Child hit my baby

[esmaesmomma]

Today I visited a children's theme park with my friend, her 2 children (aged 3 & 9) and my DD aged 9 months.

The weather wasn't brilliant so we decided to take refuge in the "adventure zone" huge I side play area. My friends children ran off happily after having some lunch and my dd stated to get restless so I decided to take her over to the baby area which is for babies and toddlers under 5. I was sat with her in the ball pool and she was smiling and giggling and sat between my legs playing it was adorable she has a ball pool at home and she loves it.

There were a couple of other children in the area most were unsupervised but were all playing lovely together. 2 little girls came in when I say little this child was around 6 possibly 7 years old defiantly too old for that area not that it's some kind of law or anything. Anyway the older girl started messing around and bashed into my dd so I moved my daughter away and carried on playing the girl moved closer and started flicking the balls so they would hit my baby. I politely asked the little girl to stop and said there was plenty of room she needed sit so close to the baby she then looked me straight in the eye and reached out and hit my dd making her cry there was no warning she was going to do this. I was mortified I moved my daughter out of the ball pool and went back to the table where I spent the next 10 mins consoling her. I told my friend what happened then looked out for the little girl I finally managed to put the child to a parent so I went over to the mother and calmly explained what happened I had Dd in my arms the mother then said my daughter wouldn't of hit yours for no reason she must of done something to her first!

I'm not one of those "it's never my kids" kind of parent but my daughter is 9 months old and can't even crawl properly or talk she was just sat with me picking up the balls.

In the end the mother did say something to her daughter but it was pretty half assed like she was only mentioning it because she felt like she had to not because she thought what her daughter had done was wrong. AIBU to think this child should of known better and to feel deeply hurt by the whole thing its left me quite upset not nice to watch your child (esp a baby) being hit by another child. I'm kind of annoyed at the mother but it's not my place to say how she should parent her child.

Would anyone of done anything differently in terms of telling the child's mother/father?

Also the man the mother was with was very apologetic he was not the child's father.

She is a little shit to have looked right at you and hit your baby. I would have told her off right there and then went off to find her parents. Such blatant cheek at her age. One day she's going to try that on someone who wasn't as passive as you op and then she'll learn a lesson.

You don't sound over-anxious or over-protective. I would have been shaken by this even if it had happened to my fifth baby, and I would still have been mulling it over many hours later.

There is also a difference between siblings fighting with each other and a child older than three who is a complete stranger hitting a baby she has never met before in the face, and right in front of the mother too.

Sorry to hear this. All too common I'm afraid!
Not anything like your experience but I was in a busy waiting room in a hospital and a child was slamming the kids play area barn style door continually for about 10 minutes. The mother was on her phone across the room. The child was about 5 and taking great pleasure in the noise and almost trapping kids/ catching their fingers in the door. The whole waiting room was pissed off. It was an audiology clinic so people sitting their who are over sensitive to noise and vibrations were affected. The staff were extremely busy with patients so did not intervene. After one close call I held the door and politely asked the child to stop as she almost hurt the other child. Releaved smiles all round from people sitting and someone said "thank you". The child ran off to her parent and the next thing I have the mother screaming abuse at me. Everyone around me had seen what had happened but no one defended me. I actually got up and went up to the toilet to cry, I felt that abused.
Its the world today. Just no respect anywhere. I would have reported the ball pit incident to a member of staff, ask them to be removed and walk away. No point dealing with it yourself, you get nowhere.

I tell other people's children to stop if they're hurting others. If they want to get upset, they can parent their child more closely or teach them properly. We go to a play centre near us quite often and the manager has no problem asking parents of unruly children to leave if you report incidents.

Equally, if people see my DCs behaving badly and I don't spot it I'd be ok with them telling them off. It takes a whole village and all that. I think a lot of parents now forget that it's not actually causing a child harm to have an adult say "No, stop that right now!" to their precious darlings. When I was growing up if I was caught misbehaving by anyone other than my parents I'd still have expected a royal rollicking. When did that stop being acceptable?

In cases like this, I would also have a word with the manager of the soft play area. They have a responsibility towards ensuring a safe environment, and they would then have a word with the mum. If the child continued to behave this way and received multiple warnings from the management, they would not be welcome there in the future.

Of course you are right to be upset that your little one was hurt and obviously she couldn't have done anything to instigate it.

Can you say for sure you know the age of the child though? There is a child in my DC class who is 4 years old, but is in 8/9 clothes and looks of the same age. His parents are of average height, but he has looked years older since he was about 18 months. There is a play area in my local soft play aimed at under 5s, when I took my DC in at age 4 who played nicely and kept out of everyone's way and there was a lot of new mums moving their babies as far away as possible with dirty looks. I also have a 5 year old DN with autism who doesn't cope well in certain situations who lashes out when he feels threatened (a stranger perhaps raising voice/confrontational)

YANBU but I think sometimes people are quick to judge without knowing the full story.

YANBU but I think sometimes people are quick to judge without knowing the full story.

I they know the story, but it's more like they also have naughty DC and they'd behave like the mother of the girl.

It sounds like deliberate behaviour by the girl.
In which case what is wrong in that child's life that she would do such a thing for no reason. You should feel sorry for the girl as something is not right for her. And telling the DM was best as then the DM is alert for anything similar in the future.

You did the right thing. But it's unusual occurrence imv so don't let it put you off going out with your DD.

Even nicely brought up children can be nasty. Chastise and draw a line under it. I don't like labelling children when they are still learning right from wrong. OP well done for speaking to her mother and not just letting it go.

OP, just a thought. One thing I've learnt about telling off other children is avoid saying anything about them or anything too general or that could be construed as harsh. So not:

• you don't do that
• you shouldn't...
• that is wrong

Keep it to how their actions impact on you or make you feel

• I don't want you to do that
• please don't hurt her
• I don't like it when people hit me

Always found it very effective, and if there are shitty parents around its non-confrontational language because you're not telling off the other child as such, you're just establishing your own boundaries. Less aggravating. Also is good for children to pick up - no one likes a child who 'tells off' other kids (exaggeration I know but you get my gist) but it is super important for your child to learn how to confidently say 'I don't want that / to do that'.

One of my pet hates about soft play! My ds loves soft play, but is such a sensitive soul and you'll find so many children running pass pushing and shoving. He has had older children continuously throw balls in his face when he was a baby, and with no parents in sight I've had to insist they stop as it isn't kind. I don't go to soft play to parent other people's children, and most of them that are left unsupervised still need to be supervised!

I have been known to speak sternly to older children at the hell of soft play (I chucked some 7 or 8 year olds out of the under two area the other week because they were throwing the balls at the babies in there.) and no is didn't ask how old they were but they definitely weren't under 2! Many parents do not give a shit unfortunately. My friend's 4 year old daughter was bitten at soft play - it broke the skin - her dad spoke to the mother but she literally didn't care at all and told him to do one. I am very surprised he kept his temper. I wouldn't have.

Some parents only care if their child is hurt or upset. If they snatch, hit, push it's because they are sensitive and can't wait their turn, etc. Other parents have totally unrealistic expectations of children at play. There will be bumps and collisions which are accidental and no-one is at fault. It's a minefield.

Your poor baby. I think I would have removed her out of the way when the girl started pushing the boundaries.

Scabetty
I think somebody is definitely at fault in the situation described.

I did say upthread OP was totally correct in approaching parent.

Are you positive she was 6/7? I was a ridiculously tall child and was constantly getting mistaken for that age when I was 4. Not saying that makes it right, but it does put a slightly different slant on how awful the behavior was.

When my small thin ds was about 2 he was standing still in a soft play area, not blocking any activity, in nobody's way. A solidly built child of about 7-9 walked up to him and deliberately floored ds with one blow.

TBH I think that child (and the child who hit your dd) has some sort of personality disorder. It's not about SN. If the child had SN, the parent would be supervising- one of my dc does. Anyway SN doesn't equal violent. these kids who are allowed to attack babies and toddlers will grow up to be bullies and possibly commit crimes - I think it goes against ordinary human instincts to hit a baby. I'd be very worried if a dc of mine aged 7/8/9 hit a baby and would want to get them to a psychologist

OP that must have been really unpleasant and I'm very glad to hear your DD is ok.

I do find it depressing though that so many posters are quick to label a very young child as "a shit", "vile", "a brat" and having a "detachment disorder" (not even a thing by the way!) or "personality disorder" (at the age of six?? ) based on one person's interpretation of a single incident.

We know nothing about this child, her lived experience or the person she will grow up to become so I really don't get the hostility.

F1G1, I agree wrt personality disorder.

I laugh now. At the time I was mortified. Cheeky little madam is now almost 15 and a really lovely girl. You wouldn't know she had ever been such a violent child. In addition she was also the same child I have mentioned in previous out of control children threads, the one who had to be divested of bread knife which she was intending to use to practice knife throwing...at her brother and shut in a cupboard (actually a walk in wardrobe but cupboard sounds so much more dramatic) so that I could administer first aid to...guess who? Her brother, without her continuing to kick him. Looking back it's hilarious but honestly at the time I couldn't believe a child could be so angry and vicious. She would just find upsetting people funny and then get so angry when the other child fought back. Her parents described her as strong willed...

Yeah me too .Minding our own business and kid just takes a punch in my daughter's face. Very strange people.

I tell off other people's kids all the time.
For a start if it was the under 5s bit a day she's older I would have glared at her and told her she was too old to be in there.