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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I really a "boring old bastard" because I've asked for a relaxing spa day for my birthday?

60 replies

Deeperthanathousandcuts · 26/02/2017 23:11

I have a milestone birthday coming up sharp intake of breath - my fortieth and have been asked what I would like. Rather than feign uber politeness and remark that there couldn't possibly be anything I need/want I've asked for a night away at a spa hotel and then a half day at the spa whereupon I'll be lavished with 3 hours of relaxing relaxing treatments.

The reaction to this has been startling with friends and family members calling me boring and old before my time. This is honestly my idea of heaven on earth. Other suggested alternatives have been a weekend in Amsterdam/Prague which I'm sure would be lovely but I just want a frigging spa day not a weekend stomping drunkenly around a City. Have I become boring?

OP posts:
longdiling · 26/02/2017 23:13

Sounds very standard 40th birthday fare to me. I had 2 of them in fact. Surely the plus side of getting older is we don't have to pretend we're wild crazy up for anything party animals any more?!

CinderellaRockefeller · 26/02/2017 23:23

Could it possibly be that none of the family Andy friends are invited to the spa day, while they'd all been looking forward to a group piss up in Amsterdam?

WhoKn0wsWhereTheTimeG0es · 26/02/2017 23:23

You can have city breaks without them being wild, party adventures. I would take one over a spa break any day, and I'm well over 40, but each to their own, I wouldn't call you a boring bastard for having different taste in birthday treats to me. If a spa break is what you want then that's fine.

CinderellaRockefeller · 26/02/2017 23:24

Family AND friends. Bloody phone.
Not sure who Andy is, but doubt he's invited to the spa day either.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 26/02/2017 23:28

Yabu to only ask for half a day when the alternative being offered is a full weekend abroad, surely monetary wise that means at least a full day of treatments is what you should be looking for Wink

SpringSpringSpring · 26/02/2017 23:29

I don't drink and would still take the weekend away over a spa any time. But I hate spas in the same way I hate the dentist. Just do what you want.

Amber76 · 27/02/2017 00:45

I went to a spa on my 40th - my idea of a really lovely treat. Who cares what others think? Part of getting older is doing what you think is enjoyable... not feeling you have to do what other peoples idea of fun is.

PebbleInTheMoonlight · 27/02/2017 01:00

I'm still closer to 30 than 40 (just about) and I'm much rather a spa day than anything involving getting drunk. Couldn't care less if that makes me boring. At least I'd be happily boring rather than miserably social Grin

BuggersMuddle · 27/02/2017 01:28

Uh, I had a spa break for my 30th, parents paid the hotel for the two of us (their offer as we'd said we were planning it), DP paid the meals & treatments. It was lovely. One of my best holidays and certainly my best UK holiday.

I love a good night out. A really late night (late club) required consideration because of my work, but I object to the idea everything has to be wild. My 30th - nice hotel in the Lake District, daily swim, walking, lovely meals and some fab Elemis spa treatments was great. Much needed relaxing couple time.

Somevampsarehot · 27/02/2017 01:29

I went to a spa with my mil a couple of weeks before I married her son (I was 22) and I went with my both of my sisters for mine and my twins 25th birthdays. I loved it both times! I genuinely don't understand why anyone thinks that you're being boring and old, it sounds great to me and I'm 26! Also, 50% of the other people there were younger couples and groups of girls. Absolutely go for it and have a wonderful time!

gleam · 27/02/2017 01:32

Yes, I think you've been told this because a spa day is just for you. Whoever said it was, imo, hoping for a weekend away with you.

Butterymuffin · 27/02/2017 01:33

As nocabbage said, you need at least a full day of treatments. Tell them you've changed your mind.. ..and you want TWO nights at the spa hotel. Then laugh at them and say 'tell me, eh, is this my birthday treat or yours? Right, I'll do what I want then. And if you don't want to get me the only thing I've said I want, I'll remember that every time I buy your birthday present for the next ten years'.

Seriously, totally your choice. Go for it.

Graphista · 27/02/2017 01:44

I'm 44 so myself and friends have all been turning 40 over the last few years. Spa day is my idea of hell I don't like being touched by strangers BUT I'm not you! And neither are they!

Here's what my friends and I did for our 40ths

Me - favourite comedy club, meals out with those I love

Friends

Spa days

Hobby related (inc surfing, motorbiking, F1 getting to drive at race track, hot air balloon ride, learning to pilot a plane, scuba diving, hill walking, mountain climbing, writing and art courses)

Travel related (New York, LA, Disney, various European cities, Australia, Africa, China, south east Asia, India)

Ambition related (crossover with previous of course in some ways but also running marathons, overcoming fears, learning or improving a skill like cookery, art - one friend went on a course learning how old style animators drew and painted)

One I'd have no idea how to categorise was going on a religious retreat in Ireland! They had a lovely time.

You can do whatever YOU want, they want a naff piss up in Amsterdam (also my idea of hell there are far nicer places for a weekend away in Netherlands) they can do it for THEIR birthday!

missm0use · 27/02/2017 03:06

Maybe they don't think one night is extravagant enough for a 40th birthday - ask for two and a full days treatments! GrinWink

altiara · 27/02/2017 08:07

No, it's your birthday! You get to choose.
I went to NY for my 40th (well 2 months later) and I got the impression my mum wanted me to do something 'big' if DH hadn't said that's what he was going to do I think she would have tried to plan this.
I also planned a party for the actual day but my DM also planned something for the lunchtime which I let her do as it didn't affect my plans as was something nice to do.
So maybe friends and family want to mark the occasion too- a meal should do it? Or afternoon tea somewhere nice. Don't invite them to the spa day!

And no, people of all ages go for spa days!!

SaucyJack · 27/02/2017 08:12

Agree they just wanted to use your birthday as an excuse for a piss-up.

Gaaaah · 27/02/2017 08:14

Fucking hell I'm not even 30 and this is my idea of heaven! I'd love a spa night away being spoiled with gorgeous treatments (although I'd probably make it a weekend not just a night! But then I'm greedy like that) anyway if that makes me a boring old Bayard I couldn't give a bugger. And neither should you, it's your time, have it how you want it. They'll be plenty of time for others to have what they want, right now they should just shut up.

Gaaaah · 27/02/2017 08:15

Bayard? Grin buggering new phone and your autocorrect. Thank you so much.

Obviously I meant bastard.

ChuckDaffodils · 27/02/2017 08:25

I turned 40 during a night at the Zipper Theatre in New York, slept in the Chelsea Hotel for one last time, had breakfast at the Zen Palate in Union Square and then got a flight home. All the above now no longer exist. Bliss.

If you want a spa day then what the fuck has it got to do with anyone else? This is your life, not theirs.

LadyPW · 27/02/2017 08:43

I think I spent my 40th having a nice quiet day at home! Most people would say that was boring but it suited me just fine. Much more than going out somewhere to please someone else would have. I'd hate a spa day but if that's what YOU want then that should be acceptable to everyone else.

IamFriedSpam · 27/02/2017 09:14

I'm in my early 30s and the spa day sounds like heaven to me. I love city breaks but I've ever had a relaxing one. If we're going to be forced into age stereotypical activities for our birthdays I would have thought yours was bang on, stomping drunkenly around a city is more the 21 year old's arena (although actually I think people should all do what the hell they want).

mylittlephoney · 27/02/2017 09:54

It's my 40th in September and that's what I'll be asking for. Just an afternoon without ds or dh and lots of aromatherapy and pampering. Happy Birthday op whenever it is.

MiniCooperLover · 27/02/2017 09:58

I love spas !!! I also love City Breaks, but the point is it's not my birthday, it's yours! I'm off on a spa weekend with some friends soon for a friends 40th and we are all looking forward to the uninterrupted sleep and also the actual spa. You do what suits you!!

Char22thom · 27/02/2017 10:04

I'm celebrating my 35th birthday next weekend on a spa weekend with DH, I have also been told this is boring, and should be having a big night out or a meal somewhere etc etc, neither of which I want to do! Hate eating out as always find it really disappointing/overpriced and not interested in wasting money drinking when I won't enjoy myself. I say go for exactly the birthday celebration you want, it will be the only time you have this birthday so spend it enjoying yourself xx

glitterazi · 27/02/2017 10:11

You're not boring. You were asked what you'd like, and you replied!
People who ask and then don't listen and push their ideas instead do my head in. WHY ASK?! Grin
Sounds like they want a piss up or weekend away for your birthday instead.
As it's your birthday though, you get to decide!
I personally would take a weekend away over a spa day any day, but I'm not you and we all like different things.
Each to their own, plenty of people love spa days!

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