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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask: if you don't wear make up regularly, what do you genuinely think when you see someone who does?

515 replies

Mingewithafringe · 27/02/2017 13:26

Really interested to hear people's views on this as it's something the socially anxious person in me has always wondered.

I wear a lot of make up by most people's standards. It stems from my teens where I developed bad skin and was just desperate to cover it. It's a lot better now but I have scars and patches that I feel insecure about.
So as well as a concealer and powder foundation, I also fill in my eyebrows daily, wear liquid eyeliner on my top lid, kohl pencil on my waterline, mascara, bronzer and either matte lipstick or a tinted lip balm. Without the eye make up I look tired or ill (people have actually said that!)

This is most days unless I know for sure I won't be going out that day. I have applied it for so many years that it only takes me about 5/10 minutes to put it on in the morning, and the amount of money I spend on make up has just become one of those accepted expenses, although I don't actually spend a lot because aside from my foundation, the rest is usually affordable stuff like Maybelline, Bourjois etc

I go through phases where I just hate the fact that I feel like I have to wear it and so I try to wean myself off it e.g. By not wearing eyeliner or by going for a subtle/minamalistic look. But I just don't feel confident and end up reverting back!

I have always wondered what ladies who don't wear make up are thinking when they talk to me. If I walk in to a room, 99% of the time I am wearing the most make up out of any woman. So ironically, I wear make up so that people don't think "look at her scars", but now have developed this insecurity where I feel that when I talk to someone, all they are thinking is "jeez how much make up is she wearing, it's a toddler and baby group for crying out loud"!!

Am I being silly?

OP posts:
Kikikaakaa · 27/02/2017 19:47
  • No man has ever expressed any opinion on me with or without make up
OldLibrary · 27/02/2017 19:47

mewkins I so agree with you. And I am a boring middle aged mother living in a rural backwater.

This thread has really confirmed my long held suspicions that non makeup people judge makeup wearers.

Aria2015 · 27/02/2017 19:49

I honestly wouldn't worry. I wear make up every day, it was just how I was raised. My mother always looks immaculately turned out and it's just become part of my day. I have two 'looks' a day look and a night look. The main difference is that I wear neutral eye makeup by day and more dramatic eye makeup for a night out. I like wearing makeup. I don't feel confident without it but that doesn't bother me because I can get around that by just wearing it lol! Takes me about 7 minutes in the morning and then I feel set for the day!

I do notice women who don't wear makeup. I admire their confidence but I've never wondered what they think of me. If wearing makeup makes you feel good then go for it! Don't worry what others think Smile

Kikikaakaa · 27/02/2017 19:50

OldLibrary - me too and I am saddened by it.

I like to think though that I surround myself with friends who don't judge in a shallow way. They would never assume I think I am better than them because of what I put on my face

FYI I just went to a gym class in my make up after work. I mean I am not about to bother taking it all off before I go what would be the point?

Kennington · 27/02/2017 19:54

I wear make up everyday: concealer and a little blush and messy eyeliner. I like this look and don't really notice others unless it is particularly dramatic. I don't mind being judged and have a thing about Looking a certain way. It is upbringing I suppose.

FeralBeryl · 27/02/2017 20:03

Kiki oh I had plenty of make up on Grin at the gym as I'd left mine on from work.
These girls had false lashes on and full smoky eyes.
My particular judgement there was that they had no intention of using the gym for its purpose (which was true)
They stood taking selfies whilst the rest of the population grunted and sweated. I myself was in full panda mode after about 10 mins...minger!
Make up is beautiful, it can enhance, accentuate, disguise, I've personally found the older I get, the less I'm bothered by leaving the house without a full face although I'm always mascara'd and a bit of bronzer.
Off to rtft properly now.....

Somehowsomewhere · 27/02/2017 20:08

If anything, this thread has prompted me to wear more make up!

jamdonut · 27/02/2017 20:14

The only makeup I wear is Kohl eyeliner on my lower eye rim, some brown eyeshadow ( occasionally purple on special occasions!) and a mauve-ish lipstick. Sometimes mascara,and a neutral face-powder if I can be bothered. This is how it has been since I was 17( I'm 52 now). I cannot bear the feeling of foundation on my face.
The only time I get judgy about makeup is when people have weird eyebrows that look ridiculous. I hate these identikit black eyebrows that a lot of young girls seem to have, they look awful...It just makes me stare because it looks odd.

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 27/02/2017 20:19

I like a young man in eyeliner..!.Grin
Sometimes I go bare faced,and don't even look in a mirror all day. Sometimes I line my eyes in black liquid flicked eyeliner, or I wear a little mascara and paint my lips fire engine red.
That's not because i'm desperately insecure, but because I feel like expressing the way I feel that day. A bright red mouth can do wonders for the way you feel, even the way you walk, you need confidence to pull it off!
I was always in the dressing up box as a kid, and this is no different. Sometimes make up is war paint. And , yes, a mask. I might be feeling like I need flawless skin and dark eyes because I want to look a little intimidating in a meeting!
Humans have always painted themselves, so what? It is restrictive if you feel you can't leave the house without make up, but that's something you have to work on, not something anyone should be passing judgement on, because only you know why you are made up that day.

mewkins · 27/02/2017 20:19

Oldlibrary thanks. Crikey I know. I am a feminist and I firmly believe that men and women can wear what the hell they want. I am not wearing make up to conform, I am wearing it for self expression. Ibknow plenty who wear it to feel better, because it is interesting, because they want to add a bit of glamour to their lives, because it is fun to get dressed up, because it fun to look a bit different, because they want to look like Robert Smith, whatever. Why the hell not? I never look at my friends who don't wear and think they look shit. I think they just look different to me because they are different to me. Everyone is different.

M0stlyBowlingHedgehog · 27/02/2017 20:29

I don't really notice much. I do sometimes watch in puzzlement as the younger women at work put on makeup in the changing rooms before work - they are beautiful when they arrive, they then spend 5, 10 minutes carefully putting on natural looking makeup, and (to my eye) they look unchanged! Because pretty much all women in their twenties are beautiful (and don't realise it at the time - I look back at photos of me then and think "if only I'd known...") Now I'm old and wrinkly and saggy I can't decide whether to start wearing makeup to stop me looking so bloody awful, or whether any attempt to do so would result in an unfortunate Barbara Cartland incident!

mewkins · 27/02/2017 20:33

^ wear it and even if you look like Barbara Cartland you will be fab Grin

Bahh · 27/02/2017 20:34

My Mam is really concerned with her appearance and always has been. She used to spend an hour getting ready and we were always late everywhere. I started to view it as a really big inconvenience and I remember asking when I was very little why she bothered "when you already have a husband" Blush

I suffer with depression and anxiety and have done since I was small so coupled with the low self esteem that comes with that plus the negative time wasting association I built up through my Mam, I never developed a passion for it.

I'm mid twenties now and currently I tend to wear makeup I'd say 50% of the time. I work in a corporate environment and sadly it probably is noticed so I try harder now than I have done previously.

When I see people with full faces all the time, I'm equally impressed with the dedication and also feel a little sad. It must be horrible to feel like you can't leave the house without war paint, without spending time strategically hiding your face.

But equally they probably feel sad for me, that I don't have the self esteem to put effort into my appearance. Each to their own.

Sweets101 · 27/02/2017 20:36

I feel so jealous of women who do their make up every morning. I'd love to. I've watched tutorials on YouTube and I still don't know where to start.
Can I go to one of those make up counters and ask for help or is that going to end up either a) very expensive or b) make me look like an idiot?
I can't wear eyeshadow or lipstick, it makes me look like i've been at my mam's make up playing dress up, or a drag queen Sad

Bahh · 27/02/2017 20:39

Sweets if you're interested in developing it as a skill I would recommend going to a counter. Expense depends on where you go and what you have done. Some places will give you a full face on the understanding that you buy a couple of products at the end. Or you can go and say "can you show me how to do my eyebrows" or whatever and they'll do that for free without you needing to buy anything.

I did that. Did end up buying three of the products the first time and spent £60odd in the process Sad however two of those products were brilliant and are now my go to brands and make a big difference when I do choose to do it.

Lostin3dspace · 27/02/2017 20:41

I only wear make up for special occasions, so I'm not really very good at it, so mostly when I see people in lots of makeup, I am quite admiring of their skill really. I think I would only judge you for your makeup if the event in question didn't call for makeup, like an all day hike up Ben Nevis or something. But I wouldn't judge you openly anyway. Probably deep seated jealousy and insecurity on my part since I'm not good at anything girly.

Kikikaakaa · 27/02/2017 20:41

I buy cheap products to practice with on the YouTube tutorials also look for someone who has a similar face type and skin colour as you

Cocopopsrule · 27/02/2017 20:43

I don't wear make up and don't judge anyone who does unless they are throwing themselves about pouting. If it is really well done, I might briefly be a bit envious as I don't really know how to apply it but than that - don't think about it.

Puppymouse · 27/02/2017 20:46

If it was well applied I'd probably ask for tips and wonder how you did it and where you found the time! If it was orange/spider lashes/The Count from Sesame Street brows like so many young girls these days (Jesus I sound like a whiny old bitch - I'm only 37) then I'd cringe a bit to myself but wouldn't say anything or be anything but polite.

If it makes you confident wear whatever you like. I used to wear a lot more than I do now but maternity leave really helped me "get used to" my face with less makeup. I look tired and crap without it but with too much I look older and harder. These days I just (haha) wear a BB/concealer/foundation 3in1 and religiously curl my lashes with three layers of mascara, some liquid eyeliner under my lashes and shape and use pencil on my brows.

SingaSong12 · 27/02/2017 20:53

Haven't RTFT. I don't wear make up at all. I never have and my mothers was minimal. I don't really notice whether other people are wearing makeup or not, except heavy eyeliner or fake eye lashes.

Original poster
Mingewithafringe · 27/02/2017 20:55

I am really surprised at how many non-makeup wearers have said that they are envious of women's make up skills when they see a face of make up, I always just thought that all women who avoided make up did so out of choice but it's so interesting to read that some people stay away from it because they don't think they have the skill to apply it.

I am going to try tomorrow without my top liner and see how I feel - That's not to conform - I do want to wear less. Where I work there's about 7 of us women ranging from mid 20s to mid 40s (i'm 32), and I am definitely the biggest make up wearer. Whilst it's nice to know that they are not judging me negatively, I do still want to see if I can do it for myself

OP posts:
M0stlyBowlingHedgehog · 27/02/2017 21:03

"wear it and even if you look like Barbara Cartland you will be fab grin"

Thank you mewkins Grin

Eminybob · 27/02/2017 21:04

I'm really self conscious about my make up too op.
I wear foundation every day, as I had really bad skin as a teen and I've gotten into the habit.
I think I blend it well, but I'm always paranoid that I have a tide mark which is ridiculous as I have been wearing it long enough to know how it put it on!

However, my best friend and my mum who never wear foundation have told me that I shouldn't wear it and would better without so that's just made my paranoia worse!

I know people who wear a lot more than me though, and I always think they look nice and wish I had the confidence. Especially with eyeliner, I have never been able to wear it as I'm just absolutely shit at putting it on. I'm 36 for gods sake I should be able to know how to apply eye liner by now! Same with fake lashes.

areyoubeingserviced · 27/02/2017 21:05

I love makeup and wear it most days.
I am puzzled by posters who think that it takes time to apply makeup. It takes me about ten minutes to apply my face.
I have three children and a demanding job , but I enjoy makeup.
One can find time.

Original poster
Mingewithafringe · 27/02/2017 21:18

Eminy - it's so frustrating for us people who suffered with acne, i know exactly how you feel. I darent go bare but I know that applying foundation doesn't give me 100% coverage because of bumps and stuff, so it doesn't completely eliminate the insecurity of people noticing your acne. I've got pock marks as well and find them really difficult to cover without caking on layers of liquid foundation, which I don't like doing. Sometimes I'll look at my face in a mirror in the harsh daylight and I genuinely can't tell if my foundation looks ok or not!!

OP posts: