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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DD's punishment from PE teacher was draconian?

867 replies

moonlightshadow1 · 01/03/2017 17:15

DD is in Year 10 and came home quite annoyed about a punishment she got in PE for something very minor in the first place. Her teacher made her get changed into her PE kit at lunchtime (without any tracksuit in the cold wet weather), and run laps around the football pitch for all but the last 15 minutes of the break (so she could eat), much of it whilst the boys were having football practice, who apparently found it quite funny. Is it overreacting to think this is a bit out of order? I might not have been surprised when I was at school but I can't help be a bit annoyed, seems a bit like it was intended to embarrass her and unnecessary.

OP posts:
Astro55 · 02/03/2017 08:31

If my DDwas insistent I didn't ring the school - I would actually ring them in confidence - most teachers are perfectly capable of giving parents the full version

Deadsouls · 02/03/2017 08:31

Sometimes I think AIBU is not a helpful place to post because what you're going to get is a lot of opinion that is often very black and white. And oftentimes, it'll be very strident opinion/judgement. That's the nature of AIBU, not much appreciation of nuance. It's also entirely subjective according to the view of the poster. The things is, though, is that none of us really know the particulars of the situation: the school, the PE teacher, your daughter, your family, your home etc. So all the broad sweeping statements that are made about punishment across the board or one parenting method being better than another isn't really relevant.
But you do know. And if it doesn't feel right to you, you can go by your instinct.

SookiesSocks · 02/03/2017 08:34

and impose an appropriate punishment.

Her punishment was physical excersise and given it was a pysical education lesson how was it an inappropriate punishment?

So what boys were watching. I would imagine lots of boys watch when the DD plays hockey doesnt seem to be an issue then.
The DDs embaressment is not from the boys watching her run it was from themvknowing she was in trouble. Well thats tough she should behave in class then she wint be embaressed when she carries out her punishment.

Original poster
moonlightshadow1 · 02/03/2017 08:35

SookiesSocks the first punishment was making her sit still by the side during the lesson, there was no real need for a second punishment for fidgeting a bit, I don't think uncrossing her legs really took much attention away from the class nor was it necessary to stop everything to make her sit cross legged. The original misbehaviour deserved punishment, not sitting totally still didn't really.

OP posts:
Pseudonym99 · 02/03/2017 08:40

Her punishment was physical excersise and given it was a pysical education lesson how was it an inappropriate punishment?

Exactly. If the boys behaved inappropriately, then deal with them via an appropriate punishment.

Original poster
moonlightshadow1 · 02/03/2017 08:50

Thanks fairweathercyclist and very well put.

OP posts:
Freddorika · 02/03/2017 08:51

Dd got a detention for not giving maths prep in. I made her do an hour of maths at home instead of watching pretty little liars for the 400th time. Doing her a favour really.

Sparkletastic · 02/03/2017 08:52

Who is the 'you' in your response Bitofacow?

Sparkletastic · 02/03/2017 08:53

Annnnyway.
I'm with you OP. The double punishment was overkill but maybe the teacher was having a bad day. Or maybe they are a bit of a git.

user789653241 · 02/03/2017 08:54

But wasn't running making up the missed PE lesson, rather than a punishment?
Like if you missed maths lesson, you have to do what ever others have done in class afterwards, to make up for it?

Original poster
moonlightshadow1 · 02/03/2017 08:58

Thanks Sparkle I agree on the double punishment!

irvine maybe, sounds like it was framed as both, as the teacher told her it was also since she couldn't sit still as told etc.

OP posts:
Sundance01 · 02/03/2017 09:02

I would not be impressed by this punishment at all ....but also do not think it is a big enough issue to make a big thing out of.

You child has learnt an important lesson - some people in society have more power than others and if you piss them off they can make life very difficult for you - and it will rarely be fair.

Employers, police, even security at events all act abominably at times - your daughter is now better prepared for real life than she was before this happened - allow her and yourself to not be happy about this and she has every right to hate this teacher from now on - but help her to put it in perspective and move forward, it is one incident that virtually everyone else will have forgotten about already

Use it as an opportunity to talk about when it is OK to break the rules and when it is not - and when it is simply not worth the hassle.

Sparkletastic · 02/03/2017 09:02

And no to the supposed logic of the second punishment. Not in my experience anyway when I used to work in schools. You might get sent out of science and miss an experiment, or PSHE and miss a philosophical debate on the meaning of faith. You don't get to recreate the missed experience in detention. But then I've been around schools where a teen uncrossing their legs wouldn't be a cause for further punishment. Thank fuck.

SookiesSocks · 02/03/2017 09:13

But it wasnt double punishment.

First punishment was to miss the lesson due to her behaviour.
Second punishment was for not doing the first correctly and taking the teachers attention away from the class....again.

She was asked to do laps. Excerdise she should have done in the lesson but didnt because of her poor behaviour.

Simple answer is dont want to be punished dont misbehave. I fail to see why so many cannot grasp what is a very simple conclusion.

PuffinDodger · 02/03/2017 09:17

As a former PE teacher, I would imagine that the reason she had to run around the field that the boys were playing football on would have been so that the teacher could supervise both her and the boys at the same time.
That's what I thought too.

Dulcimena · 02/03/2017 09:19

From the list posted earlier, the DD's punishment was totally within the guidelines
• A verbal reprimand.
• Extra work (PE) or repeating unsatisfactory work until it meets the required standard.
• Missing break time.
• Detention including during lunch-time, after school and at weekends.

Of course a PE lesson entails physical exertion, or it should do.

She's in a mixed school and presumably does PE in front of boys all the time, that's a red herring.

She was told to sit in silence, but she didn't. She answered back and protested.

She made you promise not to contact the school. Why on earth not, if it was so unacceptable? Maybe because you'd find out a bit more about how she was actually behaving and what warranted the punishment? You've taken her version of events unquestioningly. Yes, call the school.

SookiesSocks · 02/03/2017 09:23

Would your DD have complained if the PE lesson that day was distance running/laps?

Or is she just complaining that she was made to do it on her own in her break?

If its the latter then surely your answer should have been "its your own fault for poor behaviour".

Why do some insist on raising DC as little snowflakes?
Hows that going to help them later in life?

"Mum its not fair. I have been sacked"
"Oh no why"
"Well i didnt do my work and spent the day chatting but it was so embaressing having to leave work with everyone watching" Hmm

Youcantstandme · 02/03/2017 09:29

From the start: the girl was messing around. She gets told off
The girl carries on being immature as the OP said herself
The girl is told to sit still in silence by the side with her legs crossed
After a while she decides again instructions don't apply to her and fidgets, uncrosses her legs, distracts the teacher again
Teacher has to stop the lesson inconveniencing everyone again to tell the girl to sit cross legged which she'd already been told to do
Girl then has to do laps after missing PE for messing around anyway then not doing as she was told even after that
Girl then whines everything is soooo unfair

The teacher was totally right to treat her like "a little kid" as you said she described it for acting like one and make sure she followed instructions then punished her for both things

Gildedcage · 02/03/2017 09:32

Sundance exactly! I'm amazed however at the use of sitting crossed legged as a punishment for a 14yr old. It's a VERY long time since I was at school BUT if people were disrupting the lesson they were removed. They would either have to sit in the corridor our outside the school office until the next period. Anyway. It's a new day today and she will have at least learned not to look at this teacher again the wrong way.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 02/03/2017 09:35

Actually I can understand where he is coming from. She wasted his time by messing about in his lesson, and was taken out of the rest of the class to make sure it wasn't interrupted again. But that meant she'd have done no PE, so he wasted her free time by making her do it during her lunch break.

Makes sense to me.

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 02/03/2017 09:42

With respect to the OP and her daughter, I still can't help but doubt we are getting the full details here. A fourteen year old girl being 'forced' to sit cross - legged and then made to run around for 45 minutes 'in front of boys' who were doing football practice in their lunch hour/not doing football practice as they were too busy making lewd comments.... Something doesn't quite add up.

Gildedcage · 02/03/2017 09:50

All I'm going to say is that she wasn't removed she sat crossed legged for the duration when she moved that was considered another disruption so she had to run laps. Even the running of laps isn't in issue BUT the dd asked to wear her tracksuit which was refused, why? She then had to run around the pitch whilst the older boys completed football training. If the notion is that the laps were ran here for supervision reasons then the teacher was doing this as an exercise in humiliation as s/he must have know that this would have attracted comments. It's the issue of purposefully humiliating the dd that I totally don't get. It makes to PE teacher look a bit rubbish to be honest but that's just my opinion. Just as an aside even people who break the law don't get physical punishment...her lost learning time by being removed from the lesson would have been adequate. After all its only her time she's wasting if she'd been removed.

deadringer · 02/03/2017 09:50

Yabu

Eolian · 02/03/2017 09:52

the first punishment was making her sit still by the side during the lesson, there was no real need for a second punishment

Are you for real? You seriously think that sitting to one side during a lesson is an actual punishment? A punishment needs to be sufficiently unpleasant to dissuade the child from repeating their behaviour. Otherwise what is the point of the punishment? Previous reprimands clearly haven't had the desired effect, otherwise your daughter wouldn't be continuing to be 'lippy'. It's no bloody wonder teachers have trouble dealing with kids if this is the way their parents regard behaviour and consequences.

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 02/03/2017 10:02

Surely all punishment, whether you agree with it or not, involves some sort of humiliation /deprivation - from naughty steps to prisons. Otherwise, why not let people just do as they please? I still think there's a bit of exaggeration on the part of the DD. I don't get why she is 'lippy' enough to 'backchat' her teachers but is mortified at the thought of her mother complaining about the alleged comments of a few teenage boys.