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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask: if you don't wear make up regularly, what do you genuinely think when you see someone who does?

515 replies

Mingewithafringe · 27/02/2017 13:26

Really interested to hear people's views on this as it's something the socially anxious person in me has always wondered.

I wear a lot of make up by most people's standards. It stems from my teens where I developed bad skin and was just desperate to cover it. It's a lot better now but I have scars and patches that I feel insecure about.
So as well as a concealer and powder foundation, I also fill in my eyebrows daily, wear liquid eyeliner on my top lid, kohl pencil on my waterline, mascara, bronzer and either matte lipstick or a tinted lip balm. Without the eye make up I look tired or ill (people have actually said that!)

This is most days unless I know for sure I won't be going out that day. I have applied it for so many years that it only takes me about 5/10 minutes to put it on in the morning, and the amount of money I spend on make up has just become one of those accepted expenses, although I don't actually spend a lot because aside from my foundation, the rest is usually affordable stuff like Maybelline, Bourjois etc

I go through phases where I just hate the fact that I feel like I have to wear it and so I try to wean myself off it e.g. By not wearing eyeliner or by going for a subtle/minamalistic look. But I just don't feel confident and end up reverting back!

I have always wondered what ladies who don't wear make up are thinking when they talk to me. If I walk in to a room, 99% of the time I am wearing the most make up out of any woman. So ironically, I wear make up so that people don't think "look at her scars", but now have developed this insecurity where I feel that when I talk to someone, all they are thinking is "jeez how much make up is she wearing, it's a toddler and baby group for crying out loud"!!

Am I being silly?

OP posts:
SquidgeyMidgey · 27/02/2017 21:20

I wear mascara to coat my blonde eyelashes (I look unhinged without it) and some undereye concealer, so more than some and less than some. I genuinely couldn't care less what make up other people wear though if it's a full face that's been skilfully applied I do feel slightly jealous as I'm scrap at makeup!

EnormousTiger · 27/02/2017 21:21

Minge have you tried not looking in mirrors. I genuinely hardly ever do. Works for me.

RortyCrankle · 27/02/2017 21:21

I have zero interest if people wear make up or not and don't think any differently about them.

AssassinatedBeauty · 27/02/2017 21:22

areyoubeingserviced I think that people think that it takes a lot of time because it would take them a lot of time to do. I imagine it would take a non-expert much longer than you. So maybe 20 minutes instead of 10. In a tightly timetabled morning routine that's a fair amount of time.

bumblingmum · 27/02/2017 21:25

What foundation do you use?

I'm always impressed that anyone with small kids gets out of the house with makeup on. I always wonder how they find the time and what they use as my makeup slides off my face within 10 mins.
I had dreadful acne for 20 years and don't wear makeup now as I feel confident about not wearing it now that my skin is better.

Somehowsomewhere · 27/02/2017 21:31

Yes, a full face of make up would take me at least 20 mins. I have a 3 year old and 19 month old and DH works away. DD2 gets up at 5.30am. I don't have 20 undisturbed minutes! I can only just manage a shower.

Sallystyle · 27/02/2017 21:32

Free choice, but Yeah I secretly judge why they don't choose to stay in bed longer?

Because looking my best is important to me. I enjoy it. 5-10 minutes extra sleep is not much is it? If we were talking about an extra hour I would want to stay in bed. I don't eat breakfast (can't stand eating in the morning), It would take me longer to do that than it does my makeup.

I am not losing sleep by wearing make up and in reality I don't know anyone who does.

Original poster
Mingewithafringe · 27/02/2017 21:35

Bumbling - I use MAC Studio Fix. The foundation is only the real thing I spend money on, but it lasts me ages (don't need much) so it's well worth it.

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 27/02/2017 21:37

I also think moisturiser is over rated. A lot of people insist moisturiser is a must, but I don't use that either and I think my skin looks fine. It moisturises itself. Soap and water seems to do a treat.

You are very lucky. I have to use it or foundation balls up and I don't even wear much foundation. I have very dry skin, it's a must for me.

It's only overrated if you don't bloody need it.

NameChanger22 · 27/02/2017 21:42

I wear a medium amount of makeup most days. I love makeup, I really like putting it on every morning, it's like 15 minutes of meditation for me and it's a creative thing I do to start the day. I apply it differently nearly every day. I also collect it and I love the packaging and arranging it nicely on shelves. Makeup is one of my many creative hobbies.

15 minutes more in bed wouldn't be a good start to my day, I'm often just lying there waiting to get up.

I never judge someone for wearing or not wearing it. I think some people look better without it and some people better with it.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 27/02/2017 21:50

I had eczema around my eyes as a teenager, which was aggravated my make-up, so never developed a habit of wearing it. My close friends also didn't wear it, so the practising stage seemed to bypass me.

I found that foundation accentuated the rough skin on my cheeks (although the lighter tinted moisturisers these days are much better). I've got small eyes that can easily get closed up by heavy make-up, especially eyeliner. I've also got a scar right next to one eye which makes it difficult to get both eyes looking even.

I'll wear make-up for special occasions a few times a year, but most of the time I'm happy enough with a bare face, and have enough definition in my colouring to look fine most of the time. I sometimes wonder if people find me less professional for not wearing it.

Out of people I know, I'm in the minority for not wearing make-up most of the time. Most people wear it well. Sometimes I'll notice people wearing make-up that's unnaturally heavy for the context or the person's colouring. It's a shame when it ends up looking like a mask, rather than accentuating a person's features. With the quality of modern products, most people can look flattering and quite natural with quite a lot of product. Smile

zeezeek · 27/02/2017 21:55

I'm in my late 40's, am a Professor at a Russell Group University and I bloody love make up!

I don't wear it every day, but will do if I have a meeting or if I just fancy putting some on. I'm not insecure and as I've been married for over 25years I really can't be arsed to attract another man. Oh and I've got 2 kids.

Day to day I wear primer, foundation (Nars), blusher, neutral eyeshadow, eyeliner and mascara. Oh and I've developed a slight obsession for Hourglass Ambient Light highlighter. Now and again I'll stick on lippy as well, but to be honest I wear that less often as it doesn't stay on. It takes 5 minutes.

I do, however, definitely feel judged by non make up wearers whilst I certainly don't judge them. This thread has shown that there are a lot of women who do judge us make up wearers and I find that slightly offensive.

As well as wearing make up I enjoy reading about it (i lurk on style and beauty) seeing new products and techniques and shopping for it. I also like having a nice haircut and wearing perfume.

Guess it's all just another way in which women judge other women.

PoorOldEeyore · 27/02/2017 22:00

What would I think? I would think something along the lines of :-

She is super organised this morning; time to do a full face.
She doesn't need that amount of make up (imho)

I'm far more likely to notice your eye colour, what nice things you're wearing, covert your handbag Grin

If it makes you happy.. isn't that what they say?

However, you don't seem happy with the fact you feel a 'need' to wear it. That makes it a problem. Flowers

One of my inner demons is SA too and during CBT I explored this area. Turned out I believed other people needed to be saved the misfortune of looking at me without make up! Thank God I worked through this and many more negative self beliefs.
Nowadays I CHOOSE whether I want to wear make up depending on where I'm going/how much time I have/if I can be bothered, and it doesn't make me sad when I go out bare faced.

Natsku · 27/02/2017 22:14

I have no idea of how to apply make-up (something I'm finding very difficult because I have a DD who is obsessed with make-up - so far getting away with saying she's too young but eventually I'll have to give in) so that's probably part of why I don't use it but also because, as someone who has been really poor at times, I can't justify the expense.

Interestingly my mum never wore make-up when she was young (judging by photos) or while I was growing up but she's started wearing it now in her 60s. I based a lot of my ideas of beauty on her because I always thought she was beautiful just as she was so its a bit of a shock to think that she didn't think the same way.

PickAChew · 27/02/2017 22:21

I will defend moisturiser - not because of any supposed anti ageing effect but because a little bland moisturiser is really soothing on my sensitive skin.

Kikikaakaa · 27/02/2017 22:23

U2

Free choice, but Yeah I secretly judge why they don't choose to stay in bed longer?

Because looking my best is important to me. I enjoy it. 5-10 minutes extra sleep is not much is it? If we were talking about an extra hour I would want to stay in bed. I don't eat breakfast (can't stand eating in the morning), It would take me longer to do that than it does my makeup.

I am not losing sleep by wearing make up and in reality I don't know anyone who does.

I made that comment to people who were saying they don't really judge then commenting on not understanding why you wouldn't want 10 extra mins in bed. I don't lose sleep from it either. I have an out of bed to out of house routine in 40 mins most days and that includes make up.

I was just picking out the comments I had seen about why people wasted time on it, but it is their time to waste.

I also have not seen people who wear make up saying any offensive assumptions about people who choose not to wear make up, only those who don't wear it making various assumptions.

I've also had bad skin in the past, it can help with your confidence to have products that make you feel good about yourself.

OldLibrary · 27/02/2017 22:29

mewkins can I add Dolly Parton to Robert Smith and Bsrbara Catlsnd..? 😀

ruthsmumkath · 27/02/2017 22:32

I never wear make up - and when I see someone wearing it feel very envious and think flip - I'd better start wearing it - but then I realise I have very little, am rubbish at applying it and am colour blind so can't see it - so carry on as per usual!

absolutelynotfabulous · 27/02/2017 22:32

I would never, ever, go out without makeup. I wear lots; always have. It's a mask. I look like a dog without it.

I feel unfinished, dirty and rough when I get up in the morning.

I love makeup on others too. I love the different effects it can achieve. I think on the whole people look better with it.

I don't judge those who don't make up. I wonder how they can go without, and I am envious of their apparent self-confidence.

DrHarleenFrancesQuinzel · 27/02/2017 22:32

I just wear foundation and mascara for work. A bit more for a night out with friends.

I dont really think about other people and how they look. As long as I dont look silly that's all I care about.

the rest is usually affordable stuff like Maybelline, Bourjois etc
They're expensive to me

MapMyMum · 27/02/2017 22:36

When I see people wearing make up every day I think 'I wish I could be bothered to do that every day'! But Im not bothered enough to actually do it on a normal day to day basis. I dont think anything negative of anyone that wears make up every day. Do what makes you feel comfortable and confident and love your body

123beanie · 27/02/2017 22:44

I don't really think anything of it. If people want to wear make up and it makes them feel comfortable and confident then surely that's a good thing? Honestly don't worry what other people think, it's about how you feel

Ameliablue · 27/02/2017 22:53

Nothing. Unless someone is made up in a stand out way, I wouldn't even register if someone had make up on our not.

TeethDrama · 27/02/2017 22:55

I genuinely tend to notice the highlights about someone, makeup or no makeup. Just today I was looking at a mum at the school gates thinking she had fantastic dimples when she smiled. I notice the cafe girl's amazingly shiny hair. I don't think they had makeup on and they were not what you call glam, but practically everyone has a best feature and my beauty-loving eyes tend to spot it, whether it be achieved by makeup or natural. There's a lady in a high street shop, in her 59s and wears makeup which you can see, but she just has it so right. There are some people who really suit makeup and some who really don't and look best just as they are. I look terrible without makeup - not "not pretty" but ill - even my own mum says I look ill without it!

So I wear a full face of makeup every day, but for day I wear as close to natural shades as possible. I want to look like myself but a healthier version!

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 28/02/2017 09:30

rhoda why is it that when you see a working mum with full makeup and hair dine you think ' I wish I had the time and energy to do that' yet when you see a sahm with the same you think 'life's to short'. Are only working women allowed to want their makeup done without it being a waste of life. I'm a sahm who does their makeup. I'm out and about 6 days a week with my children so like to feel good about myself. I find your comment quite insulting tbh