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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to go to a baby shower without a present?

42 replies

daffy00 · 26/02/2017 14:47

I utterly detest baby showers and everything they stand for but sadly there is no way I can not go to it.

I don't believe in buying gifts before the safe delivery of a baby, and I object to the 'grabby' nature of showers.

So, AIBU to go to the shower and say, "I will give the baby hi/her git once he has arrived"?

OP posts:
Original poster
daffy00 · 26/02/2017 14:47

his/her gift - that should read!

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 26/02/2017 14:48

Just don't go. It'll be obvious you don't want to be there.

Magzmarsh · 26/02/2017 14:48

I think they're nonsense as well, I've only been to one and thought it was the daftest load of crap ever but would never have attended without a gift. I just wrote a cheque and put it inside a card.

Original poster
daffy00 · 26/02/2017 14:51

I can't not go - it is a close family member and no 'excuse' would work!

OP posts:
troodiedoo · 26/02/2017 14:51

Yeah if you go you need to take something, they are grabby no getting away from that. But also a nice show of support for the mother to be. You could take a small token gift like some nappies, or get something bigger now and then not get anything when the baby is born.

PurpleDaisies · 26/02/2017 14:52

In that case but a token present (i normally take a set ducks for the bath which cost about two pounds) and give the proper present when the baby is born.

titchy · 26/02/2017 14:54

Just take some nice toiletries or flowers or chocolate for the mum if you don't feel comfortable buying something for the baby. But yes ywbu and very rude to go empty handed.

meditrina · 26/02/2017 14:55

As the name 'shower' is short for 'shower with gifts' then yes yo have to take something as that's the whole damned point.

But yes, it can be small ('shower-type gift' is a phrase that grew from the norm that it's usually something inexpensive and useful).

(Parties in pregnancy where gifts are not the whole point are not showers)

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/02/2017 14:56

You don't have to go anywhere in this life. Its not a tax summons, so. If you're not going to go with enthusiasm and sit there with a face like thunder. You're best of not going at all. As it'll stand out a billion % that you do not want to be there

Grilledaubergines · 26/02/2017 14:58

I've been to a few. They're awful things but not always easy to wriggle out of. I never take a gift. I give a gift when the baby is born.

WhooooAmI24601 · 26/02/2017 14:59

I went to one a few weeks ago and took a bottle of fancy vodka and a voucher for Selfridges food hall so that the Mum-to-be could buy herself fancy pate when she finally evicts the baby. Everyone else took super-appropriate gifts like nappy cakes and milking machines. I suspect she liked mine best, though.

Just go and buy something once baby has arrived.

SaucyJack · 26/02/2017 15:00

Just take a present now.

Life is too short for the angst. Get pissed and enjoy yourself,

Original poster
daffy00 · 26/02/2017 15:04

Oh I won't be sitting there with a face like thunder... like the Vodka idea, think I'll do something like that Wink

OP posts:
TheSconeOfStone · 26/02/2017 15:05

I would buy a small gift for the mum as someone else suggested if you can't get out of going.

melj1213 · 26/02/2017 15:09

I dislike babyshowers too, they just seemed designed as a gift grab, especially as it was traditionally only done for the first baby to help with initial costs ... when people are having them for subsequent babies it is hard to see it as anything else.

What I have started doing is instead of bringing a present for baby, I take a present for the mum - whether it's favourite chocolates, a hamper of travel sizes of some of her favourite hand cream/body lotion etc to take in her hospital bag etcetc - and they have always been well recieved. People always buy loads of stuff for the baby so I take a present for mum to the shower and then I will take a little token gift for baby once they've safely arrived.

MadamePomfrey · 26/02/2017 15:11

I have been to a few where people haven't brought presents as they want to wait. No one thought anything of it everyone understood so I don't see a problem.

BarbarianMum · 26/02/2017 15:16

If you go you need to take something - maybe a small gift for the mum to be. Or don't go.

Summerblaze100 · 26/02/2017 15:24

My friend threw me a surprise baby shower and not all guests brought a present. It was more a chance for us to get together.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 26/02/2017 15:24

There is research to indicate that events like baby showers are correlated with reduced incidence of postnatal depression, because they are good indicators of a caring community around the mother-to-be.

A friend of mine told me this years ago, and it's always stuck in my mind when I see these threads about how 'grabby' showers are.

Do you really like this person so little that you want to parade your hostility to the concept in front of them? Because if you can't be arsed to bring a gift, that's rather how it looks.

Clearly, you are able to afford a gift and even plan to buy one - so all that refusing to bring one now is doing, is sending the message that you disapprove. That's just nasty.

BobbieDog · 26/02/2017 15:29

I ve never been to a baby shower but it hink i would decline if i was invited.

If anyone ever wanted me to have one i would most definitely say no gifts!

OuchBollocks · 26/02/2017 15:32

Bring chocolate. I'm not having a baby shower, I don't like them and I don't like buying gifts before the baby is safely delivered, but I have had a number of visitors lately and chocolate has gone done exceedingly well. Or skip the shower and bring me chocolate.

ExpectoPatronummmm · 26/02/2017 15:34

They are such a load of American bollocks
And this is coming from me, 37 weeks pregnant and already have two kids. I refuse to have one as I think it's rude to basically say
"Hey come to my party to commemerate me having in protected sex and conceiving a child and make sure you spend your money on me as a result"
Hell no.
You get presents when people visit your baby but even then people shouldn't be obliged to:

RedDogsBeg · 26/02/2017 15:42

Well said LRD.

I can't understand the sneering and snobbishness surrounding the topic of baby showers here on MN, all the ones I've been to have been genuinely enjoyable social gatherings nothing remotely grabby or entitled about any of them.

MollyHuaCha · 26/02/2017 15:44

I grew up to understand that it's bad luck to give presents to an unborn baby. In fact, I actually found it quite difficult buying the things I needed in preparation for baby's birth. I've never been invited to a baby shower as they seem quite new in the UK and no one did them a few years ago.

Enidblyton1 · 26/02/2017 15:48

Regardless of what something is called, if you are enjoying somebody's hospitality, it is polite to take something - bottle of wine/chocs/flowers etc.
You absolutely don't need to take a baby gift, but I would take some little token to the host.