in school. Out of interest has it crossed your mind she might exaggerate symptoms because she knows you'll let her stay off? (Years back I had a girl who had her mum worried sick because of random pains. Mum had her to so many medical things worried sick and the childs version was found to be exaggerated. But this was after months of mum having to come in during the day etc)