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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wear my 'baby on board badge' when I'm not pregnant

128 replies

Southeastlondonmum · 02/03/2017 21:15

Regular poster, have name changed. Have been debating this issue for sometime.
I have a problem that makes it difficult to stand and walk. It's being investigated and I am may have to have a significant operation but the NHS is very slow. I'm in pain most of the time but the main thing that makes it worse is my commute. I have to travel at peak time and although I have changed my route to involve the least walking and I work from home twice a week, I'm standing on the tube up to 2 hours a day. It's killing me. I don't have a stick and look externally fine. I often ask for a seat but it gets exhausting to have to ask three times each journey to sit down (changes). Today I stood for two hours and I can barely walk now. My friend thinks I should wear my old 'baby on board' but despite the pain, I think it's immoral.
Thoughts?
(By the way, if anyone knows how to get the new TFL 'less able to stand' badge please let me know)

OP posts:

Heathen4Hire · 04/03/2017 17:05

I am a tube worker, and also my Dad has some limited mobility. He is on medication which makes him very tired and lethargic, so he needs a seat on public transport. However, he is too polite and awkward to ask to sit down. He doesn't live in London but often uses buses and trains in the Midlands, so it would help greatly.

The badges aren't out to everyone yet. There was a trial of 1000 people last year, and the response was generally good.

I travel to work in uniform and I do abuse my position to get people seats. Once I had a female who insisted she needed a seat but didn't want to say why (as is her right) and I had to turf someone out of their seat to get this person sat down. The latest trick from younger folks, is to pretend to be asleep, so to deny other people in more need of their seat. I do not put up with that either. If others will not be polite and stand up, I will not be polite when turfing them out.

picklemepopcorn · 04/03/2017 17:55

The thing is, baby on board when you don't look pregnant doesn't really scream 'I need a seat!'
A stick does, and also helps stabilise you and helps shift the weight away from you a little bit.

spooniestudent · 04/03/2017 18:54

Ime you still have to ask for a seat while using a stick unfortunately, but it does help to able to lean on one.

TaliDiNozzo · 04/03/2017 19:32

I think the stick is a good idea but honestly just asking for a seat is the best plan.

Original poster

Southeastlondonmum · 04/03/2017 20:47

Toast has the best idea. Love the skull badge!

OP posts:

womblewomble · 05/03/2017 00:05

I think it's a bit PA if people don't ask. In my experience most people will give you a seat if you ask!

JessieMcJessie · 05/03/2017 19:43

Actual lol at the poster who thinks a woman might wear a Baby on Board badge to say "Yippee I'm having a baby". Most women, as I did, get one but only start to wear it when they get to the stage of needing a seat. I also whipped mine off as soon as I finished my commute.

Casschops · 06/03/2017 07:46

Most people on the tub wouldn't look up so wouldn't notice a baby on board badge anyway. If I did see one of those badges I would probably think that the person wearing it was pretty attention grabbing like they wanted a pat on the back for being pregnant. That said being pregnant isn't an illness. If somebody turned up on the train with a stick or was obviously struggling or heavily pregnant I would offer my seat out of kindness for a fellow human being and in the hope that someone would do the same for me. I think a badge is for a five year old on their birthday not a grown person. There are other ways odd showing people you need a seat without needing to wear a badge.

Trills · 06/03/2017 12:49

If I did see one of those badges I would probably think that the person wearing it was pretty attention grabbing like they wanted a pat on the back for being pregnant.

Luckily for the rest of us, your reaction is not the norm.

Polarbearflavour · 06/03/2017 13:13

Pregnancy in the early stages can cause nausea, dizziness and fatigue too. The badge also stops people bumping into you and other travellers tend to give you more space.

Also if the tube stops suddenly and the pregnant lady falls over, her baby could be hurt.

The priority seats are for people who are elderly, with disabilities (visible or invisible conditions) and pregnant ladies. They are all equally entitled to a seat, one condition doesn't take priority over the others.

NameChange30 · 06/03/2017 13:20

Casschops
"being pregnant isn't an illness"
Perhaps you've never been pregnant. Perhaps you have and you were one of a lucky minority who never had any morning sickness, exhaustion, pelvic girdle pain or other symptoms that cause physical discomfort and pain... just as illness and disabilities do.
Perhaps you live under a rock and don't know anyone who has ever been pregnant either. Or perhaps you do and they didn't tell you what it was like - they certainly wouldn't have got any sympathy, would they?!

RhodaBorrocks · 06/03/2017 14:07

I'm amazed at all the people on here who say they or others are far more likely to offer seats to people with sticks. When I used to commute in London (6 years) with a stick I was rarely offered a seat, often ignore when I asked and on more than one occasion told to put my stick away as it was a hazard to others as they kicked/tripped over it when trying to push past me to get on/off.

I hated it so much I stopped working in London.

I actually fared better with getting a seat when I was pregnant.

I'm looking forward to getting badges for me and DS as we both need them.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 06/03/2017 14:09

casschops, have you ever been on the northern line at 8am when heavily PG?

UnbornMortificado · 06/03/2017 14:28

These threads always sound alien to me.

I'm from the north, there's usually an argument over who's standing not sitting.

I'd wear it till you get your other one.

Casschops · 06/03/2017 15:48

I am not saying I wouldn't give up my seat I saying I think the badge thing wouldn't register necessarily but a stick would. I constantly give up my seat if I see someone who needs it but the badge could mean anything. I still had by the fact that pregnancy is not an illness but I know that symptoms of pregnancy cause all sorts of problems, this is not what I am saying. So no need to be mean my intentions were not meant to cause offence. I just think a stick would be more appropriate for the circumstances. I just think a grown adult wearing a badge saying they are pregnant is a little odd. Nothing wrong with a blue badge for the car if needed and no I've never caught a tube at that time or would have cause to. I'm from the North and I all honesty I have never seen anyone need to ask for a smart if needed. The tubes get so busy that people don't always look up and a stick is far more easy to see if you stand near someone than a badge.

MrsDoylesladder · 06/03/2017 15:57

Buy a funky colour folding stick off Amazon. I don't usually need it but sometimes I do - particularly when commuting.

JessieMcJessie · 06/03/2017 17:34

Casschops the badges are absolutely commonplace and familiar to London tube users and nobody considers them remotely "attention seeking". Are you aware that the priority seats are labelled with pictures of elderly, disabled and pregnant people?

It works like this: you look to see if an able bodied person is in the seat. If so, you ask them if they mind moving for you. They see your badge and immediately understand why you have asked.

Alternatively, as often happened to me, you stand when there are no seats and no priority seat nearby and someone will see your badge and offer you a seat. They can do this without fear of offending someone who is in fact not pregnant but fat.

On these threads I am always amazed at the number of people who have worn the badge and had bad experiences of being ignored or refused a seat when they ask. This never happened to me once in over 5 months of travelling all over London while pregnant and wearing my badge.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 06/03/2017 18:31

I have a certain dress and I always get offered a seat when I wear it !

I don't wear it anymore as it clearly makes me look fat !!

Original poster

Southeastlondonmum · 06/03/2017 18:36

Boom - it's here! If you see a woman wearing this is in London give me the mumsnet wink

To wear my 'baby on board badge' when I'm not pregnant

OP posts:

BoomBoomsCousin · 06/03/2017 18:47

I will make sure to offer you a seat with my wink South! Hope it works well for you.

ZebraOwl · 06/03/2017 22:35

southeastlondonmum
V nice - one of issues with trial badges from TFL = colour: because I've no shame I actually asked people what they thought of them & lots of people didn't notice the thing. (I had to wear mine on my bag as my hands aren't cooperative enough for me to faff about swapping it between garments...) Sadly the pin on it gave up when someone tried walking through me & caught the badge at the wrong angle. They were not impaled, alas, but my shoulder dislocating freaked them out quite nicely...

HopelesslyDevotedToGu
Once asked a group filling the small central set of seats on the tube to let me sit down. Nothing doing. Was desperately trying to get to the next set of seats when the tube started moving & I - inevitably - lost my balance & fell. Woman I'd asked for seat who'd given me a particularly filthy look in response suddenly came rushing over and told me I should have ASKED if I needed to sit down. Full-on bellowed it, in fact. For benefit of rest of passengers, obviously. She then insisted on hauling me up when I - repeatedly - said not to, resulting in her subluxing my shoulder & elbow joints. My sister once told people off on the bus after I fell & knocked various joints into unusual positions because nobody would give up a seat...

Even with the badge from TFL I had to Just Ask. Was totally lying about the No Shame thing, but have had to accept that to use public transport - unless am in my wheelchair, which is just a different set of problems - I have to Be Brave & Ask For A Seat. Unless there's one available, I mean. That'd just be weird. There are times everyone plays chicken vs times everyone jumps up at once & everything in-between. And lots of times people in priority seats are "asleep" or so utterly fixated upon the screen before them (they've headphones in, of course) that they cannot possibly notice anything during a journey bar the fact they've arrived at their stop.

Good luck with the badge. And the commuting. If you've to use SE Fail there's a chance we may encounter one another at some point.

ZebraOwl · 06/03/2017 22:36

Oh dear. That got all mixed up. I had to sort out squabbling!felines partway-through writing. It shows. Sorry.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 06/03/2017 22:47

😉

Casschops · 06/03/2017 23:29

Jessie McJessie, thank you or explaining and being kind. I'm a northerner and I've never seen the badges. I thought that the OP meant she was going to wear one of the "baby on board" badges like on a car which is why I thought it odd. I thought TFL was the company that made them not Transport for London!

NameChange30 · 07/03/2017 10:09

Jesus wept

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