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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to be offended by this - wedding money one

45 replies

justnowords · 24/02/2017 15:53

Im not offended. Im seriously tickled though at the sheer brass balls of the request. Its not even a wedding, its actually just the engagement party but bride to be has posted "For all those who are coming tomorrow and don't know what to get us we don't want presents we want money towards the wedding". I think I shall most likely give money seeings that whats she's asked for but she's brave asking as I assume other people might get uptight about these sorts of things.

OP posts:
ProudBadMum · 24/02/2017 15:55

Give them 50p in pennies Grin

I was told this at one engagement I went to but I couldn't afford a lot so just bought them a money box that said wedding fund Wink

gamerchick · 24/02/2017 15:55

I wouldn't. Anyone could set up this sort of thing and then 'call the wedding off'.

I'm a cynical old boot though.

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 24/02/2017 15:57

All we give at engagement parties is

Bottle of good champagne

Never have a given anything more than that for a engagement party and I wouldn't! And I certainly wouldn't give money for an engagement party

At my own engagement party 20 years ago Shock was wine, champagne and my Nan gave me her pearl bracelet

Hellmouth · 24/02/2017 15:57

If they're struggling to pay for their own wedding, maybe they should just go to a flipping registry office.

i actually really hate it when people post things like that. You want to get married, pay for it yourself.

I'd just give them a card lol

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 24/02/2017 15:58

Also If they are asking for money towards the wedding, why don't they just not have an engagement party save on that and put that towards the wedding

Original poster
justnowords · 24/02/2017 15:59

i'll probably put in the price of a cheap bottle of plonk in the card, just as it has really raised a smile for me today!

OP posts:
meditrina · 24/02/2017 15:59

'coming tomorrow'

Surely most people would have got a present sorted by the day before the wedding?

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/02/2017 16:00

So the engagement party is a fishing trip to pay for the wedding? Grin You've got to admire them. I wonder if the wedding depends on the cash gifts. Like if you put in 50 quid you're day and evening and if you put in a tenner you're evening only...

Springersrock · 24/02/2017 16:00

It wouldn't offend me either.

If I was going to spend twenty quid on a bottle of champagne, I'd be just as happy to stick the £20 in a card instead.

Original poster
justnowords · 24/02/2017 16:02

The thing is though, this is her second or third engagement but will be her first wedding. If it doesnt proceed, can I ask for my money back or is that bad form?

OP posts:
Hellmouth · 24/02/2017 16:03

I admit, I've only been to one engagement party. do you get an engagement gift AND a wedding gift?

I'm going to talk to DP, maybe we should get married lol

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/02/2017 16:04

If it doesnt proceed, can I ask for my money back or is that bad form? IOU in the card? Grin

Pinkheart5915 · 24/02/2017 16:04

All I give for engagement parties is a nice champagne or bottle of red because we've got a cellar of the stuff. No way am I giving money for an engagement party!

If they need money at the engagement party to put towards the important real wedding but I suggest they cancel the engagement party be on that and use that towards the wedding

Pinkheart5915 · 24/02/2017 16:06

Did you give her money or a gift for her last engagements? If so can't you say I gave you your engagement present when you was marrying x Grin

WhispersOnTheWind · 24/02/2017 16:10

I'm not offended by their frank request for money to help pay for their wedding so I trust they won't be offended when I say no, I won't be doing that.
I've never been to one (my friends and family have no sense of enterprise) and generally pay for their own) but I am often curious about these 'crowd-funded' weddings - do the investors donors get a say in the production wedding? What's on the menu or the colour scheme? Choose the cast members bridal party?

Cheby · 24/02/2017 16:13

Jeez. We didn't have an engagement party, but if we did I wouldn't have expected presents! You get wedding presents, surely this is a bloody cheeky way of asking for double gifts?!

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 24/02/2017 16:15

That wouldn't offend me either.

I'd far rather people just upfront about what they want than compose some shitey poem.

Or tell me to use my own "initiative" and I wind up giving them some tat that they either hate or already have 10m sets of.

They want swag?

Absolutely splendid. Zero effort for me and keeps them 😁

unicorn5629 · 24/02/2017 16:15

I'm all for people asking for money for WEDDING presents. It's better than an unwanted gift. However I've never really grasped the concept of an "engagement present ?" When I got engaged we had a house party, cheap plonk and a late night !

Emmageddon · 24/02/2017 16:16

I wouldn't give cash because if she's been engaged multiple times before, then who's to say this one will end up in an actual wedding? Bottle of fizz from me, although I like the idea of a money box labelled wedding fund, you can get them in the pound shop Grin

littlefrog3 · 24/02/2017 16:20

Yeah I wouldn't give 'em money! I'd get a bottle of fizz from Sainsbury's for a tenner. Bloody cheek!

As someone said earlier, what if the relationship falls through, will they give folk their money back?

Puts me in mind of something that happened - 4 or 5 years ago. My friend's daughter (who was 20 at the time,) had a friend who was trans (female to male,) and he needed money (about 2 grand) for the 'top surgery.' This lass raised money for her friend with boot sales and 'go fund me' and sponsored walks and suchlike, and also begging famous people! They raised over a grand within 6 months, which the girl put into her trans friend's bank account.

Shortly after, the friendship fizzled out, and in addition, the friend never had the surgery... No-one ever knew what happened to the money! A few people were quite cross, and said to my friend's daughter 'if he isn't having it done, where's my thirty quid?' and similar remarks.

I wouldn't give anyone money for shit. Except a birthday gift, and that would only be £20.

WaegukSaram · 24/02/2017 16:20

A second or third engagement? I'd give her a card! You can overcompensate with a wedding gift if she makes it down the aisle.

milliemolliemou · 24/02/2017 16:20

where will it end? engagement party WTF with money towards a wedding, then a bridal shower and hen/stag night followed by wedding then a baby shower and christening presents. Maybe I'm doing them down but I've never heard of an engagement party.

I'd not go and like pps send £20 instead of champagne. and not go to the wedding when they'll be asking for funds for the honeymoon.

FreeNiki · 24/02/2017 16:25

I dont see the point of engagement parties.

Just get bloody married and have a party then.

I guess they will then want money towards the honeymoon at the wedding?

WhispersOnTheWind · 24/02/2017 16:26

Cheby but it's two different things, surely. The engagement party money is to pay for the wedding, the wedding money is to pay for the honeymoon. How else are they supposed to be able to afford to do it? Shock

amusedbush · 24/02/2017 16:26

I didn't have an engagement party, I feel I've missed an opportunity to fleece all of my friends and family. Sad SadGrin

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