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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child hit my baby

150 replies

esmaesmomma · 25/02/2017 21:33

Today I visited a children's theme park with my friend, her 2 children (aged 3 & 9) and my DD aged 9 months.

The weather wasn't brilliant so we decided to take refuge in the "adventure zone" huge I side play area. My friends children ran off happily after having some lunch and my dd stated to get restless so I decided to take her over to the baby area which is for babies and toddlers under 5. I was sat with her in the ball pool and she was smiling and giggling and sat between my legs playing it was adorable she has a ball pool at home and she loves it.

There were a couple of other children in the area most were unsupervised but were all playing lovely together. 2 little girls came in when I say little this child was around 6 possibly 7 years old defiantly too old for that area not that it's some kind of law or anything. Anyway the older girl started messing around and bashed into my dd so I moved my daughter away and carried on playing the girl moved closer and started flicking the balls so they would hit my baby. I politely asked the little girl to stop and said there was plenty of room she needed sit so close to the baby she then looked me straight in the eye and reached out and hit my dd making her cry there was no warning she was going to do this. I was mortified I moved my daughter out of the ball pool and went back to the table where I spent the next 10 mins consoling her. I told my friend what happened then looked out for the little girl I finally managed to put the child to a parent so I went over to the mother and calmly explained what happened I had Dd in my arms the mother then said my daughter wouldn't of hit yours for no reason she must of done something to her first!

I'm not one of those "it's never my kids" kind of parent but my daughter is 9 months old and can't even crawl properly or talk she was just sat with me picking up the balls.

In the end the mother did say something to her daughter but it was pretty half assed like she was only mentioning it because she felt like she had to not because she thought what her daughter had done was wrong. AIBU to think this child should of known better and to feel deeply hurt by the whole thing its left me quite upset not nice to watch your child (esp a baby) being hit by another child. I'm kind of annoyed at the mother but it's not my place to say how she should parent her child.

Would anyone of done anything differently in terms of telling the child's mother/father?

Also the man the mother was with was very apologetic he was not the child's father.

OP posts:
Original poster
esmaesmomma · 25/02/2017 23:29

Of course I was angry I felt a lot of things didn't help there was another adult watching which made me feel very on the spot she was sort of looking to see what i would do
Next (this person was nothing to do with the child) but if I had to say I felt mortified, angry, upset, disgusted and useless all at once.

OP posts:
Jenniferb21 · 25/02/2017 23:31

I think you were confident in finding her mum well done some might have been not confident enough to even do that. Remember some parents are not going to have the same values and opinions as you, some parents abuse and neglet children. I'm not saying that's the case here but what I'm saying is i think you did the right thing in confronting her regardless of her reaction. It ensured she is aware it is not seen as 'normal' and ok by others. I've had a very similar situation where a little boy (probably about 6-7) jumped in to an under 3 ball pit and I luckily saw it quickly now enough to move my 8 month old DS. I dread to think how much he could have hurt him as he ran and jumped. His dad just said 'sorry' and said very gently to him 'there's babies in here play somewhere else' this really shocked me. I stared at him and acknowledged what he said but made it clear I wasn't happy at all.

I think when it comes to your own children, you have to not worry about what others think of you and even if that oblivious mother couldn't understand that it was obvious a 9 month old wasn't to blame here, you confronting her should've at least made her think about it. You never know she could have reflected on it more later and confronted her child again/ differently.

I imagine you'll be even more cautious at such places now (if that's even possible) on Monday I was at a party with DS and he was crawling around in the play area and a woman on her phone nearly stood on him. I pushed her out the way in time. She looked at me in shock but then realised and said sorry. She could've crushed his fingers!

Xx

AbernathysFringe · 25/02/2017 23:35

MN. Parent feels emotions for their kid when something shit happens - inevitably one person tells her to toughen up and stop having emotions - parent apologises for not being a cold blooded bitch. Hmm

Don't apologise OP. I would have been a lot fiercer to the child and her mother and would have been extra loving to my baby too.

Original poster
esmaesmomma · 25/02/2017 23:36

Hi Jennifer thanks for replying on here. That sounds terrible I know kids are kids they don't think do they and I'm sure our little ones will do stuff that we will not be happy with as they grow and learn. I know parents are not all the same I don't know what I was expecting the mother to do but I defiantly was expecting her to be told how wrong it was I wasn't out to ruin anyone's day but she wasn't even told to stay out of the babies area. Such a shame little ones should be able to enjoy these places and be safe xx

OP posts:
steff13 · 25/02/2017 23:36

Ok, so obviously you don't hit children, but I'd have wanted to slap her if she hit my baby. I'd have told her off and her mom, too.

Jenniferb21 · 25/02/2017 23:39

Btw wtf someone saying you were dramatic or over the top in any way? Dramatic would've been to of hit the child back yourself. Anything less I wouldn't say is dramatic here at all.

What could possibly be more important than protecting the health and safety of your baby. If I was a witness to this and saw a mother of the baby who was hurt shrug it off i would think they were not a responsible parent.

Original poster
esmaesmomma · 25/02/2017 23:43

I did approach the mother respectfully because all children can do things from time to time no matter what their upbringing if my daughter ever did this I would be very quick to to try and rectify the situation and I would adequately discipline dd but I would hope the parents wouldn't come at me all guns blazing and just have a calm conversation. If I didn't get anywhere by being calm and dignified with the mother I certainly wasn't going to get anywhere by shouting and I didn't want to upset my friends children or scare any other little ones who were around the place was packed today.

It is a horrible situation to be in I remember seeing things between parents unfold before having any children of my own and I always remember how awkward I have felt watching it esp when it's handled badly.

OP posts:
Jenniferb21 · 25/02/2017 23:43

Yes OP don't get me wrong if my DS had of been intentionally hit by a child I would have 100% found their parent and did what you did. What a shame that child thinks that aggression is acceptable, if they are acting like that in public what the hec is going on behind closed doors.

Jenniferb21 · 25/02/2017 23:46

Yeh and if you'd of been aggressive it would almost be a 2 wrongs don't make a right situation.

Addressing the parent calmly is key I think you did everything I would like to think I would do in that situation x

haveacupoftea · 25/02/2017 23:47

She's a little shit and her mums a cow. But you need to calm down, your baby wont have any lasting ill effects or be traumatised for life or anything.

Original poster
esmaesmomma · 25/02/2017 23:48

It was odd because the mother appeared to have a few other children who I had noticed throughout the time there (I didn't realise they were her children before hand) and they were beautifully behaved all playing nicely, waiting their turn and helping other children (hand holding, helping them out of ball pools)

This one child seemed very angry bough very aggressive manner sort of barging around, shoving and pushing.

Shame because she was a very cute looking
Kid. She was well presented.. it was surreal I really didn't expect it at all x

OP posts:
multivac · 26/02/2017 00:07

I love the way that posters on here are a) always able accurately to judge the age of a child they've never met before ('no, no, she wasn't a tall five-year-old; she was definitely six. Probably seven, actually. Or nine, maybe?') and b) always sooooo 'calm' and 'polite' when dealing with a situation that might lead lesser mortals to be, well, a bit unreasonable.

Added to the way that other posters are happy to call a child they don't know "a shit", or similar, I generally end up hoping that actually, this is simply a thread full of 12-year-olds mucking about. Not actual grown ups, in charge of raising children.

Original poster
esmaesmomma · 26/02/2017 00:13

Hi multi, that's for your reply. I can only assume the child's age she was much older then the other children in that area I cannot say exactly how old but judging by her mannerisms, the way she spoke and she did seem very independent I drew the conclusion she should know better.

Also I wasn't calm because I really wanted to be or because I am better then anyone just didn't see where showing myself up would get me I haven't been in this situation before I wasn't really sure what to do if I'm honest I wanted to scream at the child but I had to weigh it up.

Just wanted to know what everyone else would of done x

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 26/02/2017 00:14

That's really worrying behaviour and the Mum was shit,she should have checked your baby was okay apologised and told her Daughter of and made her say sorry as well.

I hope your little girl is okay she sounds adorable.

Original poster
esmaesmomma · 26/02/2017 00:15

She is adorable I know I'm biased lol. No apology nothing my little one was okay after once she had calmed down x

OP posts:
Original poster
esmaesmomma · 26/02/2017 00:16

Thanks*

OP posts:
multivac · 26/02/2017 00:23

You seem to have spent a lot of time observing this family (although not enough to have counted exactly how many children the mother had, obviously). I'm so glad your nine-month-old seems to be relatively untraumatised by the whole thing. You, on the other hand, remind me of me when I was a sleep-deprived mother of newborns.

Morphene · 26/02/2017 00:25

apologies for armchair diagnosis, but you mentioned feeling helpless and how that seems to have left you feeling bad several hours later.

Do you think you might have some unresolved problems due to the traumatic birth you experienced?

Very little can make you feel more powerless than a traumatic birth. I wonder if this event triggered some bad memories for you?

If so, it might be worth exploring some talking therapy.

multivac · 26/02/2017 00:28

Also the man the mother was with was very apologetic he was not the child's father

Am fascinated, too, as to how this came up in general conversation.

Original poster
esmaesmomma · 26/02/2017 00:30

I don't think it's unresolved issues i just think I am very protective of my daughter who I fought so hard for. I spend weeks in hospital ill to keep her in my body so she could develop until a safe gestation and I don't want some kid just coming along and hitting her when she is little and defenceless and was doing nothing other then sitting and enjoying the ball pool in the manner it was intended for.

I appreciate your input but I don't think I need talking therapy I'm at peace with my own experiences and in the end I won and I have my precious girl.

OP posts:
Original poster
esmaesmomma · 26/02/2017 00:34

Multi you are like a dog with bone.

It came up because when I approached them i asked if the girl was their daughter. The man responded first and said yes hers.

Also I couldn't be sure because if her daughter wasn't his then I wasn't sure if all of the children were hers.

Not that this is important but clearly I have to explain every last detail this man was of colour and so were some of the children so I didn't assume all of them where her kids nor did I assume they wasn't.

Apologies if that's not the PC term I honestly mean no offence at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
esmaesmomma · 26/02/2017 00:39

I'm also not assuming they were in a romantic relationship with one another they could of just been friends having a day out with all of the kids.

Why does that even matter anyway? Multi if you are here just trying to pick apart the post please do it elsewhere it's not a post that warrants any type of argument nobody here is interested in arguing with you.

OP posts:
UnbornMortificado · 26/02/2017 00:40

Esmae that's awful. FWIW if either of my DD's did that to a young baby I would be extremely angry with them.

Pleased your DD's recovered.

multivac · 26/02/2017 00:44

It came up because when I approached them i asked if the girl was their daughter. The man responded first and said yes hers.

Yes, that definitely sounds like a normal response. I'm very glad that you added the detail that she was with a man who wasn't the father of one of her children - although possibly the father of some of her other, unspecified number of children. Makes it all a lot clearer.

multivac · 26/02/2017 00:45

Multi if you are here just trying to pick apart the post please do it elsewhere

In fairness, that's not practical, is it?

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