AIBU to think that flexible, family-friendly jobs do not exist.

[MothersRuinart]

A job where you don't get penalised for having to stay home with a sick child, either by having to use annual leave or take unpaid leave. A job where you can leave earlier or start later at a short notice and be able to work up the lost hours another time. A job that would allow you to work from home regularly and/or often and/or at short notice. A company or a work environment that doesn't resent you for having to miss workdays due to childcare issues. Where you're not overlooked for a promotion because you're a parent.

I've never worked for a company like that, neither have any of my friends as far as I know. Tbf, most problems would be solved if more companies allowed their staff to work from home more often or were more flexible with their hours.

I understand that there are jobs where flexibility is not an option but I think most jobs could be much more flexible than they are now.

Digital Mums ( mentioned up thread) have been running a whole campaign around this ( search for #workthatworks on twitter or instagram.

They did some research that showed that many small employers weren't averse to the idea. They just thought it couldn't work for them. A lot more roles could be more family friendly ( the tools exist to manage work and keep in contact in real time) but employers need to understand that they can trust employees to make it work to the benefit of the business. Employees need to understand that by being trusted they have to maintain that trust and not abuse it.

I have a very flexible employer (law). But there are two caveats to that. 1. The pay is very poor. And they know it. Thats the trade off for the flexibility. 2. I've been there a long time, been loyal and earned trust, meaning if I need to dash off to a sick DC, I can.

But I've had to watch more junior colleagues leave to go to jobs considerably better paid than me.

There's flexibility and then there's taking the piss. What is described in the op looks a lot like extra special treatment for people with children above and beyond what others get which would be at the taking the piss end of the spectrum.

I'm a big fan of family friendly practices but also of excellent management, flexible and innovative working practices for all, equality of opportunity, working for results and rewarding results.

I also think as a society we have a duty to ensure people can and do have children which is why I think there's still work to be done around leave after the birth of a child, pay and childcare. Plus paying for work done and not the person doing the work (that would help with discrimination and gender pay gap).

I'm not a fan of presenteeism, parents who don't pull their weight with sick children or the sexist assumptions made about working parents.

Lots of these examples on the thread seem quite far away from the op and are not piss take-y. I'm quite heartened to hear about them :)

Bigger companies such as banking and council jobs tend to be pretty flexible because they can usually absorb the problems that might arise when trying to be flexible due to having a bigger work force. But a small company would probably struggle to accommodate flexible working patterns, child illness days off etc, as their business would suffer.

I worked in the public sector in software development when my DCs were growing up and it was very very flexible. Flexitime is a godsend to working parents.

In many ways the easiest way to help working parents is to make flexible work practices and rewarding and managing to results the norm for everyone in an organisation.

Anything that looks like special treatment will always have the potential to be viewed as a negative by those not getting it. So give it to everyone and it stops being a potential source of resentment/discrimination.

I can do almost all of those things and I'm piblic sector admin. I have switched my hours around (dropped, raised, changed start and finish times), have worked later on days I have childcare to make up time off for days I haven't. I get 3 days a year paid carers leave (used to be 5 but who's complaining when it's paid?). If my DS is sick at school I've been able to drop everything and rush to him. In the past I've been kitted out with a full home office at their expense (desk, chair, computer equipment, mobile) and only had to give the tech equipment and mobile back to the department because I'd use the home office in my next role with a different department. I'm disabled and get paid time off for all my medical appointments too (although as a good will gesture I also use leave every 3rd appointment). A lot of that is down to the boss I have who values my contribution and the quality of my work so can afford to be flexible with me.

If I wanted to work full time hours in term time only and have holidays off I could, and have my pay spread evenly over the year - I did that when DS was small.

I work full time and earn just under the national average, with annual wage increase for length of service and opportunities to develop and progress.

Actually come to think of it, one time when there was an emergency with one of the kids at work, the manager didn't just let me go straight away, but sent someone else from the team to drive me to them as DH had the car!

But again, I give loads of flexibility and am reliable. They know that if I ask for anything at short notice it'll be because I've exhausted all other options. So they're great with saying yes to my regular requests.

I do agree. 40 years ago my parents divorced and dad had my older siblings. He gave up his job and became an artist so he could be a parent with the flexibility he needed. Luckily he was really successful but I think you still need that luck to get the flexibity you need these days.

My civil service job is all.the things you describe although pay is lower than in the private sector. I am well paid for my level of education though so can't complain.

I work in finance. I work four days a week, I can start late and take the kids to school or start early and leave early. My boss allows me to work from home if the kids are sick or to nip out to the nativity play or assemblies.

I would say though that by working part time I have limited my promotion prospects.

I disagree with whoever said being a parent shouldn't mean working less hard at your (paid) job. There are only ever 24 hours in a day. You need to spend at least 8 hours sleeping to be productive. Work is another 8 hours and dcs can easily take up the other 8, depending on their ages. Non-parents get those hours to do whatever they please, - that is a perk of being child free. That's their down time to unwind from work. Therefore they are working considerably less hard outside of work hours. Therefore parents should be cut some slack during working hours.

I work in public service, I earn 2/3 what I could if I worked private. Home working not an option but I can arrive or leave late, get carers leave, parental leave, work are amazing if there are any issues at all. I count my blessings, I'm very lucky. The benefits are worth the £20k I lose in wages!!

Therefore parents should be cut some slack during working hours.

That's not the deal with employment though. The deal is you turn up and do the job and the employer pays you.

Frankly user you sound like a piss taker who gives the rest of us working parents a bad name.

If you can't do the job, don't do the job but don't expect an easier time of it because you have children. Most of us on here have children and wouldn't dream of doing anything other than working our socks off when at work.

You can't be simultaneously working your socks off at work AND picking up a vomiting child from school though, can you? You sound unnecessarily judgemental and harsh.

Who gives a stuff what the childfree do outside working hours? How, in the name of fuck, do you reckon they "don't work as hard"? And why should they?

Parenting is a choice we made. Why should we expect preferential treatment because of our lifestyle choices?

You sound unnecessarily judgemental and harsh

And you sound entitled and delusional.

The only acceptable excuse for leaving work 'on time' i.e. not long after 5pm, does seem to be childcare though. Before I had DD I was staying late every night to get stuff done. Now that simply can't happen. I'd like to see a culture where it's fine for everyone to leave work on time.

I work in the public sector and my job is pretty much as you describe.

I fully agree that more companies should be like this as it makes me more motivated and go that extra mile.

If people stopped having kids tomorrow I doubt it'd be referred to as a 'lifestyle choice' - haven't you watched 'Children of Men'? Bringing up the next generation of human beings is a huge responsibility and society needs to come to terms with that.

Parents have to work to stop themselves and their children from starving. They also have to be available in emergencies when their children need them. Employers shouldn't penalise them from doing so.

Oh. Sorry user, I had completely missed you were joking

Joking about

movingon delusional about what? Parenting being a hard job? There being only 24 hours in a day? That my life was incredibly easy before I became a parent? That the human race is dependent on people reproducing? If you form a coherent argument I'll hear you out.

Children of Men, that dystopian sci-fi work of fiction? Yeah, it was OK.

Nobody is forced to reproduce you know. It is a choice. Why did you have kids? Was it out of some sort of obligation to reproduce, were you coerced into it or does the answer start with "I wanted..."?

Why should those who made the choice not to have DC pick up the slack for those who did? Furthermore, why should the woman who has 1 DC have to cover for a woman who is constantly absent because she has 5 DC?

Didn't expect to see so many replies, thank you all. It's encouraging that so many of you have found family-friendly jobs, hopefully i will find one as well! I will def take a look into civil service.

And just for the record, it didn't even cross my mind that I would need to specify that obviously I work hard and am dependable and committed to my job and not looking to take the mickey or abuse any trust. That goes without saying really. No need for resentment.