I live very close to my sister and my ten year old niece; I look after her before and after school while my sister works and occasionally during the evenings or weekends if my sister goes out so DN and I are very close. My sister has been a single parent since DN was one and her ex sees DN on alternate weekends and for half of the holidays.
When she is with her dad, he (or someone he knows) collects her from school. She says he's often on his phone and continues this via Bluetooth during the 45 minute journey home. He then gets home and falls asleep as he's tired from his week at work. She then has unlimited access to his phone, ipad, tv and food cupboards. She's watched things which have given her nightmares for weeks before and even if he isn't asleep, he let's/encourages her to watch them. Her dad is morbidly obese and goes through cycles of gorging then surviving on smoothies. DN is naturally very greedy and doesn't know when to stop when it comes to food. He will buy her a large adult meal with milkshake plus an extra burger and ice cream at mcdonalds. When they went to Pizza Hut last week she said she had nine slices plus chips and ice cream. She giggles about eating ten biscuits or half a tube of pringles without him even noticing. She would never think to take food without permission at home or mine so I can only think he does know but doesn't stop her.
She is a soap dodger and hates brushing her teeth. My sister brushes them for her because otherwise she'll just pretend to do it and ended up with fillings last year. My sister chats with her while she showers to make sure she's washing, otherwise she just let's the water run for a bit then gets out. My DN doesn't care about being supervised and my DSIS figures when she does care she'll also care about washing properly. When she's at her dad's, he doesn't check on her tooth brushing or showering despite my sister having mentioned several times to him that DN is coming home smelly and sore. I picked her up from school on Monday and I could smell her breath and sweat immediately. She's on the cusp of puberty and does need to shower daily now. My sister has spoken to her about hygiene but DN doesn't care if she smells but then gets upset when she starts becoming sore down below.
DN says she goes to bed at the same time as her dad (I. E. late) waits for him to start snoring and then goes to get the ipad and snacks for herself. She is always extremely ratty on a Monday from lack of sleep. After she's finished on the ipad she gets into bed with him and he doesn't send her back to her room, despite DSIS having told him that it results in DN being extremely upset at home when DSIS won't let her share her bed.
My DSIS is exasperated with it all but thinks it's all just minor stuff that a court wouldn't be interested in so there's nothing she can do. I think DN is being neglected while with her dad and that my DSIS shouldn't keep letting it continue. DN is too immature to take responsibility for herself so I think DSIS should make sure things change. What do you think?
MNHQ have commented on this thread
AIBU?
to think my niece is being neglected?
Carlalala101 · 28/02/2017 22:39
Also as stated earlier DSIS has been to court with her ex before and raised the sudden start of bed sharing and was portrayed as twisted for suggesting it's inappropriate. They said the fact she gets upset if she can't shows how much she loves and misses her father and it demonstrates a strong and healthy bond 
Something is very very not right about this thread. She should not be visibly red and sore and if she is, then visibly red and sore simply doesn't clear up after a shower or occassionally some cream. That's not how the human body works.
I totally agree and that comment made me go as well.
Nappy rash is totally different. It is caused by the area being constantly damp and the high acidity of urine and poo. Just missing a few days of showering alone would not do this to a child every other week and then miraculously clear up after a wash and a dollop of Sudocreme, only to happen again the next weekend at her dads. That JUST WOULD NOT HAPPEN.
I assume he isn' doing her washing for her in a powder she's sensitive to? It may be as simple as he buys scented wet wipes for use on the loo and they don't agree with her but lack of showering alone will not do this.
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Considering how much detail you claim to know about this and how invested you are in it, I am surprised you haven't seriously considered for other explanations (both of the mundane and very concerning variety) to explain her regular redness and soreness.
You seem to want to demonise her father and have gone to great pains to explain the sleeping arrangements there, mentioned her post-visit soreness MANY times and yet you say you have no concerns about sexual abuse. 
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