AIBU to go to a baby shower without a present?

[daffy00]

I utterly detest baby showers and everything they stand for but sadly there is no way I can not go to it.

I don't believe in buying gifts before the safe delivery of a baby, and I object to the 'grabby' nature of showers.

So, AIBU to go to the shower and say, "I will give the baby hi/her git once he has arrived"?

I don't love baby showers tbh but I do go and I do take a gift.

OP my view is that if you're close enough to the mother to be that you can't make an excuse and not go, you're probably close enough to put your feelings about baby showers to one side and go along with a gift.

She probably is having it thrown for her as well, rather than organising it herself?

Just grabby really...baby showers...nasty things...you want a baby ..pay for it...I have to say I always buy a gift for mum and a gift for baby...but after the birth...why tempt fate

You could make an excuse Unexpected work call, sickness and diarrhoea (no-one wants that near a pregnant lady)
You can't turn up without a gift I think that is rude but you can not go. TBH you could just get something super small like a card and a little set of booties or something for mum to ease the stress of pregnancy (chocolate or ). Depending on how close you are depends on the present . maybe a mug with the scan photo if you can get hold of it ...thats like a fiver on moon pig or something
I do agree it is a bit strange to have a baby shower . people bring gifts and then the person gets more when the babies born I never understood why the showers aren't thrown when the baby arrives

I visit an American pregnancy forum occasionally- the grabiness and sometimes downright ungratefulnes of some of the ladies who post just amazes me.

There was one poster ranting about how their husbands' colleagues had the audacity to club together to buy a baby swing/ rocker which she didn't like- she had designed a scandi inspired nursery and it didn't "compliment her vision". I rubbed my hands in glee, expecting to see her get a mumsnet style dress down and a lesson in gracefully receiving a well thought out gift, only to see the other posters commiserating with her and moaning about their own "baby shower fails"

I've never been to a UK/ Irish baby shower, but as were a bit more superstitious of a breed, the ones I have heard about are much more of a casual get together for friends and colleagues to eat some cupcakes and see the mum to be before she heads off on maternity leave rather than a gift-grab

Take a small gift for the mother-to-be - pregnancy-safe bath or massage oil or similar. Smile broadly and say 'baby's gift will follow once s/he is here.' Then give a personalised print or similar with baby's name, DOB or whatever.

Token gift is a good idea if you really can't get out of this.

I've never been to a baby shower and refused one both times with my DCs because I do find them grabby and tacky personally but it's each to their own. Some people really enjoy them and that's fine too.

I don't understand the buying of gifts before a baby is born

Not because I'm superstitious and think it's bad luck

But because it's heartbreaking if the baby is stillborn to have to deal with a load of baby stuff. Friends whose babies were stillborn said it compounded their grief to come home to a nursery full of stuff, but no baby.

I wouldn't feel comfortable buying anything at all until the baby is safely arrived and home

I agree with PP that taking something small for your friend would be a nice gesture

Where I live they're common. It works out when it's culturally accepted that most people do it, because kind of like house warming or wedding gifts, it means you buy your friends the odd thing here and there instead of buying yourself EVERYTHING you need in one go.

It's common here to just do nappies instead of gifts, too. It's great. When we had our DS, we received enough nappies that we didn't have to buy any until he was 9 months old! In return, we just have to buy the odd pack here and there when we go to other peoples' showers. Spreads the cost around! Plus as an added bonus, we get lots of fun parties and excuses for friends and families to get together!

I would take something small for the Mum. And try and enter into the spirit of the ocassion as it's a close family member.
A lot of British people don't feel comfortable buying a baby gift before the baby is born and it's pointless trying to impose American traditions. Some American customs take, some don't and it seems as if the baby shower thing isn't really catching on that much on this side of the pond.

I can't bear to buy presents for an unborn baby either. I was uncomfortable before my son was stillborn, now I just find it impossible. It was hard enough putting clothes, nappies, etc. away without being used - if I'd had dozens of other (generous) gifts to deal with as well, it would have been so much harder. I wouldn't have known what to do with them - return them? Save for a hopeful next time? Memory box (but without the memories)?

I agree with PPs - something for mum now (pregnancy-safe pamper treats), or something to appreciate after delivery - pate, wine, good cheese, it what I take. Or something she will need regardless of outcome - aromatherapy oils to aid healing post delivery, a hand/foot casting kit, or a memory box...

Yes agree totally with ^^

I don't buy gifts for babies before they're born - I didn't take a gift for baby to the last baby shower I went too, even though the invite specifically said they would like baby toys. I took bath oil for the mum to be and will get a toy for the baby when born.

When I first heard of baby showers a few years ago I though 'oh no, another excuse for someone to be grabby'
It turns out it was nothing like that.
The 7 I have been to have been organised by a close friend of mum to be. We have been to a few places such as nice places for afternoon tea, to hiring out a beach hut and having a BBQ on the beach or just round at someone's house.
It was lovely to catch up with friends especially those that I haven't seen for awhile. Usually non alcoholic cocktails and the like were drunk.
It was lovely seeing mum to be happy with her friends around her.
I think nearly everyone I have been to everyone has taken a gift but it has mostly been nice gifts for MTB.such as candales, nice body cream and other treats.
One friends in outer group is an amazing baker and loves baking unusual and fantastic cakes for these occasions so cake is another good reason to turn up.

In summary I now love them and to me it's spending time with my friends.

I've been to loads of baby showers where guests said "I prefer to give a gift when the baby has arrived" so no, it's not the whole point to bring gifts.

It's a mixing of cultures and it's cultural in Britain not to give gifts until the baby has arrived, that's fine.

So sorry for your loss, Chat

people bring gifts and then the person gets more when the babies born I never understood why the showers aren't thrown when the baby arrives

Because the culture in the US where they originate is different and people don't usually bring presents when the baby arrives. Maybe some food or something but not a present. Unless they are close family who might well buy multiple presents anyway.

I wouldnt as only give gift once baby is born as verybad luck before.

Thank you Yippie