To be upset by the work clique

[Chocolatecake12]

I suppose I'm old enough to know that iabu but just wondered what others take on this situation was and how would handle it going forward.
I'm a part of a small department at work, 12 of us in total including my boss.
I was under the impression that we all got on well and we've had a couple of work 'dos' Christmas for example and a cinema trip etc
Today I find out that 7/8 members have their own clique going on. They've got a whatsapp group and regularly meet for coffee or afternoon tea.
I'm upset as I felt that I was a part of the team, I've spoken to people about things going on in my life and offered advice when asked to others but feel really excluded. It's like when I was at school and not being a part of the popular girls!
Seeing this written down it sounds petty doesn't it? But I'm actually quite upset by this.

Jessie, the meetings for coffee and afternoon tea occur outside of work which is why the OP knew nothing about them until recently when she discovered their RL friendship. I assume they Whatsapp, instead of using work e-mail for the same reason. It's their private life outside of work.

Dione the coffee meetings/teas wasn't made clear.

However, seeing as they take place off company premises and presumably in cafes etc near office etc I'm not sure as I said before how OP can invite herself along.

Personally I would ignore or just make friends of the other 4/5 and go out with them instead.

roundaboitthetown you sound very bitter. Who are you to decide a group dynamic?

I agree with whoever said it's a friendship group if you're in it and a clique if you're not. Apparently some people can't handle the fact they're not involved in everything and brand all the people who allegedly "exclude" them nasty bitches who control and manipulate group members.

As I said, some people don't know how friendship works, it's not about point scoring and being either a leader or a follower, it's about enjoying each other's company and supporting and liking each other.

Magzmarsh - given the fact I have said I personally wouldn't have a problem with this friendship group, you sound a bit weird.

No I'm not weird, could you refrain from making personal attacks on me please?

You posted in direct response to me and said I don't know what I'm talking about, it's not weird at all to want a right to reply, perhaps you're not used to having your opinion challenged.

And I don't get why anyone would think a post describing friendship as being supportive and enjoying each other's company as "weird" but I guess it takes all sorts to make a world 😊

There are a great many ways to have and establish friendships, some more close than others. Cliques are also friendship groups. Different people enjoy different types and levels of friendship. Some friendships are more healthy than others. There is nothing abnormal or bitter about being reticent to join large but exclusive groups of work colleagues who enjoy getting together after work. There is also nothing remotely abnormal or surprising about being upset to realise that you are being excluded from this if you are the sort of person who would like to join in.

Fair enough I'll retract bitter if you retract weird 😊

Magzmarsh - I responded to you saying that it struck you that anyone who viewed friendship differently from you didn't have any proper friendships and didn't understand how friendship worked. You then said directly to me that I sound very bitter. I suggest you stop directly criticising others and telling them they don't understand anything if you do not like that being done to you.

Sorry - cross-post. Yes, I retract weird if you retract bitter!

I give up, I extended an olive branch and you're still having a go, knock yourself out if that's how you get your kicks.

Yet another x post. This correspondence is now closed.

Cliques suck anyway... i no longer want to be oart of them.

Be your own free woman.

Sounds awful, and I know what it's like to be excluded.

But are you absolutely sure they all have your number saved in their phone? And if so, did they all have your number saved at the same time, or were you added a short time later? If that's the case, whoever set it up might not have realised you were on the app and it's just an oversight. A similar thing happened to me, where no one actually realised I wasn't part of the whatsapp group because I didn't have whatsapp at the time the group was created.

I have to agree with those who say it's probably one of those things that have just grown, and it's coincidence you haven't yet been included. Maybe people were included when the group wanted to ask them a work related question, and that's how it grew. You sound like you're on the ball with work so maybe they have never had to do that with you. It might have started with people on the same team or working on the same project, and then more people were added until it became this.

I know it's not nice, but a group of eight is a big group, and it might not be noticeable to everyone who isn't there. Maybe they think you're in the group and just don't speak in it.

Clutching at straws, I know, and maybe it's wrong that I'm trying to give them the benefit of the doubt. But from what you've said it sounds like you all get on well, and if there isn't a solid reason as to why you've been left out, maybe it's fairly likely it's just a mistake. Whatever the issue, I feel for you, being excluded is the worst.