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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask: if you don't wear make up regularly, what do you genuinely think when you see someone who does?

515 replies

Mingewithafringe · 27/02/2017 13:26

Really interested to hear people's views on this as it's something the socially anxious person in me has always wondered.

I wear a lot of make up by most people's standards. It stems from my teens where I developed bad skin and was just desperate to cover it. It's a lot better now but I have scars and patches that I feel insecure about.
So as well as a concealer and powder foundation, I also fill in my eyebrows daily, wear liquid eyeliner on my top lid, kohl pencil on my waterline, mascara, bronzer and either matte lipstick or a tinted lip balm. Without the eye make up I look tired or ill (people have actually said that!)

This is most days unless I know for sure I won't be going out that day. I have applied it for so many years that it only takes me about 5/10 minutes to put it on in the morning, and the amount of money I spend on make up has just become one of those accepted expenses, although I don't actually spend a lot because aside from my foundation, the rest is usually affordable stuff like Maybelline, Bourjois etc

I go through phases where I just hate the fact that I feel like I have to wear it and so I try to wean myself off it e.g. By not wearing eyeliner or by going for a subtle/minamalistic look. But I just don't feel confident and end up reverting back!

I have always wondered what ladies who don't wear make up are thinking when they talk to me. If I walk in to a room, 99% of the time I am wearing the most make up out of any woman. So ironically, I wear make up so that people don't think "look at her scars", but now have developed this insecurity where I feel that when I talk to someone, all they are thinking is "jeez how much make up is she wearing, it's a toddler and baby group for crying out loud"!!

Am I being silly?

OP posts:
buckingfrolicks · 01/03/2017 09:26

if heavily made up during the day then i would judge someone as being overly invested in adhering to the social expectations on women to look a certain way and for me, that speaks to a number of other qualities that I don't really get much from, so for me I would assume I wouldn't have much in common with a woman heavily made up. Of course I may be very wrong and judgy etc but hey ho ,the OP did ask

Sunbeam18 · 01/03/2017 09:49

Jeez, some of these posts are going back to the dark ages when you couldn't be a feminist AND wear make up

Kikikaakaa · 01/03/2017 11:51

I know. I was thinking of when women wore lipstick they were clearly a hussy or a hooker!

zeezeek · 01/03/2017 13:05

if heavily made up during the day then i would judge someone as being overly invested in adhering to the social expectations on women to look a certain way and for me, that speaks to a number of other qualities that I don't really get much from, so for me I would assume I wouldn't have much in common with a woman heavily made up. Of course I may be very wrong and judgy etc but hey ho ,the OP did ask

So, you disagree with women adhering to societal expectations.....because you prefer for them to adhere to your own?
Makes no sense.

There are a lot of extremely narrow-minded and judgemental attitudes on this thread which only serve to show that some non-make up wearers cannot possibly describe themselves as feminists, because real feminists would not judge women on their looks, or their personal choices re their own body.

LizzyELane · 01/03/2017 13:15

I am a bit like you and have worn make up since age 13 and do feel slightly uncomfortable doing even the school run without eyeliner and lippy. But I do wonder WHAT is going on with young girls and fake eyebrows. I was served in a pet shop recently by a young, fresh-faced girl without a scrap of makeup apart from these huge centimetre wide things sat on her forehead. Why do they all seem to think two big, brown slug shaped things drawn onto their faces is attractive???

TeethDrama · 01/03/2017 13:34

Bucking - never heard of not judging a book by its cover? You might be pleasantly surprised. Hiw would you feel if somebody write you off because you didn't wear makeup? Their loss you might think - but what a shame if someone can't see beyond what makeup someone has or hasn't got on their face.

mycatisginger · 01/03/2017 19:44

I enjoy wearing make up, for me. There is nothing wrong with not wearing It, nothing wrong with wearing it. Each to their own.

It makes me feel good.

I think it shows I take pride in my appearance.

Not all of us are blessed with not looking haggard and tired without it.

I look fine without it, but I look tired, if I look tired I feel tired.

In my job role I need to look presentable. For me that include my face as well as my clothes.

And it doesn't take that long to do, I expect most of us get it done in 10 minutes max.

RufusTheSpartacusReindeer · 01/03/2017 20:05

I love my makeup

I know that i am socialized to like it

I know that anyone who judges me and decides that my values, intelligence, feminism, political views and personality can be seen in my makeup...is a complete twat, obviously very hard of thinking and probably not worth knowing

Grin
TinselTwins · 01/03/2017 20:08

I don't think it tells me anything about a persons personality or intelligence or politics

However for women over 35/40, I think that daytime make-up looks very ageing. It emphasises the change in skin fullness and tone in a negative "trying to cover it up" way IMO.

Personally, I used to wear it a lot when I was younger and it would sit well on my skin, nowadays I only wear it in situations where I feel it is expected to be "done up" but I actually prefer my reflection without it, with it I catch a glimpse and I think "who is that tarted up old woman?"

impossible · 01/03/2017 20:44

If I see someone wearing full make up during the day I tend to think they are insecure (because that was me as a teen). I dont have any thoughts beyond that.

If you hate the fact you feel you have to wear it wean yourself off very slowly and note peoples' responses. I bet they will not treat you any differently (I suspect it is only you who prefers yourself covered up). Alternatively wean yourself onto something more natural.

There is an excellent programme on BBC 1 called Beauty Queen and Single. Women who never let themselves be seen without heavy make up go on a date with almost none. The difference between the heavy make up and none is amazing and what is particulary surprising is that their dates tend not to see the difference! I really recommend you watch it because it shows how very different the same face can look. It will give you pause for thought. There is at least one episode left on iplayer.

AGrinWithoutACat · 01/03/2017 21:20

Depending on how it was applied anything from - 'let your skin breathe' to 'that looks fantastic' - with a poss side order of 'how do you find the time?'

I do wonder what never leave the house without a full face people think of me who doesn't bother concealing the odd spot I still get and whose eyeliner is older than her marriage

IonaNE · 01/03/2017 21:47

I never wear makeup and I wonder why other women bother. It's just paint. I don't care what other people's skin looks like, I never notice it, it does not even appear on my radar.

fakenamefornow · 01/03/2017 21:57

I think very heavy makeup looks silly tbh. I don't think I've ever seen anybody who doesn't look better without it.

NameChanger22 · 01/03/2017 22:02

I disagree with Auyrnne completely.

For me makeup isn't about conforming or trying to look acceptable. I've never tried to be accepted and I've certainly never tried to conform, I'm an outsider and I like that about myself, I pride myself on being unconventional. I'm not trying to attract a man or make anyone like me. I like what I see in the mirror with or without makeup, even more now I'm getting old. I don't really see my imperfections.

Makeup is creativity, relaxation and fun. If I was forced to wear it, I would almost certainly rebel, same with a head scarf.

PurpleDaisies · 01/03/2017 22:05

I don't like the way heavy make up (particularly mask like foundation) looks. I wouldn't make any other judgement beyond an instinctive "I don't like their make up". It wouldn't affect what I thought of the person any more than if I didn't particularly like a dress they were wearing.

TinselTwins · 01/03/2017 22:06

I don't think it's always insecurity, sometimes it's just habit

I stuck with it for a while, out of habit/routine. Until I finally admitted that it didn't enhance my face any more like it did when I was young, it just made it look more tired and old.

I think contouring looks silly unless you only look at the person through a camera filter. lash extensions look awful first thing in the morning - bit of a "walk of shame" look.

I do wonder about that person (there's always one) who applies red lippie in the morning then lets it fade throughout the day. Kinda… do it (and check and re-do it) or don't, but why put it on to let it look progressively wiped off apart from in the creases throughout the day?

fake nails too.. not a fan. Look okay on young girls, on older women not so much

it's like those daytime TV makeovers isn't it! how many of those women look better before?

NameChanger22 · 01/03/2017 22:19

There are fake tacky nails; but then there are nicely manicured and beautifully painted nails, or nails done in a unique and creative way. I think beauty and creativity looks good on all ages.

Sunbeam18 · 01/03/2017 22:35

I can't think of anyone I know who looks better without make up on.

PurpleDaisies · 01/03/2017 22:40

I definitely can sunbeam. Doesn't it depend on how the make up is done though? It isn't just all make up is bad, no make up is good or vice versa.

hollinhurst84 · 01/03/2017 22:45

It definitely depends what it's for as well. When makeup artists do it for a shoot, I look ridiculous in real life but it looks amazing on photos because it has to be so heavy
So if I do my own makeup for photos I have to really pack it on otherwise it just looks non existent!

KirstyLaura · 02/03/2017 20:24

I wear very little makeup, often none, and i'll admit I definitely do notice when someone is wearing loads of makeup not on a night out. I guess my snap judgement is that they're vain and/or insecure (which one or the other must be the truth right?) then I feel a bit pitying for them that they feel that way about themselves. Then the next second I feel skin naked and a bit insecure lol. Women hey? Do what makes you happy.

Sallystyle · 02/03/2017 20:33

I guess my snap judgement is that they're vain and/or insecure (which one or the other must be the truth right?)

I care about my appearance. I look better with makeup on. I am not sure that makes me vain or insecure. Vanity is having an excessively high pride in ones appearance. I certainly don't have that. What are we meant to be insecure about? I am not insecure about the way I look when I'm not wearing makeup. I just prefer the way I look while wearing it. My friend came round earlier when I wasn't wearing any. I didn't care.

Imagine if I said non makeup wearers didn't give a shit about the way they looked and had no pride in their appearance? It would be a ludicrous thing to suggest wouldn't it?

deeedeee · 02/03/2017 20:50

i wear make up everyday, and it's never occurred to me to think that folk would judge me for it!

I wear make to look like I'm not wearing make up, if you know what i mean.

I wear a light matte bb cream, toucheclat under my eyes and on high points of face, mascara and benetint on my lips and cheeks. It generally just makes me look healthy and clear skinned. Sometimes I'll put black eyeliner on or red lipstick, if I feel like it. But generally i save that for a special occasion or when I'm going out.

I only ever notice that someone is wearing make up if it's obviously faked. Like very thick angular eyebrows, false eyelashes, red lips etc. And I usually just think, "ooooooh stylish"

EnormousTiger · 02/03/2017 22:30

I don't like painted nails either but I would never say anything to another person about how they look. It would just be rude. People can look how they want. It would be a boring world if we were all the same although I do hope we can continue to move to a position where women and men spend about the same amount of time and money on clothes and looks as each other.

eachtigertires · 02/03/2017 23:12

I never wear make up except for weddings or funerals and even then it's just a little mascara and subtle eye shadow. I never notice whether other people are wearing make up or not and I definitely don't make any judgements. Wear what you like!