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AIBU?

To ask the mother if my other son can attend the party as well?

99 replies

ImmuneToWhatever · 26/02/2017 13:28

Two boys 11 and 6, both equally obsessed with Pokemon cards. The youngest hangs out with the eldest at school with his friends to trade cards. It's nice because the age difference isn't apparent in cards of that sort.
Eldest has been invited to a 'Pokemon party'. Sounds ace. The youngest will be gutted he can't go.

I'm slightly tempted to offer her some money for the hassle and would she mind if the youngest joined too?

Or should I just tell him to suck it up and get over it as I usually do with them when one has a party and the other doesn't. After all, it's a common occurrence. It just so happens that this party happens to be about the latest obsession that includes friends that my youngest has grown close to.

OP posts:

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DarklyDreamingDexter · 27/02/2017 21:22

Glad you decided against it. Definitely not ok.

lorelairoryemily · 27/02/2017 12:12

My much younger sister went to school with a girl who had a sister a year younger, every single birthday party that the girl in dsis class was invited to their mother would bring both girls and leave them there for the party, every single time. Everyone hates her for it now. If you're not invited you don't go. Simple.

CaraAspen · 27/02/2017 01:14

How ridiculous you actually thought this would be okay.

rolls eyes

bumsexatthebingo · 27/02/2017 00:49

I know you've decided against op but I can't believe you thought this would be ok. You seem to have accepted that most people think it's a bad idea but not quite understand why.
The fact that your youngest likes Pokemon or your eldest would want him there don't feature here - it isn't their birthday. The birthday child has chosen not to invite your son so it would be very unfair and manipulative of you to try and corner the mother so she has to invite him.

ChampagneSocialist1 · 27/02/2017 00:38

I hate it when parents of invitees do this. As It's my dcs birthday party they get to invite who they want to be there. Of course your ds2 would love to come and your ds1 may also be fine with that but does the birthday child really want your ds2 there as well?
When you just see it from the prism of what your dcs want you are being self centred

llangennith · 27/02/2017 00:18

I do sympathise OP but glad you've made the right decision. I can understand you wanting the youngest not to miss something he'd enjoy but...he wasn't invited.

gingercoffee · 27/02/2017 00:12

I echo what's been said above. The party's for 11 year-olds. The party boy probably won't want a 6 year-old at his party, and the family probably put some thought into getting the 'guest-list' just right, and may have a maximum number of friends that their child was allowed to invite. You don't want to mess all of that up! And if they say yes to your child's sibling then what do they say when other parents ask if their younger child can also come? How many extra children might they end up with? It puts them in a very awkward position, I've been in this kind of situation, and it gets difficult to say no!

Lynnm63 · 26/02/2017 23:58

No, but do buy him something little Pokemon based in case eldest gets a Pokemon gift in his party bag

zen1 · 26/02/2017 22:48

Completely irrelevant to the thread, but my younger DS used to hang out with his older brother and friends at primary school as they had similar interests. When elder DS left, younger one had missed out on making friends with his peers and spent the last couple of years at primary school really miserable because his class had all established friendship groups by then and didn't want DS2 gate crashing their games. I wish I had encouraged him to play with his own year group too.

Nelllo · 26/02/2017 22:41

YABVU! I agree with most of the comments on here but also I think the most prominent issue is that your little chap needs to understand that he wasn't invited because it's a party for 11y olds and he's only 6!

Take him somewhere nice on the day so he's not kicking about feeling left out, make it a happy positive opportunity to do something fun with him rather than making a big deal about him being "left out".

KatyBerry · 26/02/2017 22:38

yep, and buy lunch for him although the mother did pay for his ticket. I was put in a position whereby I had to take him because even though I'd said no, she steamrollered onwards. More front than Brighton etc.

pilates · 26/02/2017 22:22

YABVU
No, of course you can't.

Elvisrocks · 26/02/2017 22:19

Katy not Katu

Elvisrocks · 26/02/2017 22:19

Katu - that's unbelievable! I assume you then had to look after her other child while at Chessington?
Obviously there are lots of time where I think it would be very convenient (for me) if my younger DD could go along to a party to which my older DD has been invited but I would never dream of asking the host. Well maybe my best friend but no one else.

KatyBerry · 26/02/2017 22:14

Someone did this to me over my son's party at Chessington World of Adventure$$$... I said no, because not enough space in the organised transport. She didn't accept that for an answer and drove her sons there and met us & then left / came back to collect. Meant that the invited son missed out on being with friends on the way there / home and was excruciatingly embarrassing with her not accepting my no.

MadMags · 26/02/2017 22:13

I know you realise how utterly insane you are, OP but I'm delighted we have a live one!

I always read threads on here where we ask who these entitled parents are and...here you are!

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 26/02/2017 22:08

icelollycraving · 26/02/2017 22:02

My advice would be no,the age gap is too big. However you've seen that pretty much everyone said no & you took the advice (is this really aubu,where's your stropping ).
It wouldn't be leaving an eleven year old but having you and ds there. The dynamic would be very different.

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 26/02/2017 21:56

I can't even believe anyone would consider being that cheeky! I'm also sure his 11 year old brother would be a bit pissed off (wether he admits it or not) to have his 6 year old brother cramping his style.

MongerTruffle · 26/02/2017 21:55

My eldest would love to have him there, they are really close.

He can't bear to not be with him for 3 hours max?

andontothenext · 26/02/2017 21:53

immune

im not trying to make it all about my child

Yeah you're trying to make it all about your children

He wasn't invited and that should be the end of it.

Put yourself in the position of the boy who's having the party...do you think he wants a 6 year old there?

I get your boys are close but this is just a no go

Amaried · 26/02/2017 21:48

Glad you've seen the light op... rude to ask, even more so
You other son might not mind but it's highly likely that the 11 year old birthday boy would want a six year old at his party

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MidniteScribbler · 26/02/2017 21:19

It sounds like the 11yo never gets any time without his younger brother and/or his mother coming along as well. Let the poor lad have some time away from them.

londonrach · 26/02/2017 17:23

Please dont. Think this though. Theres a huge age gap and its rude to ask. Yabu. Take youngest ds out instead.

Guitargirl · 26/02/2017 17:21

Glad you've taken on board all the comments OP. And I agree with pp who suggest asking your eldest all about it and then, if it's age appropriate, arrange something similar for when it's your youngest's birthday.

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