Page 4 | AIBU re alcohol

minisausage · 2017-02-26T00:29:35+00:00

My DH has drank 3 pints of lager and large red wine tonight. I think this is a lot considering the kids were up and I wasn't drinking. We had been driving last night. AIBU in thinking it's a lot?

Screwinthetuna · 26/02/2017 09:06

It's a lot if it's every night but I guess it isn't otherwise you'd have said in your post. I think you need to give him a break

Screwinthetuna · 26/02/2017 09:08

Just seen your update. Yes, if he drinks every night, he has a drinking problem. Have you noticed that he HAS to drink every evening, even if it's just one or two cans of beer? If he doesn't, is he irritable, etc? That's how it was with DH

dailystuck71 · 26/02/2017 09:11

Now you've said every night then yes possibly a lot but as an example, I had 3 beers watching the rugby yesterday afternoon. I also had a glass of wine with dinner. I don't have a drink problem and that wasn't a lot as it was between 2.30 and about 8 pm.

Craiconwithit · 26/02/2017 09:12

Yes, I think it is a lot, but my father was an alcoholic so I've never accepted this normalising of 'wine o'clock' and needing to drink some alcohol on a virtually daily basis.
I think it's a shame that your children will be growing up with that kind of role model, but it's up to you if you're happy to live with someone who values consuming quantities of alcohol above family responsibilities.

HerOtherHalf · 26/02/2017 09:14

It depends on a lot of factors. How frequently does he drink? How big is he? What effect does that amount of alcohol have on him? What was he doing or going to be doing that might have presented risks if he was impaired etc.

I had roughly the same amount last night as it happens - 3/4 bottle of wine and 3 beers. It was over the course of about 8 hours, I'm 6'3" and 16 stone, there were no kids in the house and I'm not driving today. I wasn't even tipsy, far less drunk.

Trifleorbust · 26/02/2017 09:45

We went out the night before so I could only manage a Diet Coke.

Why?

Trainspotting1984 · 26/02/2017 09:46

"but it's up to you if you're happy to live with someone who values consuming quantities of alcohol above family responsibilities."

Have I missed something? Why are posters saying he's not meeting his family responsibilities?

And, as I seem to say all the time on here- no one here can say whether your DH is an alcoholic or problem drinker. Don't pretend you can

EurusHolmesViolin · 26/02/2017 10:15

if only people got as outraged about their DH eating too many chips. Obesity, diet and inactivity causes many, many more problems in the uk than alcohol. From the journal of public health: "In 2006–07, poor diet-related ill health cost the NHS in the UK £5.8 billion. The cost of physical inactivity was £0.9 billion. Smoking cost was £3.3 billion, alcohol cost £3.3 billion, overweight and obesity cost £5.1 billion"

You say this as though alcohol isn't a contributory factor to being overweight and obese in many cases! I mean, that's a lot of empty calories OPs DH had last night. You do that often enough without a corresponding reduction in your calorie intake from other food and drink (because it would take a lot of exercise to burn that lot off) then you're going to pile it on.

OP based on what you're saying, his intake is quite high. As a one off this isn't astonishing, but he seems to have had a lot this week. Would benefit from a couple of days off, for a start.

Somehowsomewhere · 26/02/2017 11:02

it's up to you if you're happy to live with someone who values consuming quantities of alcohol above family responsibilities

Did OP say he was shirking his family responsibilities? My DH could easily manage to do both.

GrumpyOldBag · 26/02/2017 11:11

It's quite a lot of booze to drink regularly, but as many other posters have said, a lot depends on how it affects his behaviour. And his overall lifestyle, e.g. whether he is overweight.

Rugbyplayersarehot · 26/02/2017 11:15

My dh easily drinks this much at the weekend and so do I. Less in the week. We completely manage family responsibilities and life in general. Lots of hilarious judgy pearl clutching here.

myoriginal3 · 26/02/2017 11:20

I have often dribbled more down my front.

Thefitfatty · 26/02/2017 11:21

Plus there really aren't enough (any?) MNers who clutch their pearls and claim a glass of wine a night leads to cirrhosis to make that statement anything more than a defensive response.

Well in this thread someone as already claimed he's choosing alcohol over his family, which is a bit of a stretch, and another that he would be wasted at that amount, and of course another that it's an awful lot of "empty calories", etc etc.

I don't think it's defensive, I think it was a slightly exaggerated description of the types of responses you get on these threads.

EurusHolmesViolin · 26/02/2017 11:26

As the person who described alcohol as empty calories, which it absolutely is, I'd be interested to hear why you think there's even the slightest connection between that and the glass of wine a day leads to cirrhosis line?

EurusHolmesViolin · 26/02/2017 11:27

Although actually thinking about it, I suppose the red wine might not be given that there are some health benefits. The question stands, though. Let's hear the connection.

IamFriedSpam · 26/02/2017 11:39

It's normal but unhealthy. People seem to have a different attitude to alcohol than to being overweight. If someone's overweight people advise to look at their health etc etc. With alcohol it s=tends to be "well we all have to die sometime" etc etc.

Thefitfatty · 26/02/2017 11:40

As the person who described alcohol as empty calories, which it absolutely is, I'd be interested to hear why you think there's even the slightest connection between that and the glass of wine a day leads to cirrhosis line?

It's the concern trolling and pearl clutching that would make them connected. It comes across as judgemental.

CatsBatsEars · 26/02/2017 11:44

Once a week that's fine but drinking every night is too much, imo

Bluntness100 · 26/02/2017 11:47

Seems totally fine to me too and I certainly wouldn't consider him to have a drink problem.

As you know there is people at all stages of the spectrum, from the virtual tea total to the alcoholics, I'd say your husband is a moderate drinker at most.

EurusHolmesViolin · 26/02/2017 11:55

It's the concern trolling and pearl clutching that would make them connected. It comes across as judgemental.

How is it concern trolling? It was in response to a poster who was suggesting that being overweight and obese is a greater problem than alcohol. But the reality is that alcohol consumption is a cause of being overweight for many people. It certainly has been for me. There simply isn't the bright line between the two things that the poster concerned was attempting to draw. Some people have weight problems because of alcohol, not chips. That isn't judgemental, it's a fact.

Frankly, what happened there is that you were criticising people who you think are overreacting and yet did the same thing yourself. I suspect you probably also presumed I'm not a drinker, which is funny as although I don't have much these days, I'm actually about to embark on one of my rare boozy afternoons. And I'm under no illusions that it won't involve a lot of empty calories either...

Original poster

minisausage · 26/02/2017 12:03

I had a Diet Coke because I can't drink after I've had a night out. I had 2 wines and a couple GnTs Friday night. I put weight on easily so don't want to drink more and I also had a mild hangover. Just can't drink the next day

OP posts:

Skooba · 26/02/2017 13:21

After that amount you are not really up to engaging with anyone, DC or partner, so you are zoning out from your home life

Depends. Would be true for me in the case of that much alcohol, but for my DH? You wouldn't notice he'd had a drink

Well if the booze is havning no effect whatsoever on the person or their behaviour then why drink it. Why not find something else fizzy and pleasant to drink or drink alcohol free.

Why do you drink if it doesn't improve your mood, make you feel relaxed and laid back. If it does those things then that is not your normal mood and however on the ball you think you are you must be more spaced out than normal. So I think your relationships with those around you are different, Ok with adults - oh, so and so has had a drink or two, but for DCs -DF or DM is ignoring my bad behaviour, not listening to what I say - or whatever, The behaviour must be different which is not clearly explicable to DCs.

Trainspotting1984 · 26/02/2017 13:44

Skooba why are you so determined to assign theoretical behaviour to people you don't even know? How do you how am individuals behaviour changes when they drink? And who are you to demand justification for their drinking if their behaviour doesn't change?

Somehowsomewhere · 26/02/2017 13:45

Why do you drink if it doesn't improve your mood, make you feel relaxed and laid back. If it does those things then that is not your normal mood and however on the ball you think you are you must be more spaced out than normal. So I think your relationships with those around you are different, Ok with adults - oh, so and so has had a drink or two, but for DCs -DF or DM is ignoring my bad behaviour, not listening to what I say - or whatever, The behaviour must be different which is not clearly explicable to DC's

That's pretty tenous.
I drink wine because I like wine. I like the taste of it. I don't drink to get drunk. It relaxes me, but doesn't alter my personality.
Same with DH. He drinks beer because he likes beer. His personality certainly isn't altered by 3 pints. Again, he may feel more relaxed but his personality is the same.

Skooba · 26/02/2017 15:18

But judgement must be altered if no one is allowed to drink and drive. And that might change your personality - hence it is used in social settings, to loosen your tongue, relax you.
I'm sure there is alcohol free wine that tastes nice. Why drink something with alcohol in it if it has no effect on you. It's bad for your health after all, over time.