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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I want to tell her to fuck off

118 replies

oldjacksscrote · 25/02/2017 19:04

Sorry it's long and boring.

We're seeing the pil tomorrow morning, OH has just spoken to mil on the phone, mentioned we were having difficulty finding a car seat to fit the new car (looking for rear facing but struggling to find any compatible) made the mistake of mentioning some of the European countries car seat laws and how good they were, this resulted in an almighty rant about how it didn't matter because we were coming out of the EU and that "they're all crap with their kids any way and England has the best safety" she went on for a while and my partner just made his excuse to end the call.

When we see MIL tomorrow I'm going to have to deal with the same conversation, which will infuriate me, she's shouty and talks over me all the time, how do I not tell her to fuck off??!

I've had a difficult relationship with pil, we were nc for a while but have all been making the effort lately for the sake of OH and our dc.

OP posts:
DJBaggySmalls · 25/02/2017 20:36

Say 'Right you are, so'. To yourself pretend you are saying 'right you arsehole'.

Olympiathequeen · 25/02/2017 20:41

We have the besafe Izi combi but it's eye wateringly expensive. Used on 2 children though so no so expensive in the long run. Just need a 4 year gap in kids!

frumpet · 25/02/2017 20:43

mylong one of those videos mentions the protection that rear facing gives in frontal accidents , but doesn't mention rear shunts , the only type of accident I have ever had , where someone drives into the back of you ? Do they offer the same level of protection in these cases too ? Not looking for an argument , just curious .

OP , I don't understand the need to mention Europe in your discussion about child seats ? We are in Europe , all our car seats are regulated to a minimum safety standard . You choose to purchase a car seat that purports to be even safer in certain circunstances and that is personal choice. If you know your MIL is a flag flying Brexiteer , why bother mentioning it ?

HappyFlappy · 25/02/2017 20:45

Baggysmalls

Grin

That is class!

Anniegetyourgun · 25/02/2017 20:49

It was the OH who mentioned European car seat regulations, wasn't it? If I'm reading the OP right.

GoodDayToYou · 25/02/2017 20:50

Here are some good replies - rinse & repeat:

Wow
Oh really?
Well, we're all different!
It's a tricky one, isn't it?
MN tinkly laugh
Singing to yourself: "The sun'll come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar... Etc"

(That last one is probably for experienced users only!)

You just need to find ways to detach. Or go NC again.

fruitlovingmonkey · 25/02/2017 20:54

Tell her to fuck off...in German.

EweAreHere · 25/02/2017 20:56

Do you have to visit her? Can you not just your partner and the DCs for a few hours?

DrSeuss · 25/02/2017 21:02

Smile, laugh, shake your head and say, "Oh MIL! You're so funny! I love telling all my friends about my visits, they laugh and laugh!"

Fuxfurforall · 25/02/2017 21:09

Good advice upthread about taking two to have a disagreement. I would smile everso sweetly, say fuck all in response and leave her vile racist comments and unnecessary put downs hanging for all to see for them selves.

You may have to grit your teeth but It is so worth it in the end.

blackcherries · 25/02/2017 21:23

I disagree. If someone talks over me constantly then they don't deserve my time. Don't go. Life's too short.

Original poster
oldjacksscrote · 25/02/2017 21:34

OH has just said to me "I think mum's going to piss us off tomorrow".

Thank you for all the helpful replies.
I now have a list of new coping methods to put into practice, ive started needle felting recently so perhaps I could start vigerously stabbing my latest project and singing when she starts.

It was OH who was trying, in his own way, to explain to MIL why we wanted a rear facing car seat and how they have been shown to be safer and aren't as commonly used in the U.K. Beyond age 1. She couldn't understand why we couldn't just use a booster seat.

We dont get our new car until the end of March, went to buy new car seats for 3yo and 1yo today and hadn't thought about comparability until sales assistant in MC said our car wasn't compatible with the ones we were looking at. We have now contacted the manufacturers.
funds are really tight at the moment so as much as I'd love to get something swish we're really limited as to what we can afford.

harley MIL hates that I still bf my 1yo, she's always letting me know that he doesn't need it any more.

OP posts:
GoodDayToYou · 25/02/2017 21:46

(Ah, I can't seen to copy your text.)

That breastfeeding comment would get to me too. It sounds critical and would wear thin. If she says it again, how about you reply with something v straight like, "I don't agree." It's actually quite a gentle reply as the mind hears 'agree' more than 'don't' but it will get your point across.

Batteriesallgone · 25/02/2017 21:51

'Doesn't need it anymore' how tiresome. Does she drink tea? No one needs tea, right? It's not a basic need like water. So she doesn't need it so she could just stop drinking it, right? Or maybe she likes tea and it's got fuck all to do with you what she drinks?

Original poster
oldjacksscrote · 25/02/2017 22:06

Loving the tea rant Grin

OP posts:
scaryteacher · 25/02/2017 22:15

Living in Belgium and regularly seeing small kids standing between the seats in the rear of the car, or held on their Mums lap in the front seat, or just in cars without seatbelts or car seats, your MIL does have a point!

I have a French friend who was most put out that I refused to have her kids in my car without a car seat, as 'it's just a short journey, it doesn't matter!' She didn't get to go shopping, as I wasn't driving without the kids in a car seat, given the craziness of the driving here.

Original poster
oldjacksscrote · 25/02/2017 22:44

Ah, Perhaps it's the Scandinavians specifically I was reading about? The whole subject is a total mine field, I've read so many articles over the past few days, It feels impossible to get it right.
Regardless, its different to how she did things so therefore it's wrong.

OP posts:
ElvishArchdruid · 25/02/2017 22:51

Mutter under your breath it's best not to believe everything you read in the Daily Mail.

Elderlyelna · 25/02/2017 22:59

I'm useless with in-laws, but carseat wise, are you near an In Car Safety Centre? I don't think the carseat techs in MC know their elbow from their proverbial.
The Britax two way elite is worth a look, and if you remortgage your children the axkid minikid is very versatile and will last you years and years if not massive kidd

frumpet · 26/02/2017 07:44

Sorry OP , I realise now it was infact your OH who mentioned Europe !

A line I used to use a lot when working behind a bar and having to listen to a variety of rants was ' You may be right ' said with an understanding smile .
It sounds like you are agreeing , but what you are really saying is 'you are only right if I have been kidnapped by aliens and currently living in a parallel universe ' Smile

petalsandstars · 26/02/2017 07:54

In car safety centre are good. Have you tried the britax 2way elite?

flumpybear · 26/02/2017 07:55

Rather than getting upset with your husband or letting affect you, just have a laugh at her and keep us updated too .... we can snigger with you!shes just a fool ... doesn't reflect on you or your OH Cake

LouKout · 26/02/2017 07:57

I wonder which paper she reads

scaryteacher · 26/02/2017 08:29

Old I think the Scandinavians are hot on it, but when I first moved to Belgium in 2006 I was Shock at the amount of parents who didn't use car seats, and in just over a decade, it hasn't improved. You see toddlers sitting on their Mum's lap at traffic lights, or kids standing between back seats on motorways. It scared me shitless when I first moved here, and it still does now.

Lynnm63 · 26/02/2017 17:25

Tell her to fuck off. Not a MIL but an annoying neighbour both sides were very posh and had lived there for ever. We were new and young, they ganged up on me so I usually did what they wanted and avoided them the rest of the time. We were moving out and I was directing my friend who was reversing the van down my long drive. She came out moaning about hitting the hedge. I lost it I told her it was my fucking hedge until 2pm and to fuck off in as I was busy. Amazingly she did and I wished I'd told her to fuck off the day I moved in rather than the day I moved out.
I'm my defence I was early 20's and very shy not the harridan you see here on MN