AIBU to think that flexible, family-friendly jobs do not exist.

[MothersRuinart]

A job where you don't get penalised for having to stay home with a sick child, either by having to use annual leave or take unpaid leave. A job where you can leave earlier or start later at a short notice and be able to work up the lost hours another time. A job that would allow you to work from home regularly and/or often and/or at short notice. A company or a work environment that doesn't resent you for having to miss workdays due to childcare issues. Where you're not overlooked for a promotion because you're a parent.

I've never worked for a company like that, neither have any of my friends as far as I know. Tbf, most problems would be solved if more companies allowed their staff to work from home more often or were more flexible with their hours.

I understand that there are jobs where flexibility is not an option but I think most jobs could be much more flexible than they are now.

[worriedmum100]

My job is like this. I'm a lawyer in a NDPB. I work 3 days a week, one at home. Can take leave at short notice or work from home if any child related emergencies pop up or travel issues. I have a fantastic boss. I'm lucky. I work very hard when I am working though. Head down. No time wasting. I try and go above and beyond for clients. It's a two way street. As pps have said. Lot less money than I'd earn in the private sector but money isn't my primary motivation.

[EsmesBees]

Another civil servant here who has a job similar to that description. We get three paid days a year if we need to look after ill kids, flexible start and finish times and decent IT systems so we can work from home as we like. I reckon I get paid slightly more than someone doing an similar role in the private sector, but it's never going to be mega bucks, plus we haven't had a proper pay rise in an age.

[turkeyboots]

And another civil servant saying the same.

[TooStressyForMyOwnGood]

I spend so much time thinking about this! I used to have a job - public sector - pretty similar to what you describe OP, except for getting time off at short notice could be a problem sometimes (but not always). I'm now in exactly the same job but the management has changed and a lot of the flexibility has gone, with plans to reduce more in the future. So even if you have one of these jobs, it feels so fragile. Plus, as has been mentioned, there was / is some resentment from colleagues about some staff doing shorter or more flexible hours.

I'm not sure what the answer is but I think for me it might have to be self employed or supply type work. However there are definite downsides for me for those two options so I'm hanging on while I can.

[Casschops]

I'm now a parent but have have been I my career a long time before being blessed with my DS. I feel that I have an understanding and kind manager but there needs to be some give and take. It's really hard in any workplace to find a balance and due to the nature of having children it was the parents who needed the flexibility within their hours.I found that there was a presumption that as somebody without children the summer holidays would be covered by me as the people with children "need" the time off. I thought and still do that it is the responsibility of the parent to find appropriate childcare, it is parental choice to have children and not fair to others on the team to pick up the slack. There are always people out there who take the biscuit and others who are responsible and where there is a very flexible policy it will be abused. I think it is all about showing that you are committed to your job role and your colleagues and you need to work for those perks. Just we choose to be parents as should not mean that we expect others to pay for those choices. I'm lucky I have some flexibility but I've worked hard to earn it. I don't think a job exists that would allow you to be totally flexible from the word go unless like others have suggested you consider being self employed.

[Uberfluffs]

I work for the NHS and it really isn't like that any more. Despite the work force being largely made up of mothers, any request for part time hours has recently been denied, and although it's said in the literature that they'd consider flexi working, part time working, job shares, term time working etc. (which sounds wonderful), the key word is consider. They consider and then say no.

It's very much down to your direct line manager - our managers are exclusively either men (with wives at home or working flexibly/part time elsewhere looking after the kids) or childless women, so they really have no sympathies or understanding for people with commitments at home.

[Uberfluffs]

I'm now looking at a job in the civil service or self employment looking at these answers!

[CPtart]

The NHS told me 'the needs of the business come first' and refused to give me set working days to accommodate childcare. So I left. I was a district nurse. Numbers are lower now in that profession than they've ever been and we want to keep people out of hospital?
Very short sighted of them.

[yorkshapudding]

I don't think there are many jobs that offer all the perks you describe, it's more often a question of prioritising what is most important to you and compromising on other stuff.

I work in a school (not a teacher) so I get holidays off which is lovely. The downside is I can't take leave in term time so when DD starts school I won't be able to attend assemblies, sports days etc.

If I have to take a day off because DD is ill no one makes me feel guilty but it but it is unpaid leave as I can't do my role from home. My boss is happy for me to leave early for things like doctors/dentist appointments etc. as he knows I don't take the piss.

I think a lot of people also assume that if you work in a school you work school hours so can do pick up and drop off for your own kids but the vast majority of staff at our place don't. I work 8-4 so will still need some wraparound care for DD.

I previously worked for the NHS and while it was "family friendly" in that they basically let me work the days/hours I wanted (part time, specialist role), the work life balance was crap. I had to take work home with me every evening and weekend just to stay afloat and was often tied up with emails and phonecalls on my non working days. My current job is more "family friendly" in that once I leave for the day it doesn't impact on my home life either directly or psychologically.

[TooStressyForMyOwnGood]

YY Uberfluffs, except for the manager thing, IME that depends on the person rather than their circumstances.
In general I think you are right about the management culture. However, one of my best managers was a man with long since grown up children. One of the worst a woman with a young child but her parents' help on tap who expected the job to come first and for us all to have parents down the road to look after our children at random hours.

[Christinedaae17]

I work for the NHS in the community and they are flexible with my start and finish times so I can drop and pick kids. Fair enough if they are sick I have to take a carers leave day but otherwise it's fairly good but it is give and take

[ChasingAPinkBall]

My job is like that although like a pp said they're perks that have come around from working there for 7 years and building up trust.
I work in a further education college and it is generally quite good for maternity/parernity/flexible working. The union have a large presence so I think that helps too.

Colleges are good because they will be going over to term time only contracts because of funding cuts and there are loads and loads of roles that aren't teaching. Student support, administration, customer services, marketing, food service, childcare.

[rwalker]

yes i can see both sides i have kids , my wife works 18 hour a weeks so this fits in with child care . i work full time in a small team , the 2 women with kids think it,s there right to demand what working hours they want . which they can , but the company has the right to say no if it is not viaable they have fixed days off for childcare meaning the rest of us can NEVER have theses days off .late and early starts someone has to do the work meaning we have to take on extra to accommodate this . so basically i have my day off dictated ,have to do extra work and sometime stay late to facilitate other people working with kids . very few jobs can offer that flexibility without it impacting on there business

[treaclesoda]

My husband's job is fairly flexible, much more so than mine, although he earns four times what I do (well, I only work part time, if I was full time I suppose he'd only earn double what I do).

But the trade off, as others have said, is that he works in the public sector and only earns half of what he could earn in the private sector. He has chosen to sacrifice earnings in favour of flexibility.

[JeanBodel]

My husband and I both work for the local Council and we are lucky enough to have all the flexibility you describe.

[skerrywind]

Being self employed allows you this. My hours are infinitely flexible.

[BikeRunSki]

My job is as the OP describes. Sick child - say can be taken as flexitime to be made up later.

Look at public sector roles. Flexitime etc usually common practice in local authorities, government agencies and civil Sevices. Desk based usually more flexible than public facing.

[DrivingMeBonkers]

A job where you don't get penalised for having to stay home with a sick child, either by having to use annual leave or take unpaid leave.

I'm going to ask you to clarify this as I'm reading it as "If I have to stay at home because my child is sick, my employer should pay me full wages"

Most employers couldn't afford to pay people to stay at home willy nilly; and a lot of people would abuse it.

[Chickennuggetfeeder]

Closest ive got is the job i do now which is 8.30-2.30 so i can get back for the kids. As for sick days ive been very luky as i have a few family memebers about to help and work where really good when my son was in hospital. The only otger job ive had that fit round them but didnt do me much good was working nights so i was always around in the day if they where sent home.

[Tiptoethr0ughthetulips]

Cptart I could have written that myself. I now work in hospital and have family friendly hours, I was able to negotiate at interview. I wouldn't say I'm still entirely happy with Nursing but my current department do seem to appreciate me more than in District Nursing.

[StealthPolarBear]

Civil servant - exactly as you describe.
We work from home if it suits us (eg rather than battling bad weather) or the business (eg I'm really busy at the moment so wfh suits me as I can work before children get up and after in bed). Went in yesterday as I needed to print a load of stuff and came home mid afternoon.

[Basicbrown]

I think yanbu. My employer allows me to wfh, and so I wouldn't have to take AL for such child etc. I can generally manage my own hours. I can leave early if I need to and make up the time. I can take time off in school holidays and only I do my job, so no one has to cover.

However I am overlooked for promotion, mainly because I just cannot commit to what would be expected without it negatively affecting my life. Some may well say that's fair and I get that argument, but it's frustrating and my career has been negatively affected by being a parent.

[1frenchfoodie]

I'm a civil servant and the job meets most of what you describe - though only over the last 5-8 years or so as technology and attitudes have improved. The trade off for the flexibility is an expectation I will be available on my blackberry at odd hours and able to take a laptop home and finish stuff after kiddy bedtime if there is a big project on. I could 'work to rule' and not do this though I think my career would suffer. People without kids get the same flexibility around hours and working from home.

[NamelessEnsign]

YABU really, but I think flexibility is rare. I'm in the creative industries and my job gets most of those perks. I have been there for a decade, though, and my pay isn't what it could be elsewhere.

The big caveat is that my work belongs to me and my team and it absolutely has to be done, even if I have holiday or my children are ill. There isn't anyone else who can absorb it, so stress levels can be high. And there are three of four overseas trips a year that I can't miss and for which I have to be very well prepared.

On the whole I consider myself to be very fortunate that we are trusted to work hard within our own framework.

[Kwackerly]

I applied to work in the civil service precisely because I wanted to have a career and children. I took a temporary office job to improve my skills (I was in retail previously), studied their competency framework and applied for everything at the lowest level. Once you are in you can easily progress if you work hard.