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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child hit my baby

150 replies

esmaesmomma · 25/02/2017 21:33

Today I visited a children's theme park with my friend, her 2 children (aged 3 & 9) and my DD aged 9 months.

The weather wasn't brilliant so we decided to take refuge in the "adventure zone" huge I side play area. My friends children ran off happily after having some lunch and my dd stated to get restless so I decided to take her over to the baby area which is for babies and toddlers under 5. I was sat with her in the ball pool and she was smiling and giggling and sat between my legs playing it was adorable she has a ball pool at home and she loves it.

There were a couple of other children in the area most were unsupervised but were all playing lovely together. 2 little girls came in when I say little this child was around 6 possibly 7 years old defiantly too old for that area not that it's some kind of law or anything. Anyway the older girl started messing around and bashed into my dd so I moved my daughter away and carried on playing the girl moved closer and started flicking the balls so they would hit my baby. I politely asked the little girl to stop and said there was plenty of room she needed sit so close to the baby she then looked me straight in the eye and reached out and hit my dd making her cry there was no warning she was going to do this. I was mortified I moved my daughter out of the ball pool and went back to the table where I spent the next 10 mins consoling her. I told my friend what happened then looked out for the little girl I finally managed to put the child to a parent so I went over to the mother and calmly explained what happened I had Dd in my arms the mother then said my daughter wouldn't of hit yours for no reason she must of done something to her first!

I'm not one of those "it's never my kids" kind of parent but my daughter is 9 months old and can't even crawl properly or talk she was just sat with me picking up the balls.

In the end the mother did say something to her daughter but it was pretty half assed like she was only mentioning it because she felt like she had to not because she thought what her daughter had done was wrong. AIBU to think this child should of known better and to feel deeply hurt by the whole thing its left me quite upset not nice to watch your child (esp a baby) being hit by another child. I'm kind of annoyed at the mother but it's not my place to say how she should parent her child.

Would anyone of done anything differently in terms of telling the child's mother/father?

Also the man the mother was with was very apologetic he was not the child's father.

OP posts:
Original poster
esmaesmomma · 26/02/2017 00:47

??? I don't think it mattered who he was he was with her and he apologised she didn't. She was the mother he made it clear he wasn't the father but still apologised the point I'm making is even her husband/boyfriend/friend/uncle/cousin/dad or whatever saw it wasn't acceptable but she couldn't.

OP posts:
Original poster
esmaesmomma · 26/02/2017 00:49

Oh my god seriously? And you talk about 12 year olds on the post? You're being pedantic and pretty childish to be honest.

It's pretty clear cut what went on why are you trying to invent a side story? Not enough going on in your own life? Or maybe too much? do you need to talk?

OP posts:
multivac · 26/02/2017 00:50

Okeydoke. You've got five pages of people saying the mother is a cow, the kid is a shit, your baby is adorable, and you're a super parent with extraordinary powers of self-restraint. I don't suppose me pointing out that you sound overly anxious, and that I remember feeling like that myself with small babies, but realising later that it wasn't especially helpful, will be of much interest to you. 'Night.

Original poster
esmaesmomma · 26/02/2017 00:56

But you could just say those things without embarrassing yourself and coming across as actually quite spiteful. You came here to patronise a new mum who was asking advice. I take on your points about being anxious and yes maybe I am not going to spoken to in such a rude way. If you want to cause arguments then do that elsewhere im not interested in arguing with anyone.. I think as adults it's reasonable to expect a decent discussion which is what we have had until you started posting. Night.

OP posts:
Original poster
esmaesmomma · 26/02/2017 00:58

Also you were not just pointing out that I may be anxious which by the way is absolutely fine, you then started questioning how I knew the man wasn't the child's father and how I knew how many kids they had. If that isn't picking a row I don't know what is.

OP posts:
multivac · 26/02/2017 00:59

I assure you, I am not embarrassed. But thanks for the concern. By 'decent discussion', do you mean 'lots of people telling me I'm fab'?

glitterazi · 26/02/2017 00:59

Also the man the mother was with was very apologetic he was not the child's father
Am fascinated, too, as to how this came up in general conversation.

Must admit, I read that and thought " how would you even know who the Dad was?

It came up because when I approached them i asked if the girl was their daughter. The man responded first and said yes hers.

That makes sense though. Even though not a kind sense as he's distancing himself from them if he is part of the family. Sad
Also, from all the replies I've read, are you all just parents of babies and toddlers? As 6 and 7 year olds are still so small too and need reminding and are still learning too.

multivac · 26/02/2017 01:01

Or by 'decent discussion' do you mean another poster describing the child that hit yours as "a shit"? Or the one who said her mother sounds like "a bitch"? Are those things ok?

Original poster
esmaesmomma · 26/02/2017 01:05

Your org comment was an attack on me though not the other posters I haven't once said anything of the sort about that child or intact the mother. I have explained my reasons for staying calm in the situation.

You didn't like how the thread was going so you chose to attack me and pick my post apart. You could of made your point in a much nicer way it would of been better received.

OP posts:
Original poster
esmaesmomma · 26/02/2017 01:06

Infact* you'll have to excise the typos on a iPhone and the touch screen is going

OP posts:
Original poster
esmaesmomma · 26/02/2017 01:08

Hi glitter the man didn't seem like he was distancing himself he was apologetic and friendly but even afterwards he didn't seem off with the child or the woman I get what you mean though.

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Original poster
esmaesmomma · 26/02/2017 01:09

And yes of course ALL children need to be reminded once in a while but I have never seen a child over the age of 3 act this way towards a baby. I feel a child as old as 5 should not have to be told hitting a baby is wrong.

OP posts:
SpareASquare · 26/02/2017 01:12

I would have said something to the child, removed mine and it would have been forgotten 10 mins later. The idea of a day full of hugs and kisses and anxiety because of that incident is not a great sign tbh. Honestly, OP, you really are not doing yourself or your dd any favours carrying on like that and blowing it so far out of proportion is a little worrying.

multivac · 26/02/2017 01:14

I choose to think of it as engaging with you, not 'attacking'. It's interesting to me that you pick me up on what you see as 'rudeness' towards you; but ignore the people being quite astonishingly unpleasant towards the other players in your drama.

Your precious* baby will be five one day. You might realise then just how tiny that still is; although I get that preschoolers probably look enormous to you right now Smile

SandyY2K · 26/02/2017 01:15

Actually I would have had serious words with the child and the mother.

I did once when a boy pinched my DD at a party for no reason.

She was 5 yo at the time. I asked him why he did it. He said he didn't know why. I asked if my DD hurt him first and he said no. So I told him it wasn't nice of him and to apologise to my DD and to never touch MY her again and if he did pinch or hit her again, I'd pinch him and see how he liked it.

A few other mums came over to say about time someone told him to behave. His mum is so weak and feeble, she just smiles while he messes about.

I then went over to his mum and told her what happened and what I told him. She apologised. He was and still is (at 14) a naughty child, so I didn't care how she took it TBH.

He was always in trouble in primary school and nothing has changed since.

Defensive parents do annoy me, especially when they knew damn well their kids are naughty.

What on earth could your 9 month old have done to her.

Original poster
esmaesmomma · 26/02/2017 01:16

I don't think I am blowing anything out of proportion I watched my 9 month old baby who is completely defenceless get deliberately hit today by a child who was old enough to know better. A child that actually went out of her way to hit her. If I want to hug and kiss my daughter or spoil her with cuddles after something like that I can do it's not worrying at all. Fair enough if it had been an accidental bump but it wasn't.

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Original poster
esmaesmomma · 26/02/2017 01:20

Multi I do think we have got off on the wrong foot. Preschoolers do look massive but don't forget I had a 3 year old with me also. This child was over 5 years old that I can say for certain. She knew full well what she did was wrong even my friend saw her reaction when I was speaking to her mother. Before I knew who the mother was that girl kept staring at me she only went back to her mother when she thought I wasn't looking.

OP posts:
multivac · 26/02/2017 01:25

Even if she 'knew full well' it was wrong, that doesn't mean she had the necessary control of her impulses not to have done it in the first place; my 12-year-olds 'know it's wrong' to swipe and swear at each other - but they are still developing the skills they need to cope with difficult situations (like, for example, a strange woman effectively telling them off for playing in a ball pool). I don't really think demonising them, or their parents, is particularly helpful; and a thread like this just enables that kind of narrative.

Original poster
esmaesmomma · 26/02/2017 01:28

So are you saying if your 12 year old hit a baby then that's okay because they are still developing? Okay then.

She wasn't told off for playing in the ball pool she was told off when I realised she was deliberately trying to hurt my daughter.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 26/02/2017 01:28

Why the rudeness from Multi.
I don't believe the OP is overly anxious at all.

Some parents are bloody useless with keeping their kids in line.

At that age... 6...I knew such behaviour was wrong...I also knew I'd get into trouble for it. From the attitude of the mother, its no surprise the child behaves as she does.

SandyY2K · 26/02/2017 01:31

She wasn't told off for playing in the ball pool she was told off when I realised she was deliberately trying to hurt my daughter.

The poster obviously missed this point.

Original poster
esmaesmomma · 26/02/2017 01:31

Sandy, just ignore her it's like talking to a brick wall. Maybe she will let her kids hit a baby and perhaps the mother of that baby won't be as nice as I am and when she tries the "my kids are developing" that mother will simply just punch her in the face..

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Original poster
esmaesmomma · 26/02/2017 01:32

Oh yes she was way off the mark. I remember my first glass of wine too!

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SandyY2K · 26/02/2017 01:44

I have little tolerance for parents who fail to act as they should in such situations, when it impacts on my children.

These are the kind of kids who continuously cause trouble and hurt other kids at school. I've seen it time and again.

I know someone who has twin boys. Both have always been naughty. I saw it myself when I used to help out in the school.

In secondary school, they were 'advised' to go to another school because of their behaviour, yet their mum who doesn't know that I know the truth, says the school wasn't challenging enough for them. She's forever in denial about them.

I would have gone one further and asked her to take me to her mum straight away (once I made sure my child was okay), because if any of my children did what she did, I'd want to know straight away and they'd be punished for it too.

If you don't teach your children what's acceptable and they don't receive any consequences for misbehaving, how will they ever learn.

angeldelightedme · 26/02/2017 04:08

With a lot of other children vying for her mother's attention, I guess this is the way the little girl get herself noticed.when I was a similar age I had 3 younger siblings. I didn't hurt them because I loved them but I kind of displaced my jealousy onto other younger children and would sometimes be mnean to them.

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