I live very close to my sister and my ten year old niece; I look after her before and after school while my sister works and occasionally during the evenings or weekends if my sister goes out so DN and I are very close. My sister has been a single parent since DN was one and her ex sees DN on alternate weekends and for half of the holidays.
When she is with her dad, he (or someone he knows) collects her from school. She says he's often on his phone and continues this via Bluetooth during the 45 minute journey home. He then gets home and falls asleep as he's tired from his week at work. She then has unlimited access to his phone, ipad, tv and food cupboards. She's watched things which have given her nightmares for weeks before and even if he isn't asleep, he let's/encourages her to watch them. Her dad is morbidly obese and goes through cycles of gorging then surviving on smoothies. DN is naturally very greedy and doesn't know when to stop when it comes to food. He will buy her a large adult meal with milkshake plus an extra burger and ice cream at mcdonalds. When they went to Pizza Hut last week she said she had nine slices plus chips and ice cream. She giggles about eating ten biscuits or half a tube of pringles without him even noticing. She would never think to take food without permission at home or mine so I can only think he does know but doesn't stop her.
She is a soap dodger and hates brushing her teeth. My sister brushes them for her because otherwise she'll just pretend to do it and ended up with fillings last year. My sister chats with her while she showers to make sure she's washing, otherwise she just let's the water run for a bit then gets out. My DN doesn't care about being supervised and my DSIS figures when she does care she'll also care about washing properly. When she's at her dad's, he doesn't check on her tooth brushing or showering despite my sister having mentioned several times to him that DN is coming home smelly and sore. I picked her up from school on Monday and I could smell her breath and sweat immediately. She's on the cusp of puberty and does need to shower daily now. My sister has spoken to her about hygiene but DN doesn't care if she smells but then gets upset when she starts becoming sore down below.
DN says she goes to bed at the same time as her dad (I. E. late) waits for him to start snoring and then goes to get the ipad and snacks for herself. She is always extremely ratty on a Monday from lack of sleep. After she's finished on the ipad she gets into bed with him and he doesn't send her back to her room, despite DSIS having told him that it results in DN being extremely upset at home when DSIS won't let her share her bed.
My DSIS is exasperated with it all but thinks it's all just minor stuff that a court wouldn't be interested in so there's nothing she can do. I think DN is being neglected while with her dad and that my DSIS shouldn't keep letting it continue. DN is too immature to take responsibility for herself so I think DSIS should make sure things change. What do you think?
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AIBU?
to think my niece is being neglected?
Carlalala101 · 28/02/2017 22:39
my sister is terrified that if it goes back to court then they will side with him again and then DN will actually end up spending even more time there.
^^
That's why you need to take her to GP (and have a word with GP beforehand outlining your concers without DN present!). It would be good if GP knows what exactly she's looking at/for. You need to build up a case!
The alternative is grim- to do nothing, which is not acceptable and will potentially ruin DN's future
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