I want to tell her to fuck off

[oldjacksscrote]

Sorry it's long and boring.

We're seeing the pil tomorrow morning, OH has just spoken to mil on the phone, mentioned we were having difficulty finding a car seat to fit the new car (looking for rear facing but struggling to find any compatible) made the mistake of mentioning some of the European countries car seat laws and how good they were, this resulted in an almighty rant about how it didn't matter because we were coming out of the EU and that "they're all crap with their kids any way and England has the best safety" she went on for a while and my partner just made his excuse to end the call.

When we see MIL tomorrow I'm going to have to deal with the same conversation, which will infuriate me, she's shouty and talks over me all the time, how do I not tell her to fuck off??!

I've had a difficult relationship with pil, we were nc for a while but have all been making the effort lately for the sake of OH and our dc.

Our car wasn't listed on the Joie website either, so we went to John Lewis and they tried it out for us. Fits beautifully.

Not even going to go there with the MiL, because bloody hell.... what a cockwomble she sounds!

Don't do it.

I had a horrible email rant with my sister.

I called her a lazy fat pig for being unemployed for a year.

Now she isn't speaking to me. I am so cross with myself.

I don't see what is to be gained from telling her to fuck off. I would just zone out and let her rant. If she notices that you're barely listening, she might just shut up anyway.

SherbrookeFosterer not surprised but you can fight to get her back x

'they're all crap with their kids any way!' LOL!! ... good luck! :)

Oldjack Good you handled it well. I've not read all the thread but I did try to check out your comments.

No need to engage about car seat, car, breast feeding or anything contravention go for nice simple topics.

In future too remember a conversation is two way, if you do not respond she is engaging in a monologue and you can walk off.

If in future "she's shouty and talks over me all the time," so you say, MIL can you talk a bit quieter baby is trying to get to sleep, or I have a headache or 'I must pop to the loo.'

Pop to loo, check phone for fun messages, return.... "Really, MIL are you still talking about that*!!

"how do I not tell her to fuck off??!" You do not! You show her by your graceful ways how to talk with others for interest and you show her she is no match for you with her shouty ways.

Just don't turn up tomorrow. And when she rings up to ask why, just tell her that you have had enough of her bigotry, that you recognise her entitlement to see her grandchildren and that you will come to visit her when she promises not to inflict any more fuckwitted political rants on you.

Best way to deal with people who think to prove themselves right is to talk over you and be loud is to sit listen act like you are taking it all in then when a moment of silence hits just calmly say. Well no I don't agree with that at all or well I'm just gonna do it my way. It proper pisses them off I've found if you try and argue it out they will just get louder and I get quite a lot of satisfaction seeing the rage when I do it to people who are very rude

No in law advice afraid as I only have one and hardly ever see him!

But I've just bought a Joie Steadi for our car as we wanted to do ERF but small old car without ISOFIX seriously limited our options. The Joie Stages wouldn't fit (on seat plus seatbelt wasn't long enough) but the Steadi has different belt routing so works fine. It cost £100 and does up to age four.

Try to find a similar car on the lists maybe?
Our previous one wasn't on most of the lists :-/ - not a popular model I guess. But we managed to get a BeSafe and an Axkid just fine. Try to speak to Securatot - they're very knowledgeable and helpful.

Thank you for all the advice for car seats too, it's given me a few more options. I've sent a few emails and joined a few forums, it's the Dacia Logan we're getting, I don't think it's been around for that long.

I think you're not the first person to have difficulty with in-laws; not the first not to be able to talk politics with family, either!

However, I think your OH really rather needs to step up and take responsibility for you and his family. There's absolutely no excuse for his permitting his partner being insulted by his parents like this. I think you can fully expect him to explain to his mother and/or father that you are entitled to be treated with courtesy and civility at all times.

If she talked over me and insulted me, I would withdraw from all visits and require him to make the effort to take the children over to see them. I think that might put him more in the frame of mind to decide where his loyalties lie.

Good luck with it!

" I think you can fully expect him to explain to his mother and/or father that you are entitled to be treated with courtesy and civility at all times"

^ This

Oh dear - sounds familiar. I am afraid I am prone to fanning the flames by making facetious comments about daily mail readers. Always ends up in a rather 'robust discussion'. Gets a bit tedious really after 20 years.

Calmly ask 'what facts do you have to back it up?' Racist idiots do not like engaging with rational people who force them to use their brains. Watch her squirm and she will think twice to open her mouth because you will ask her 'facts' again.

Have fun by filming her on your phone and then playing it back to her when she's calm. Say things like 'I don't know how this got on my phone but look at you mil......aren't you the silly little girl having a tantrum!' Then turn to everyone in the room to show them.

MIL sounds a nightmare!

Another vote for In Car Safety Centre. I would NOT trust Mothercare, Halfords or even the usually trusty John Lewis to know what they're doing with ERF seats.

The Dacia is a relatively new make of car (for the UK) so wouldn't be surprised to see that not many car seats are 'compatible'. In reality the majority will be. Look for ISOFIX or failing that any that can be done with a seatbelt only should be fine