Surname after marriage

[VivienneWestwoodsKnickers]

I'm getting married in August. I used to be in the police where it was common for women to take their husband's name (if they wanted to of course) and use that for their personal life but maintain their "maiden" name for work purposes.

This created a split between work and personal life to protect their family privacy.

I'm no longer in the police and was toying with the idea of still doing this, but there's no real "need".

WIBU to ask whether you kept your name, adopted your partners name, selected a new surname together or now use different names for parts of your life?

[AddToBasket]

We both kept our names. The children have his surname.

So pleased that I kept my name. I always feel a bond with other women who keep theirs too. However, most of my female friends gave theirs up and no one has mentioned regretting it.

[ReadyPlayerOne]

DH offered to take my name but I wasn't quite brave enough to be "different" 9 years ago. I wish I'd agreed to it though; my name was nicer than our current name!

[ArriettyClock1]

We wanted the same name for us and our children.

I took his as it's lovely and mine was horrid.

[NameChange30]

I wonder how many more people are going to say that thsir husband's surname is so much nicer than their maiden name

Refreshing that for one person it was the other way around, shame it made no difference to the outcome!

[GotPanache]

I double barrelled myname-hisname - and so did he! We had DS before we got married and just gave him DH's surname which I regretted so after we got married we changed DS' surname to match ours too.

[ArriettyClock1]

My dh would've taken my name if it had been important to me - it wasn't and I couldn't wait to get shot of it.

[VivienneWestwoodsKnickers]

FWIW I know one man who took his wife's surname, and another couple who picked a new one together.

My DP would be upset if I didn't take his name at all - we've discussed it. He feels there's little point in being married if his name isn't adopted. He sees it as a joining, and that names are the public symbol of that. But he's not sufficiently enlightened to agree to take my name!

I've explained my rationale for keeping my name at work (professional job, still in law enforcement, would be nice to be harder to find by people I deal with etc) and he understands that bit.

[NameChange30]

Oh dear, your financé's attitude sucks.

[Willyoujustbequiet]

Vivienne that attitude would raise a red flag to me, sorry.

[VivienneWestwoodsKnickers]

I wouldn't go that far AnotherEmma. The military has made him a bit of a dinosaur I think. He's also from a very robust traditional family which is very male (no daughters for generations), so he's not had a balanced upbringing IMO. I'm working on him....!

[NameChange30]

As if the only point of marriage is for a woman to take her husband's name
If it's so important to him to share a surname he would consider taking yours.
And has he realised that not even considering it might "upset" you just as much as you not taking his might upset him?!

[honeylulu]

Bloody hell! If he thinks the only point of getting married is for the woman to change her name, he's got his priorities a bit wrong!
If he thinks it so important he can change his, no?

[FernetBranca]

We both kept our names. I felt quite strongly about changing mine - I was 30 when I married and well established in my work field (more so than DH, who was in the same'ish field 😊). Why wou,d I want to take his name?

Genuinely don't understand the "faff" concerns about having different surnames. I've been married 20+ years and can count the faff events on the fingers of one finger (had to take my marriage certificate - with the other usual documents - to police station to evidence the car insurance as it was in the name of DH "and spouse". Feels pretty low faff, which is entirely non faff if you word your insurance better or don't do dodgy driving!

Never been an issue with the dcs various schools, who are hugely observant about calling us by our separate names (why wouldn't they be - if you tell them your names I cant see why they will decide to call you something else

[TheFallenMadonna]

I changed my name. If I married again, I'mean not sure what I would do. My name changed as a child too as a result of adoption. I'mean not sure if that had a bearing on things. My BIL's husband changed his name when they married. My mum kept the name she took when she married my dad when she remarried, as it had been her name for most of her life by then. My friend changed her name back immediately after her divorce. Lots of ways to do it.

[TurnipCake]

I had an ex who was digging his heels about getting married because it was 'too traditional' but expected me change my name if we did, because 'it's tradition'

[NataliaOsipova]

I've never met a woman who regretted keeping her own name or giving her children her name.

I have.

[NinaMarieP]

I fully intend to take my DPs name when we get married and our baby will have that name too (we want to get married next year when he's one or so).

I'm all for women keeping their own names but I dislike my maiden name! Nobody can pronounce it, nobody can spell it and it just doesn't look or sound good! Whereas my partner has a nice traditional Scottish name that I would be happy to have.

My thought on double barrelling is what happens when your child meets someone else and then goes through the "whose name" discussion.

Miss Smith-Johnstone and Mr Granger-Harris.

They can't quadruple barrell. Do they do Smith-Granger? If they keep their own names what names do their kids have?

I over think these things!

[NameChange30]

Turnip

[Pineappletastic]

My husband was already double barrelled, so I he chose which one he wanted to keep and swapped the other one for mine.

So he was Milsname-Filsname and I was Myname, now we're both Myname-Filsname.

I wanted us to have the same surname for when we had DCs, and didn't see why I should lose mine and take both of his.

[NameChange30]

Nina There's a very simple solution. Children have one surname from each parent. Spanish style.

[andontothenext]

I use my maiden surname in work and my married for everything else.

I do a job where we're not generally liked by many so it keeps a certain distinction between my work life and my personal life.

Don't want people searching and finding my facebook

[MinnieSquidge]

I changed mine to DH's name. Didn't even consider that I wouldn't.

[Paddingtonthebear]

Kept my name. Just don't see any reason to change it. Seems very outdated to me but I couldn't care less what other people think or what they choose to do.

[EurusHolmesViolin]

If your DP thinks there's little point in being married if you don't take his surname OP, he sorely needs some education on the nature of the contract he's considering entering into. Like, yesterday.

[UmmNo]

took his name and totally regret it. i was never and will. ever be a "xxxxx"

I did the same. I love my DH but I don't want to be known as MRS DH. I changed my name to his because we just didn't think about it and my maiden name was shite.😂 I really wish we had made up our own cool new family surname.