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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask the mother if my other son can attend the party as well?

99 replies

ImmuneToWhatever · 26/02/2017 13:28

Two boys 11 and 6, both equally obsessed with Pokemon cards. The youngest hangs out with the eldest at school with his friends to trade cards. It's nice because the age difference isn't apparent in cards of that sort.
Eldest has been invited to a 'Pokemon party'. Sounds ace. The youngest will be gutted he can't go.

I'm slightly tempted to offer her some money for the hassle and would she mind if the youngest joined too?

Or should I just tell him to suck it up and get over it as I usually do with them when one has a party and the other doesn't. After all, it's a common occurrence. It just so happens that this party happens to be about the latest obsession that includes friends that my youngest has grown close to.

OP posts:
GwenCooper81 · 26/02/2017 13:42

My kids are close. One is 12 the other is 8. The 12 wouldn't want the 8 year old tagging along.
Don't be that mum!

DillyDilly · 26/02/2017 13:43

I'm cringing here that you would even think of doing such a thing. Please don't embarasss yourself,

Fairenuff · 26/02/2017 13:46

Oh thank goodness you've seen sense OP. It would have been incredibly rude to ask. Why not plan to let the younger child have the Pokémon party for their next birthday instead.

RebootYourEngine · 26/02/2017 13:47

Im not even going to mention the party because you are so unreasonable.

What jumped out at me is that your 6yr old hangs around with 11 yr olds. I think its great when siblings are close but what is your son going to do when his brothers moves on to secondary school?

Spudlet · 26/02/2017 13:52

Why don't you go on a special Pokemon hunting trip with your 6yo while your older son is at the party? If they're using the app, that is?

FrancisCrawford · 26/02/2017 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrenchLavender · 26/02/2017 13:55

You want to offer her money to allow your six year old to attend a party full of 11 year olds that he's (understandably) not invited to? Shock

Erm.....no.

ssd · 26/02/2017 13:56

are you sure your eldest is delighted that his 6 yr old brother hangs around him and his pals?

WankersHacksandThieves · 26/02/2017 13:57

I have two boys a year apart with similar interests and I wouldn't do that either. What if it was a party that your youngest was invited to that the eldest fancied going to, would you ask in that case as well?

Original poster
ImmuneToWhatever · 26/02/2017 13:58

Money to pay for the food. Not pay her to take my son, sheesh.

OP posts:
KungFuEric · 26/02/2017 13:59

I'm a bit concerned that you thought it would be a good idea op.

When it's your youngest sons birthday why don't you give him a Pokemon themed party.

Witchend · 26/02/2017 13:59

Wince.

Wrong on so many levels. You can never ask in a nice way if your child can go to a party. The fact he is so much younger (or older as well) makes it worse.
I suppose the only time it would be reasonable to ask would be if the other mother came to apologise for not inviting them due to space in the car, and you offered to take your dc, and any others she wanted to invite if she wanted more. But you'd still have to do it in a "only if you want" type way, and I still, personally wouldn't.

I've seen this sort of situation before. The number of times it has ended up with the older one resenting the younger one because the friends are very nice about the younger one, but end up unintentionally excluding the older one because they don't always want the younger one present. And the parents just respond with "oh they're so close, dc1 and his friends don't mind at all."

harderandharder2breathe · 26/02/2017 14:00

No no no

Let your eldest have his own time with his friends without little brother tagging along

Original poster
ImmuneToWhatever · 26/02/2017 14:00

My eldest always tags along to the younger parties. Only because I can't leave the youngest because of a health condition (long very boring story. I hate sitting out at kids parties) but with strict instructions that the party is fornthe youngest not him. So in that sense I'm contradicting myself.
However siblings are often at these parties but I suppose they could be friends, who knows.

OP posts:
WankersHacksandThieves · 26/02/2017 14:01

Why would the parent of an 11 year old who has organised a party for that age group want to be saddled with supervising a 6 year old even you are paying for his food.? It's a ridiculous idea. Or did you expect that your son would do that and therefore spoil his own enjoyment of the party?

I might be horrible, but I wouldn't be organising a special event for younger son - that's the way to raise a spoiled child. He just has to suck it up and find friends his own age.

Vanillamanilla1 · 26/02/2017 14:01

God no ! Don't do it Yabu
So what if you're sons are close . ITS NOT HIS PARTY
If the host wanted him there he would have had an invite

Original poster
ImmuneToWhatever · 26/02/2017 14:02

ssd not always! But at the moment he likes it because of the card trading thing they all have going.

OP posts:
ItWentInMyEye · 26/02/2017 14:02

YABU, but it seems like you've accepted the general consensus Smile Unless the younger child is invited I don't think it's fair to ask for them to be.

NotYoda · 26/02/2017 14:02

Your DS1 seems to already have to take a lot of responsibility for his little brother. I am sure he is a lovely lad who does not resent it, but maybe he does need some time for himself and his friends

Original poster
ImmuneToWhatever · 26/02/2017 14:03

For those who haven't RTFT I said half an hour ago that I wouldn't be taking him. Wink

Glad I asked though, perhaps I'd die of shame and embarrassment and pure cringe given the dramatic responses on here 😄
(Lighthearted)

OP posts:
ShowMePotatoSalad · 26/02/2017 14:04

tbf it is pretty cringy. Glad you're not going to do it.

Original poster
ImmuneToWhatever · 26/02/2017 14:04

Take responsibility for his brother! That's absolutely hilarious, thanks for the giggle. GrinGrinGrin

God love Mumsnet!

OP posts:
RainbowJack · 26/02/2017 14:05

My eldest would love to have him there

But it's not about your child(ren).

YABVU.

The host family have made their choices.

ChocolateCakeandSprinkles · 26/02/2017 14:06

pinkish I think self-centred is a little unfair. She's just asking. Jeez judgemental much!?

As the host child has chosen who he wants to invite then it would be bad etiquette to ask the host mother for your son to tag along as well.

Explain that to your younger why that is the case and maybe compensate him with a mother/son pokemon match!

MidnightVelvetthe7th · 26/02/2017 14:09

My 2 who are 7 and 11 would both love a Pokemon party!!! :)

I'd buy the youngest a pack of Pokemon cards so they can both trade with new cards with each other once the party is over.

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