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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wear my 'baby on board badge' when I'm not pregnant

128 replies

Southeastlondonmum · 02/03/2017 21:15

Regular poster, have name changed. Have been debating this issue for sometime.
I have a problem that makes it difficult to stand and walk. It's being investigated and I am may have to have a significant operation but the NHS is very slow. I'm in pain most of the time but the main thing that makes it worse is my commute. I have to travel at peak time and although I have changed my route to involve the least walking and I work from home twice a week, I'm standing on the tube up to 2 hours a day. It's killing me. I don't have a stick and look externally fine. I often ask for a seat but it gets exhausting to have to ask three times each journey to sit down (changes). Today I stood for two hours and I can barely walk now. My friend thinks I should wear my old 'baby on board' but despite the pain, I think it's immoral.
Thoughts?
(By the way, if anyone knows how to get the new TFL 'less able to stand' badge please let me know)

OP posts:

beansbananas · 02/03/2017 22:15

I wear a baby on board badge as I don't like to be pushed around on the tube now I'm 30 weeks pregnant, and earlier I felt so sick but obviously wasn't showing. I think people worry you might just be fat, so are unsure whether to say anything! I actually think it's responsible to wear one, and I wouldn't feel upset if someone who wasn't actually pregnant wore the badge if they needed a seat. The only problem I have is that people seem to completely ignore the badge! 90% of the time I have to stand the whole way, and people either don't look up or pretend they haven't seen you in my experience.

Original poster

Southeastlondonmum · 02/03/2017 22:16

I know it's crazy to stand. But it's just six asks a day because of my journey and today both people in the disabled seat that I could get to were asleep!

OP posts:

Original poster

Southeastlondonmum · 02/03/2017 22:17

I have been looking at sticks online. Will get the brightest one!

OP posts:

BoomBoomsCousin · 02/03/2017 22:24

I don't think it's immoral, but going from my own experience it won't make any difference. I only had people offer me a seat in the later stages of my pregnancy when my bump was pretty unmistakable. In the first trimester when I really needed a seat, the badge made no odds. I still needed to ask, people were just as polite about letting me sit whether I was wearing it not. Those people in the accessible seats will still be asleep when you're wearing the badge or not!

But I don't lack confidence in asking, which I appreciate some people might. If you feel the baby on board badge is helpful in a practical sense but don't like the "lying" aspect of it, why not just make yourself a "less able to stand" badge? It doesn't have to be made by TFL to be honest or useful.

goinglocomoto · 02/03/2017 22:26

Baby on board badges aren't tacky (reference to past replier). Put it on tomorrow - you're in pain and you need to do whatever you can to make fellow passengers aware (and not feel awkward themselves) about giving up their seat for you. It doesn't matter that you're bending the truth - you're in pain. But at the same time quite unlikely that they'd actually see it and take the initiative.

A more long term solution may be to go to the section with the fold up seats that people have to give up to priority users. I'd say with smile, 'I'm soooo sorry to bother you but I have an issue with my leg, please would you mind if I sit there?'. Even it's not your leg, that kind of description keeps it simple.

You should no way on earth have to stand up for two hours and am sure most people would be delighted to help you if you mention it because it will give them some personal brownie points. Please keep us posted.

goinglocomoto · 02/03/2017 22:27

Baby on board badges aren't tacky (reference to past replier). Put it on tomorrow - you're in pain and you need to do whatever you can to make fellow passengers aware (and not feel awkward themselves) about giving up their seat for you. It doesn't matter that you're bending the truth - you're in pain. But at the same time it's quite unlikely that they'd actually see it and take the initiative.

A more long term solution may be to go to the section with the fold up seats that people have to give up to priority users. I'd say with smile, 'I'm soooo sorry to bother you but I have an issue with my leg, please would you mind if I sit there?'. Even if it's not your leg, that kind of description keeps it simple.

Original poster

Southeastlondonmum · 02/03/2017 22:29

boom yes, that is IT! I will make my own badge. So simple

OP posts:

dementedma · 02/03/2017 22:31

Why "Baby on Board" ???
Why not "I'm pregnant".

ilovesooty · 02/03/2017 22:31

I think it's questionable to do it partly because only women can choose this way of making their journey easier or less painful.

goinglocomoto · 02/03/2017 22:32

Oh awkward, posted twice - will blame it on intermittent wifi on underground!

manicinsomniac · 02/03/2017 22:33

I don't think it's immoral - but yes, super embarrassing if you meet someone you know.

Personally, I don't think 'baby on board' badges are particularly tacky but I can't stand the sound of 'please give me a seat' ones. It sounds really patronising and twee - I think because the badge is 'speaking' for the person whereas the 'baby on board' one is just giving information.

I do get that people may not be comfortable asking though and certainly don't want to display their medical information on their chest.

I think I'd favour something like a big exclamation mark on a bright yellow background or something. Available to everyone who needs a seat - pregnant, disabled, elderly etc. Then nobody needs to know why but everyone will see it and it's not speaking for you.

ArcheryAnnie · 02/03/2017 22:35

dementedma in what universe is a Baby On Board badge "super tacky"?

Original poster

Southeastlondonmum · 02/03/2017 22:36

Right, at ordering a badge. Is 'I struggle to stand, please offer a seat'. Ok?

OP posts:

Original poster

Southeastlondonmum · 02/03/2017 22:37

Am ordering a badge. Super excited and typing quickly

OP posts:

goinglocomoto · 02/03/2017 22:41

Yes iLoveSooty it is disingenuous - I'm struggling with that issue too. If women lie about this, then in no time we'd rule the world!. And then thought, oh hang on, what about the last few thousand years. I don't think it's right, but if any person, male or female is in pain, they need to use whatever reasonable means they can (that don't harm other people) to get relief. And in this case baby on board is a potential instant pain relief.

BathshebaDarkstone · 02/03/2017 22:47

Can't you get them at tube stations like the baby on board ones?

I didn't know about them, i must tell DM and DS1 about them. Although DM has a crutch so you'd think it would be fucking obvious.

KatherinaMinola · 02/03/2017 22:47

Oh, it doesn't need to be the priority seat - just issue a general request for a seat. I do get that it must be wearing to ask six times a day though.

As for tacky, I think there was a sad story behind the development of the Baby on Board badges - the woman posted on MN about it IIRC. I found the badge very useful when pg and I always make sure badge-wearers get a seat.

Original poster

Southeastlondonmum · 02/03/2017 23:00

TfL are rolling the official 'offer me a seat' badges soon. But I need a temporary solution which is so clearly me making my own rather than wearing my old 'baby on board' one

OP posts:

rightsaidfrederickII · 02/03/2017 23:05

The Please Offer Me A Seat badges are about to be rolled out - you can sign up for their accessibility newsletter in the meantime tfl.gov.uk/campaign/please-offer-me-a-seat?intcmp=41947

In the meantime, I'd get one of the baby on board badges. Not immoral, it still gets everyone to the same end point.

A stick won't necessarily help - I remember having an arm in a sling (made it harder to hold on, and more serious if I did fall) and I was literally never offered a seat.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 02/03/2017 23:16

I found a difference when I started using crutches for SPD compared to the weeks immediately before, even though I clearly had a significant bump and pained waddle. People definitely registered that I was having difficulties more than I had.

I'm glad you've got a plan OP. The pitfall of a "baby on board" badge is the risk of awkward conversation.

NameChange30 · 02/03/2017 23:21

I wouldn't object to you wearing a "baby on board" badge while you wait for the new TFL ones to be rolled out, but I understand that you'd feel uncomfortable wearing it when not actually pregnant. I think making/ordering your own badge is a good solution And get a stick too, at least with both "props" you will maximise your chances of people noticing or at least offering a seat more quickly if you have to ask.

S1lentAllTheseYears · 02/03/2017 23:25

Could you make your own badge?

I just had a quick google and there are sites you can order them from.

I used to have appointments with a hcp who wore a "hard of hearing, please speak clearly" badge which looked homemade but did the job!

Nevth · 02/03/2017 23:25

Where in SE London are you (if your username is accurate!)? Not many tubes around so assuming you use the train/DLR or the Jubilee? I used to live in Greenwich and get the DLR to Bank. I have terrible anxiety about standing close to others and having strangers touching me (working on it and better now).

I used to get on in the opposite direction, go two stops to Lewisham and the train would immediately turn around and go to Bank. 10 extra mins for me, but the peace of mind was worth it. Also, my problem was my own and no need to inconvenience others. I used to get asked for a seat a lot (young woman on her own), ironically often when the train came back to Greenwich. People sometimes got very aggressive when I said no. I didn't feel like telling the entire train about my MH issues!

Now I get that the OP is changing twice - but can you at least make one segment easier for yourself so you don't have to worry? I'm a ninja at finding the emptiest commuting routes in the SE, perhaps you can give an indication of where you are?

S1lentAllTheseYears · 02/03/2017 23:26

Whoops sorry for the big cross post, I had the tab open too long!

PrinceHansOfTheTescoAisles · 02/03/2017 23:27

It's not immoral but it would be weird. ..sods law you'd end up next to someone who's want to know when it's due. Why not tweet tfl and see if you can be part of the new badge trial? Is there any way you can adjust work hours to not travel in peak time?

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