I want to tell her to fuck off

[oldjacksscrote]

Sorry it's long and boring.

We're seeing the pil tomorrow morning, OH has just spoken to mil on the phone, mentioned we were having difficulty finding a car seat to fit the new car (looking for rear facing but struggling to find any compatible) made the mistake of mentioning some of the European countries car seat laws and how good they were, this resulted in an almighty rant about how it didn't matter because we were coming out of the EU and that "they're all crap with their kids any way and England has the best safety" she went on for a while and my partner just made his excuse to end the call.

When we see MIL tomorrow I'm going to have to deal with the same conversation, which will infuriate me, she's shouty and talks over me all the time, how do I not tell her to fuck off??!

I've had a difficult relationship with pil, we were nc for a while but have all been making the effort lately for the sake of OH and our dc.

I agree with the passive aggressive knitting!

She sounds like a right pain. Tell her your opinion and when she gets racist just leave with your children. Let your DH follow if he wants to.

As for rear facing car seats - how about the Graco Milestone? Rear facing up to 15kg if memory serves but not ISOFIX. Suitable from birth too, so good for your 1yr old at the moment. We got ours from amazon for around £130 but Asda had them as low as £115 recently I think.

Currently £115 on Amazon

I once told my MIL that I didn't give a shit if I never spoke to her again and that if she tried to dictate in our lives that's exactly what would happen. After that she seemed to respect me more (or at least accept I wouldn't take her crap). Luckily DH had my back and no real problems after that. So I'm naughty but I'm in the "tell her" camp

I'd just look at her, smile and not answer. Every single time.

If she presses for a response...

I'd just look at her, smile and not answer. Every single time.

Change the subject and say you are reading a book on how the Dutch raise their children.

Probably a bit late now but I've found when faced with similar something incredibly passive aggressive along the lines of 'well I'm surprised at you MIL, I would have thought you would have loved your gc enough to have wanted them to have the safest possible car seat'...

Basically framing it so their choice equals a worse choice for their gc and not loving their gc. So by continuing to push for their choice, you just have reply with 'like I said, if you don't love your gc enough to want the best for them' and they either look really daft because most gp want to think they love their gc or they need to relent...

And yes, I know that being PA isn't a big or clever or grown up way to treat situations. But there are times when you have a really really annoying MIL as evidenced here that it can be a useful and satisfying way to deal with the situation you find yourself in!

Hope it went OK today.

What djbaggysmalls said

"he doesn't need it anymore"

You say "you'r right. It's SO easy for sons to stop being close to their mothers. Some of them stop talking to them altogether." And then just leave that hanging there.

If she's going to be racist, sexist etc, use those crappy stereotypes against her. I know that's stooping to her level, but I would love to have a phrase like that floating round my head, even if I didn't actually say it.

If you raise your children the Dutch way you will never need to tell your MIL to fuck off.
Your children will do it for you.
In at least three different languages.
They're gobby little creatures, Dutch children.

This won't help the MIL situation but have you come across the triofix recliner? It fits ok in my micra. Not easy to get in the UK though. Try the in car safety centre. They have lots of rear facing options.

Sorry to disappoint but I didn't tell her to fuck off.

OH and I agreed on the way over that we wouldn't bring up the new car, car seats or that 1yo hadn't been sleeping at night all week, in an effort to avoid any confrontation.

She started with "I'm probably being stupid but..." (she was) "won't the kids get sick travelling backwards!"

She's not particularly bright, I'm not saying that to be nasty, it's just true. Fortunately OH handled all the questions quite abruptly, which is really unlike him, he usually leaves me to deal with her. He's even decided not to invite her out to dinner next week for his bday.

She started to tell us about a house for sale down the road, which would be perfect for us, apart from the fact that we can't afford to buy a house and if we could we don't want to live in the same town as her, we're only 15 minutes away as it is, i announced I needed a wee and left the room humming

I'd go with an ever so patronising " Your wierd, old fashioned views do make me smile" whilst grinning like an idiot.

left the room humming just to clarify, to you mean actual humming or farted on your way out?

Are you married to my DPs brother. Sounds like we've got the same mother in law. No suggestions unfortunately. I always hang around for just long enough to be considered civil and then have to leave to give my widowed grandmother her daily phone call, and luckily my Nanas such a darling we could talk all day.

I'm routing for you OP

middleclass that made me guffaw! I hadn't farted, but perhaps that's a method I could try next time I think her opinions stink.

Yes I to thought you'd made a dirty protest on your way out

Ffs. 'Too'

Definitely fart - I call it the skunk defence ( I have used this on my husband ) . Tell her to fuck off too you'll feel better xxxx
The rear facing seat thing is a constant bickering point between me and hubby - fortunately I have a small van with seats facing each other in the back so my younger two are rear facing all the time anyway ( I win ) xxxx

Sounds like you did brilliantly!

Britax Two Way Elite is another not too expensive ERF seat that you could look at. We bought it before we owned a car and one of the reasons we liked it was it was compatible with most cars.

Well done OP for keeping your cool and not engaging! It's great that you and your DH are on the same page. I would agree with some PP, just ignore or change the subject.

frumpet
one of those videos mentions the protection that rear facing gives in frontal accidents , but doesn't mention rear shunts , the only type of accident I have ever had , where someone drives into the back of you ? Do they offer the same level of protection in these cases too ?

Good question, and sorry for your experience.
Statistically speaking, frontal accidents are more common than rear accidents, and when they do happen, frontal accidents are more likely to be at high speeds therefore more likely to cause serious injury.

For example, the human body is going to be put under a lot more stress in a head-on at 50mph than a rear end shunt at 30mph, so the car seats need to protect accordingly. (Not sure if I'm explaining that well though.)

Lots more info here, if anyone's interested:

dailymom.com/nurture/car-seat-safety-rear-end-collisions/
dailymom.com/nurture/rear-facing-just-the-facts/

Collect lots of EU facts and torture her with lots of information. Play EU bingo. I hate racists. You may need to leave.