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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Badgering by the health visitors

104 replies

MinecraftRoblox · 25/02/2017 11:45

I feel annoyed by this. Do I have to go? AIBU?

My son is 7-month-old and since being discharged by the midwives, the health visitors have been bothering me constantly with phone calls and letters with appointments summoning me to take my son in for 'checks'. The underlying tone of course being that I should comply or else there could be implications...

It was bad enough when he was born, and recovering from a c-section having to answer a million personal and invasive questions. This is my 4th child, his immunisations are up to date, and I have no concerns about his development.

The irony is my 3rd child was born with a health condition that despite a prenatal diagnosis no health professional took seriously once she was born Hmm

Is this a new thing, or do others also experience this kind of unhelpful 'harassment' from HV's.

OP posts:
MuncheysMummy · 25/02/2017 13:40

Oh and for what it's worth I think it's a good thing they have the checks... a lady I know has a baby around 7 months old now who is TINY and I mean tiny he was a higher birth weight than my baby who (is bang on average) is double his size and weight yet she has never taken him to a well baby weigh clinic (both our first baby) I go monthly as reccomended she won't take him and won't engage with the HV at all for home visits. I'm worried about the baby and I think she is in denial hence not weighing him or seeing her HV! They are there for a reason!

lufwa · 25/02/2017 13:43

Even one of my lovely health visitors said that babies are only breastfed in third world countries beyond the age of two. When WHO guidelines were, at the time, at least, two years. I was still feeding my baby then but she hadn't asked if I was still breastfeeding after year one.

I do hope they're keeping up to date with current guidelines and training as that seems to be one of the most common complaints about them in any of these threads. In order to advise properly and effectively they need to be informed.

Moanyoldcow · 25/02/2017 14:11

Like all professionals - there are good and bad ones. I stopped after I was constantly told my son was 'very big'. Conversations like this every 6 weeks during the check ups:

HV: He's really very heavy for his age...

Me: Yes - he was very big at birth and he's remained so.

HV: We should keep an eye on it.

Me: He's 4 months and only has milk and I'd fed on demand so I can't see how to really change that. I'm not supposed to restrict his feeds am I?

HV: Oh no - just that we don't see many above the 96th centile.

Me: No, but he's that for height too so he's in proportion isn't he?

HV: We don't measure length or height now. Let's keep an eye on it.

Me: To what end?

HV: To monitor it.

Over and fucking over.

LoveMyLittleSuperhero · 25/02/2017 14:19

Argh dear god I completely understand where you are coming from. I had a nightmare of a hv who after my section left me so stressed and upset that I would have panic attacks and sob every time she so much as mentioned me having to see her. The lovely ladies on here recommended I asked for a different one. I've got a new one now and they are brilliant.
If you feel they are asking you to see them too often ask why everytime they make an appointment request. "what's this for? what do you need to check? Are you concerned about something? Should I be doing anything different?"
Also are you taking your little one every month to be weighed? Round by me you have to go to a clinic and get them weighed every month till they are a year old.
Flowers you can request someone else, and if you need to for your peace of mine do it, its worth it!

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 25/02/2017 14:31

HV: Oh no - just that we don't see many above the 96th centile.

It would be very weird if they did!

EB123 · 25/02/2017 14:52

I've had mixed experiences with them with my 3 DC as have most people I know.
Clinics and checks aren't compulsory. Just let them know you are happy with your childs development and you know where they are the gp are if needed.

DesignedForLife · 25/02/2017 15:24

My new HV is lovely, very balanced, if a little too anti dummy.

Crazycatladyloz82 · 25/02/2017 15:30

Depends on the quality of the HV. We had an awful experience with our HV team with DD. I refused her 12 month check and explained why. All further checks will be refused as I can't trust them. If they were good I would happily go as it is always good having someone you trust looking out for your child.

Beth2511 · 25/02/2017 15:38

Just on the other side of things...

I have two DC aged 2 and 4 months. My health visitor noticed when youngest was 8 weeks just how isolated i was and something wasnt right and made a refferal for us to receive a family support worker. Between that worker and the HV the truth came out that my now ex was hprrendously violent towards me, had tried to kill our son when i was pregnant etc. They have supported me 100% in taking all the steps necessary to get him put of our lives and are still providimg amazing support.

The HV has visited me weekly since janiary, is supporting me with a brutal case of PND and has also made some vital referrals for my toddler who has significant speech concerns already.

In all honesty the health visitor has saved my life and the life of my children

happymumof4crazykids · 25/02/2017 15:40

I have seen my health visitor at the house once for each child and then for immunisations. My last 2 children haven't had their 9 month or 2 year check ups I was sent a letter saying they weren't doing them at the moment and listing what they should be doing by then. Note at bottom that if I had any concerns to visit clinic.
I know of other parents that get pressured into attending clinic every couple of weeks doesn't make sense to me.

Tantrictantrum · 25/02/2017 16:04

My ds has a brain condition that's not obvious. I've told hv not to come since he was 6mo. He's 2.5 now. Reason being is they are always referring him for progress. Yes that would be his condition. They panic me - e.g. ds could not do pincer movement at proper age. He got there a few weeks later. He's being seen regularly by actual experts. Hv to me is pointless.

Moanyoldcow · 25/02/2017 16:11

I know hopeless - I was dumbfounded.

He's 4 now, wearing 6-7 year old clothes - Christ knows what they'd say now Confused

BabyHamster · 25/02/2017 16:19

The HV came once when DD was 10 days old. I took her to the baby clinic to get weighed a few times but it was obvious she was growing fine and I have scales at home so stopped with that when she was about 13 weeks.

Since then I've heard nothing and DD is ten months old...

Also I don't have "my HV" there are loads of them and you would never see the same one twice at baby clinic.

I would be quite shocked if the HV called just to see how things are going!

BabyHamster · 25/02/2017 16:20

In my area I think they're so overstretched that there's not much point in their existence now.

Natsku · 25/02/2017 16:35

Have to say I don't really understand the dislike of HVs/developmental checks. Understand it of course in cases when someone has had a bad HV but people who just don't like them on principle, doesn't make sense to me, why would anyone be against a professional seeing a child a few times in the first years of their life to check all is well and make sure there aren't developmental issues? Have a similarish system in the country I live in now and it never occurred to me not to take DD to any of her scheduled appointments (about ten in the first two years and yearly after that) because there's no downside to it but potentially there's a downside to not taking her (its not like I can accurately check her vision and hearing at home for instance - parents don't know everything)

yikesanotherbooboo · 25/02/2017 16:55

Rhoda very well put.
Why not engage in the checks that are provided for your and your DC's well-being?
There used to be more checks and they were more structured. Now we see our HVs very infrequently and I think that maybe their roles are less clear to us, the public,particularly in areas where they are especially stretched and where one might not have a 'named' HV to turn to.
They have several purposes; child health and development and maternal health and mental wellbeing as well as parenting advice. On top of this is their importance in safeguarding and as others have said a refusal to engage with health professionals is seen as a red flag to be noted and followed up. This, in my opinion , is quite correct ... if you feel everything is going well the thing to do is to talk to your HV to explain so that they are reassured and don't have to 'badger'.

Trifleorbust · 25/02/2017 16:57

why would anyone be against a professional seeing a child a few times in the first years of their life to check all is well and make sure there aren't developmental issues?

Because some people are naturally distrusting of authority figures? Some people believe their parenting is under more scrutiny than it is, or are uncomfortable with feeling under scrutiny at a time when they feel quite unsure anyway?

AnneElliott · 25/02/2017 17:08

I also think they're a waste of space. I only saw ours once and then declined seeing her again.

Lots of judgement on things that were none of her business and numerous comments on DS who was underweight apparently but had a large head - not sure what I was meant to do about that. He's grown into his head now Grin.

ShaniaTwang · 25/02/2017 17:13

beth glad to hear your alright and great to hear how amazing the hv was Flowers

Oblomov17 · 25/02/2017 17:15

Speak to manager of hv's?

redrosered · 25/02/2017 17:16

YANBU they are annoying the hell out of me too.. For no reason! My mum had 6 babies i know where to go if I need advice .. Not from people who have read a load of books and think they know everything xx

UserReuser · 25/02/2017 17:25

I'm always a bit bemused by these, for my last baby (15m) I saw someone when she was a few weeks old... home visit obviously confirmed all was well and that's the only time I've seen one.

The one before he same as above, despite her being premature and diagnosed with autism at 3.

The first I went to the weighing clinic a few times, huge queues and dropped it as

SourBubblegum · 25/02/2017 17:48

OP I have found all of my previous HVs a nuisance too. They never left me alone, and was constantly putting me down about my premature sons development. When I moved to my new area I had a phone call from my local HVs, and I told them that I wasn't driving (at that moment in time), so traveling to them would be too difficult. I said that I'd go to the gp if I had concerns, and they have thankfully left me alone. I've had a letter for the 2 year check, however I won't be attending as it is done by a nursery nurse (of which has the same professional qualifications as me!). I'm sure they are very helpful for some parents, but for me personally I'd rather seek advice else where if needed.

picklemepopcorn · 25/02/2017 17:54

Thing is, it isn't 'for' you. It's for the baby, which may or may not have a competent parent, and for society which needs to know babies are safe.

In my area, it's getting harder to see an HV unless you raise a specific concern. All the establishing lines of communication, building relationships, making it easy for mums to be seen and listened to is going out of the window.
These routine opportunities for vulnerable people to be seen and heard are getting harder to come by.

sassolino · 25/02/2017 17:58

Which implications are you worried about? They can't force you to do anything.
We have seen a health visitor twice with son no.2, the first time a few days after his birth, the second time when he was 5 months old. He's 6 years old now. Nobody ever bothered us.

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