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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask the mother if my other son can attend the party as well?

99 replies

ImmuneToWhatever · 26/02/2017 13:28

Two boys 11 and 6, both equally obsessed with Pokemon cards. The youngest hangs out with the eldest at school with his friends to trade cards. It's nice because the age difference isn't apparent in cards of that sort.
Eldest has been invited to a 'Pokemon party'. Sounds ace. The youngest will be gutted he can't go.

I'm slightly tempted to offer her some money for the hassle and would she mind if the youngest joined too?

Or should I just tell him to suck it up and get over it as I usually do with them when one has a party and the other doesn't. After all, it's a common occurrence. It just so happens that this party happens to be about the latest obsession that includes friends that my youngest has grown close to.

OP posts:
MsMarvel · 26/02/2017 13:30

I think the age gap is too big to expect another parent to be happy to have him tagging along tbh, sorry.

I understand that day to day it might not be an issue but a party setting will be different.

Applebite · 26/02/2017 13:30

I wouldn't. He's not been invited = the host child didn't choose him, not because he doesn't like him, but because all the other kids will be 11.

McButtonwillow · 26/02/2017 13:32

Yabu don't ask, if I were the party boy's dm I would feel put in an awkward position and the age gap is too much.

SoupDragon · 26/02/2017 13:32

IMO you tell him to suck it up I'm afraid. The eldest won't want his younger sibling tagging along on every occasion and the party goers won't want a younger child who is not part of their social group hanging around.

It's not fair to put the host mother in an awkward position by asking really.

yorkshapudding · 26/02/2017 13:33

I wouldn't. If you do, the Mum will most likely feel she has to say yes to avoid awkwardness and I don't think it's fair to put someone in that position. Your eldest sons friends may tolerate a six year old hanging around with them at school but that doesn't mean they'll want one at a birthday party.

early30smum · 26/02/2017 13:33

YABU I'm afraid.

Allthebestnamesareused · 26/02/2017 13:33

Absolutely no way! Do not do it. Do not be THAT mum.

Even if it wasn't such a big age gap it is an invite to your older son. Fairly certain he won't want to be the kid that had to bring his little brother either! I am aghast you even need to ask if YABU!

Allthewaves · 26/02/2017 13:34

nope. Unless you know it's at a soft play or public venue even then you can't expect ds 6 to be included

FrancisCrawford · 26/02/2017 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

firawla · 26/02/2017 13:35

You can't, even with a small age gap I wouldn't. It's too awkward if all the invited kids will be from the older year group. I've 3 all mad on Pokémon but if only one was invited only one would be going. I'd get the eldest to tell me all about it when he got back and if the younger one would love it you could always use some of the ideas for his birthday when that rolls around!!

rollonthesummer · 26/02/2017 13:35

No-please don't!!

Finola1step · 26/02/2017 13:36

Di not be THAT mum is by far the best piece of advice you can be given on the matter

yorkshapudding · 26/02/2017 13:37

Also if your DS1 is 11 presumably hell be going to secondary school in September so your DS2 will have to get used to hanging around with kids his own age at breaktimes and not being included in everything DS1 does with his friends.

Finola1step · 26/02/2017 13:37

Do not Di.

pinkish · 26/02/2017 13:37

So a mum has organised a wonderful event so her son can celebrate his birthday with his friends and you want a kid 5 years younger to tag along? That's so self-centred! Of course you shouldn't ask her.

Original poster
ImmuneToWhatever · 26/02/2017 13:38

I'm not trying to make it all about my child. My eldest would love to have him there, they are really close.

Nonetheless, I can't ignore what you're all saying so I guess it's a no-go.

OP posts:
Neverthelessshepersisted · 26/02/2017 13:38

My kids are/were similar.

No.

Original poster
ImmuneToWhatever · 26/02/2017 13:38

Self-centred. Hmm

OP posts:
pasturesgreen · 26/02/2017 13:39

Dear God, no! You can't. I'm cringing on your behalf.

DownHereInTheHorridHouse · 26/02/2017 13:40

Everyone else is right - she'll feel obliged.

Just have the same sort of party for your youngest when the other one is at his. Random parties are great - cheap snacks and no need for anyone to bring presents!

Trifleorbust · 26/02/2017 13:40

No, you can't do that. Your 6 year old would be completely out of place.

Heratnumber7 · 26/02/2017 13:40

What your 11yo talks about with his mates probably wouldnt be suitable conversation for a 6yo.

expatinscotland · 26/02/2017 13:40

Think it'd be really cheeky to ask.

DioneTheDiabolist · 26/02/2017 13:41

Glad you're seeing sense OP.Smile

Heratnumber7 · 26/02/2017 13:41

Meant to add, if you feel that bad for the 6yo, why don't you arrange a similar get together for him and a few mates?