Badgering by the health visitors

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I feel annoyed by this. Do I have to go? AIBU?

My son is 7-month-old and since being discharged by the midwives, the health visitors have been bothering me constantly with phone calls and letters with appointments summoning me to take my son in for 'checks'. The underlying tone of course being that I should comply or else there could be implications...

It was bad enough when he was born, and recovering from a c-section having to answer a million personal and invasive questions. This is my 4th child, his immunisations are up to date, and I have no concerns about his development.

The irony is my 3rd child was born with a health condition that despite a prenatal diagnosis no health professional took seriously once she was born

Is this a new thing, or do others also experience this kind of unhelpful 'harassment' from HV's.

I do agree health visitors are a mixed bunch. I've seen some that are very switched on, others more, uh, anecdotal in their advice. I only go to the standard appointments, and in my 2 year check appt I tried to correct something the HV had wrong (didn't go down well....), so I know they can be frustrating if you are an experienced parent. However I do think it's reasonable that someone responsible claps eyes on a child several times in their first few years and has the opportunity to ask questions to pick up development problems, neglect, abuse. Of course whether social services and the nhs have the resources to address the problems identified is another question entirely.

It might seem like a waste of time if everything is fine, but for the children who get noticed that otherwise might have been missed it can be a lifesaver.

If someone refuses to participate it probably makes them want to see that person more, because not engaging with HC can be a red flag.

I saw a lot of the midwives/HVs/Doctors in the first 8 weeks. Since then I've not heard anything and she's 5 months now. I welcomed any help though - she's my first so any reassurance was great. I can see it would be a bit annoying by DC4.

Why not go in for the check and they'll stop bothering you? My DD is 14 months and has been seen 3 times, the day after we got home, 2 months later and at 12 months. It's good that they want to make sure your child is doing ok.

DD is a bit behind on her gross motor skills so they give me a call for a chat once a month to see how she's doing. I'm glad of the advice tbh.

If someone refuses to participate it probably makes them want to see that person more, because not engaging with HC can be a red flag.

Bit of an Orwellian issue, that. People have the right to turn down advice. You don't have to engage with HV if you don't find the help useful.

It depends very much on the Health visitor!
Our first one (20years ago) was awful, I would quake with fear before she came to visit. It was clear that she disliked me from day one, she had a complete bee in her bonnet about breast feeding and used to demand that I got my boobs out each visit whilst she would manhandle me to ensure that DD was latching on correctly. It felt like abuse and I cant ever remember being asked for consent. She also told me to get rid of our pets In the end I asked her not to come again as I felt she was actually ruining my confidence.
With the next 2 babies we had a lovely sweetheart of a HV who really knew her stuff, but it took me a while to trust her.

Maybe ask if there is a different HV you could see?

The checks aren't compulsory, you're invited to them but there will be no come back if you don't take them up on it.

In my area HVs are a huge postcode lottery as to how each team works and some of it depends on how hard senior managers are leaning on them to prove they've got high take up - those teams then in turn tend to lean harder on families to achieve that take up. Some teams are keen (and have time to) visit everyone and produce lots of evidence on following up as many families as possible. More teams around here are desperately trying to keep up with their heavy safeguarding load visiting children on child protection plans, and parents are pleading for their children to be squeezed in for a visit when they have concerns.

If you don't go along with the performance they for sure assume something is wrong and you want to hide something ,been that they think they have power over you though in fact it's really Upto you if you see them or not.
Sometimes just have to do to avoid other hassle in the future that's the only reason I did anyway lol
Even more weird for me I only had with my middle daughter and nothing with the other 2

So if children aren't occasionally routinely seen by someone, then how do children who are abused or neglected get picked up, or children who aren't developing reasonably but their parents haven't realised?

Yes vaccination appointments, but the practice nurse is only scheduled enough time to give the jabs, and doesn't have knowledge of avenues of help if the child is having problems, or means to follow it up. And of course some parents refuse vaccinations.

I know one very nice caring mum who didn't realise her son's speech was delayed. Two year check by HV identified this, he was referred and after several assessments and hearing tests given an autism diagnosis, for which early intervention is helpful. The mum didn't attend playgroups as she spent her time with extended family and they all said "oh boys develop at different rates, nothing to worry about, he's just sensitive, a thinker", so she hadn't worried. Sometimes it takes an external objective person to pick things up.

I personally haven't found my HV useful.... but I've had I think three appointments per child - home visit after birth, 1 year and 2 year check. Not arduous in two years.

You don't have to engage with them. Some are useful, some IME are dangerous and should be re-trained or sacked. Let them know that your are not interested in their "help" and that will perhaps free up some of their time for other mothers that may need them.

We had the occasional appointments with a HV to check ds's development milestones over the first couple of years and everything was ok.

It doesn't really require melodramatics of badgering, being summoned, having to comply, invasive questions, at their will, unhelpful harassment.

As its your 4th child you are probably fed up going, but its for your child's benefit not just yours and they should get the same checks as your previous 3. You go to the appointment, they do a quick check and ask a few questions you leave get another appointment at the next milestone. It really is not big deal.

I had some

How often are they writing asking you to attend checks and phoning?

I had one single visit from HV when I first came home from hospital with LO.

Was all perfectly pleasant but utter waste of time, I had already visited GP and had LO checked over, all was fine and i had a lot of support. She asked if I would like her to come back or needed any help/advice. I said no thank-you and haven't seen her since.

OP if you're uncomfortable with any of this and your baby (Congratulations by the way ;-) ) is otherwise fine, I would just politely decline the appointments.

I agree with others - it might be their policy because they think you're hiding something, or struggling and not wanting to show it. We've all seen things on the news about kids who have fallen through the cracks and social services etc missed chances to intervene, so perhaps it's all part of that.

Are you ignoring the letters and missing appointments without making contact? This 'constant' badgering you seems most unusual. Hvs are pretty busy people so I doubt they want to spend time on pointlessly annoying you. If, however, you are ignoring invitations for checks then yes, they are obliged to follow up.

Unfortunately there have been any number of cases where carers actively avoided contact with HCPs and ended up with tragedy for the child concerned and witch hunts for the professionals. Of course in 99% of cases it's is parents like yourself who don't wish to participate but unless you engage enough to be clear about this they cannot know.

I'm a hcp in a very relevant professional but totally valued the advice of someone trained in early development.

I have no issue with checks as such.
I know it is also very clear that they are tick box exercice, like most things these days TBH.
If y ou are lucky, you have a HV that is on HV that is on the ball and will pick up on some issues. But as numerous people have said on here and in RL, it's more likely that they won't or will dismiss very valid concerns.
The issue is that these checks aren't compulsory which means that they have to push hard for people to go and do them (so they can meet their own targets).

When I had my first child they were useless, and this put me off them I must say. Weren't up to date with current guidelines and couldn't advise. Also they diagnosed, at a weighing check, my ds as having oral thrush and exclaimed more than once, in a loud voice (lots of parents in clinic) that is usually because of poor hygiene. They went off to get me a prescription, without him having been checked by a doctor. I took him to the GP for a second opinion who said it was only a milk coating. I told the health visitors they'd got it wrong the following week and they hadn't the grace to apologise.

That was when I was younger, in my late 20s. I had another child a decade later and found the health visitors of far more use and much more personable and pleasant. Still felt box-ticking exercise somewhat until I saw them helping out somebody distressed and in genuine need. There are some good health visitors and some bad, like anything, which is a pity.

Personally I had similar issues with my hv. I didn't rate the service I received. My hv turned up with a trainee without asking if it was ok in advance, made what I thought were inappropriate comments at the 6 week check, then when I actually needed something i.e. Advice on relatively common issue gave out of date info. Found my GP much more knowledgeable/ supportive and at one point GP basically rolled their eyes and said Hv can be like that and we'll keep an eye on things / no need to worry

My HVs pretty much left us alone. I took DS to clinic when I wanted him weighed and got his vaccinations done and that was that.

When we moved to a new area we had an unannounced visit from our new HV. She was lovely and explained that they check whenever a new child comes to the area to make sure all is well and whether support is needed.

A year later I took on a job as a HV/SN assistant and found myself doing the unannounced checks on school aged children new to the area (visiting them in school).

The checks done are twofold - developmental and wellbeing - so they can identify any issues and put support in place.

When the kids start school and care is switched to the SN service there are checks again - height, weight, hearing and vision. The number of kids who've not previously had a hearing or sight issue picked up before is significant enough to justify the checks being done on all kids. It picked up my vision issues which turned out to be a severe degenerative condition that left me VI by my twenties (but was thankfully correctable by then). They also picked up my DSis having glue ear even when the GP had been fobbing my DM off for 2 years.

A questionnaire and a toothbrush may seem like a waste of time to you, but for someone else it might be the difference between a developmental delay, medical issue or neglect being picked up. HVs are fully qualified nurses who have specialised in their field, they don't get the recognition they deserve. Like all jobs, some are better at it than others, but they're certainly not pointless for everyone.

You will be receiving the letters automatically.

If you don't respond you will automatically get another letter.

It's a safeguarding issue. The health visitors don't know you are competent and capable, and neither does their computer system.

If you don't want to engage, then respond telling them that. They are. It psychic.

I've just had my pre-birth HV appointment. Vaguely useless as this is my third, but the system is in place for a very good reason, so I just work with it. It didn't kill me to spend 30 minutes with her, and she was pleasant enough and offers info on support available.

That is a great post rhoda, and broadly I agree.

But I experienced a sense of being harassed and found it upsetting and invasive. Unless there are wider concerns, the service should be opt in.

I don’t know why Health Visitors get criticised on here, especially considering so many parents seek support for PND and Autism/ADH etc

Health Visitors deliver the Health Child Programme: screening, immunisation, breast feeding, attachment, weaning, vision and hearing, healthy weight, health and development reviews, parental wellbeing and PND.

They signpost/refer to mental health agencies, CAMHS, EWO and Education etc.

But if you want to take up a GP appointment that could go to someone more in need because you are too righteous to seek the help of an agency set up to promote the health and wellbeing of you and your child then go ahead.

Dd is 6 months old. Only saw the HV at 2 weeks, 6 weeks and next ones approx a year old and then I think it's 2 years old. Ds was the same (any questions in between we could phone or when we went to the baby centre for weigh in we could ask whichever HV was there). He also received a toothbrush and toothpaste at 1 year check (think it's because they were explaining about children needing to use the adult toothpaste for the fluoride) amongst other things in a little goodie bag.

My dd's HV was much nicer and more approachable than ds's.

I'm intrigued you say they have very little training Mrs Bobton ?? They are qualified nurses who then take extra training and gain an additional qualification?!
I have just received my letter for my little boys 7-9 month check where the HV will visit us at home he will be 8.5 months old at the appointment so dead on time.