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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wear my 'baby on board badge' when I'm not pregnant

128 replies

Southeastlondonmum · 02/03/2017 21:15

Regular poster, have name changed. Have been debating this issue for sometime.
I have a problem that makes it difficult to stand and walk. It's being investigated and I am may have to have a significant operation but the NHS is very slow. I'm in pain most of the time but the main thing that makes it worse is my commute. I have to travel at peak time and although I have changed my route to involve the least walking and I work from home twice a week, I'm standing on the tube up to 2 hours a day. It's killing me. I don't have a stick and look externally fine. I often ask for a seat but it gets exhausting to have to ask three times each journey to sit down (changes). Today I stood for two hours and I can barely walk now. My friend thinks I should wear my old 'baby on board' but despite the pain, I think it's immoral.
Thoughts?
(By the way, if anyone knows how to get the new TFL 'less able to stand' badge please let me know)

OP posts:
HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 02/03/2017 21:32

super tacky it's for usefulness, not style
Yes they are helpful
"Do you mind if I have this seat?"
"yes, of course"
It's quick communication

My dh loves them as he always worries about accidentally upsetting an overweight lady by offering her a seat, or looking like a dick for ignoring a pregnant lady

Original poster
Southeastlondonmum · 02/03/2017 21:32

I have just looked on TFL website- 'they are rolling out these badges this spring 2017'. Have signed up to get accessibility updates which will let me know when they are live. I found the 'baby on board' badge helpful in the asking and getting when I was pregnant

OP posts:
LimeySnickett · 02/03/2017 21:34

People who notice sticks, notice badges and the other way round. Get whichever one you want. FWIW, I give up my seat / suggest to people sitting down that they might want to offer their seat to someone else...

cordeliavorkosigan · 02/03/2017 21:35

I'd always offer a seat if I could see that someone needed one, and if I'm in my own little world reading or listening to podcasts I'd be perfectly happy to be asked. But the more people who can see, the fewer you'll have to ask. I'd say get a stick and/or the badge and absolutely don't hesitate to ask. Anyone who minds is a dick (or has disabilities themselves, in which case of course they should just say - anyway that's unlikely - and the person next to them should stand for you!).

RustyPaperclip · 02/03/2017 21:35

How on earth is a baby on board badge tacky? I find the badges really useful as a daily commuter. There is no risk of accidentally offending someone. Occasionally I have offered a seat and it has been turned down as the woman in question finds it more comfortable to stand but I would rather be aware and offer my seat than ignore

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 02/03/2017 21:36

To me it's no different to a blue badge holder parking in a parent-and-child spot when all the disabled parking spots are taken. Go ahead.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 02/03/2017 21:37

I have a chronic illness and can't stand or walk for too long sometimes. I didn't see how a stick would help, but it really does. I also find people are more accommodating when I use it and will move out of my way etc. It's a good visual aid for alerting others that you need to sit down. Personally, I wouldn't notice a badge because I don't tend to look at people like that.

autumnmonths · 02/03/2017 21:37

But you can't keep wearing a 'baby on board' indefinitely, for months on end. Surely you often see the same people on your commute? Won't they get a bit annoyed after 18 months when you're still 'carrying the baby on board' ...?
I agree with others - either contact tfl or get a stick. If you need to sit, you need to sit and it will make it more noticeable to others.

WorraLiberty · 02/03/2017 21:41

People who notice sticks, notice badges and the other way round.

Not really.

I could spot a stick from about 20 seats away, but there's no chance I'd spot a badge.

I don't have bionic eyes Grin

HashiAsLarry · 02/03/2017 21:43

Someone on my old commute wore a baby on board badge for nearly 2 years. She never took a maternity break nor grew a bump or anything. Someone called her out on it in the end.

My DF has a stick and gets a lot more people offering that I ever did when I was pregnant and wore a badge.

Original poster
Southeastlondonmum · 02/03/2017 21:44

Generally I don't see the same people because London is very big but it is a concern...

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 02/03/2017 21:45

Yanbu - and get a stick too . Needs must

Original poster
Southeastlondonmum · 02/03/2017 21:46

I will ask Consultant about a stick and am now erring on wearing a baby badge until the TfL ones come in

OP posts:
RustyPaperclip · 02/03/2017 21:49

It reminds me of a very stereotypical 'British' encounter on a bus a few years ago. I offered my seat to a pregnant woman after spotting her baby on board badge. She accepted and said thank you. However I was on the inside seat and it meant disturbing the very smart middle aged businessman on the outside seat. He was so horrified that he hadn't noticed the woman with the baby on board badge and therefore missed the opportunity to offer his seat which would have 'saved' me from standing,that we ended up having a very polite little disagreement along the lines of 'no please, I insist that you must sit down', 'not at all, you must sit'. In the end I told him that I would be sitting down all day so it did me good to stand and he eventually gave up Grin

c0nfused · 02/03/2017 21:53

I'd totally do it! Not breaking any laws Smile

mycatwantstokillme1 · 02/03/2017 21:54

I get bouts of sciatica and sometimes need to go to my GP to get naproxen. He's advised me to only use my stick when necessary, something to do with it changing posture/how you walk. So I know it's tempting to walk with a stick (I know when I take mine I get offered seats) but not sure it's a good idea for you long term, you don't want to make your posture/gait worse by using it regularly.

I probably wouldn't have the balls to do this although i don' know why, maybe I should try it. When you next get on and someone's sitting in the priority seats and they look reasonablly fit and have perhaps just sat there cos it's the only seat available ask if you can have the seat? Only problem is, if someone elderly/with a stick/obvious impariment gets on you might feel obliged to get up for them!

My son has aspergers and problems with his motor skills due to a bleed on the brain just after birth. If we both have seats and someone needs one 9 times out of 10 I give up mine before I ask hi to give up his. I see people looking sometimes as if they are wondering if he's just a spolit brat whose mother treats him like her precious boy! I've given up explaining now, I just let people think what they like unless they actually ask, then I say.

sum1killthepawpatrollers · 02/03/2017 21:55

use a stick and if anyone fails to move use it as a crook round their neck and hoik em out the seat Grin

Astoria7974 · 02/03/2017 21:56

Get a stick. The seats are disabled priority - so you would be prioritized over pregnant women too.

C8H10N4O2 · 02/03/2017 22:00

OP: Buy a folding stick from one of the online sellers - you can get one for the price of a train ticket. Your consultant is not actually in a position to know if you individually need it - most likely s/he will tell you 'if it helps use it'. I've spent years under pain clinics and for chronic conditions this is normal - each of us experiences and manages pain in different ways and the specific aids will vary in effectiveness.

I have a disability which causes problems with walking and standing and commuting is a killer. The stick does help because it moves some of the load and strain away from the most susceptible points. I resisted it for a long time (vanity I guess, didn't see myself that way). It really helps and I couldn't use public transport without it.

One thing I would say - the stick is very helpful but don't for a moment expect people to offer you a seat even with a stick. I does make it slightly more likely I'll get a 'yes' when I get desperate enough to need to ask.

Mehfruittea · 02/03/2017 22:02

How about one of these? Wedge yourself near a pole you can hold on to.

To wear my 'baby on board badge' when I'm not pregnant
nocoolnamesleft · 02/03/2017 22:04

A stick works beautifully up north. Lots of lovely people help me out when I drop stuff, or am struggling. On the tube? You must be fucking kidding. Invisible.

Trifleorbust · 02/03/2017 22:06

Don't wear a badge or carry a stick you don't need. Just say to the person in the seat, "Excuse me, I really need to sit down." You don't need evidence!

Original poster
Southeastlondonmum · 02/03/2017 22:07

Ha! I like the seat idea but honestly the tube is so crowded I'm not sure there is room

OP posts:
KatherinaMinola · 02/03/2017 22:10

You really must ask for a seat - it's crazy to stand for two hours when you have a disability. Just go to the priority seat and ask if the person sitting there needs it - if they don't they'll give it up (unless they're a dick, in which case someone else will give you their seat).

Wear the badge if it helps you, but also just ask.

NotCitrus · 02/03/2017 22:15

I use a stick some of the time. People really do give you an extra 3-6 inches of space on a crowded train, which may not help much but they do generally notice. If you can get to where any seats are, then people are still away with the fairies but I've never had a bad reaction from asking people if they need the seat.

You still need to ask, though. Often I don't 'use' the stick, just have it there as a talisman and to help getting up. (also good for herding one's small children...)