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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman who is a 'carer' should not have left her client.

129 replies

littlefrog3 · 24/02/2017 08:35

Me and DH went for a coffee the other day, and saw a woman from our neighbourhood (who is frankly quite annoying; the sort you walk a mile to avoid.) She works for an agency as a 'carer,' though personally I wouldn't leave a dog in her care.

So me and DH waved as we walked to the far end of the coffee shop, and sat down with our lattes for a chat. 2 minutes in, and this woman came toddling along towards us, and just started randomly talking to us 'how are you both? How's work? What are you doing here? Yada yada blah blah.'

All this time, the woman she was 'caring' for (a vulnerable woman with learning difficulties,) was sat on her own, right up the other end of the coffee shop, near to the exit. This woman had her back to the woman she is supposed to be caring for.

Me and DH said 'do you think you better go back to that lady you're caring for?' She said 'she'll be OK,' and carried on whittering. 5 minutes later she went back to her; but only after we said 'we need to go now.' We left sooner than we intended to did because she was ruining our coffee and chat together, and we felt uncomfortable with her leaving the woman she was meant to be 'caring' for. She could have run off or harmed herself or anything!

So did she do wrong? (Leaving the woman on her own.) And would you do anything about it? (eg report her?) She isn't the type you talk to about it, as she would kick off and slag you off to everyone, and if she WAS reported, (by someone else,) she would think it was us.

OP posts:
OhhBetty · 24/02/2017 11:43

Like MissingPanda I wouldn’t have chatted to someone if I was working either.

bloodyteenagers · 24/02/2017 12:20

ohhberty and MissingPanda You may not have chatted to someone. Others would. My son would have insisted that you went and chatted to the person. He would have harassed you until you went and spoke to the person that waved. He would have been confused as to why you was ignoring someone that is saying hello to you. He would have thought maybe you didn't like the person and would have badgered you until you gave a reason.He also has an excellent memory for faces, and the next time depending on his mood, he may approach that person and mention the conversation he had.
He would have gotten up to either encourage you to talk to the person.
Depending on his day he may have gotten upset because of the confusion.
Depending on his day would he would have gotten louder.
Depending on the day he might have had a 'melt down'.
Depending on the day he might have shrugged his shoulders, but then agonised over it all night, not slept and kept me awake.

But everything was in his plan. And his carers were meant to treat him as a young adult then adult, not a young child/toddler. Being treated like a child would have meant issues for us in the house, and next time he wouldn't want to go out with you.

And you want to know why?
Independence, socialising in normal circumstances and treated as an adult not a young child.

Think about it. You are out with your mates in a bar. You see another friend across the bar and they wave to you. Do you ignore them or do you say to the group, I'll be back in a sec? Most people would be back in a sec and go and have a quick chat with the other person.

Chachaow · 24/02/2017 12:34

It's obvious you're just trying to justify reporting her because you don't like her.

kali110 · 24/02/2017 12:50

OhhBetty yes i'm aggreeing with you! I'm completely offended by op's posts!

ShowMeWhatYouGot · 24/02/2017 12:50

YABVU and quite rude frankly

Not every "mentally ill" person needs to be watched 24/7. In fact I imagine it's one of the only times they get to spend on their own.

I'm sure the lady carer would not have left the client for any amount of time if they were in danger in any way.

You sound spiteful, reporting the lady now because of some posts you didn't like is just plain mean.

MissingPanda · 24/02/2017 18:01

bloodyteenagers just seen your post.

When I said I wouldn't go over and speak to someone I was saying it with my service users in mind. Your son's needs would obviously require me to act differently so that is what I would do. I try to act with my service users best interests in mind.

When I said I wouldn't go over and talk I meant it but I would acknowledge someone waving to me by waving back. I wouldn't just ignore them. I wasn't meaning to sound judgemental of anyone who would go over. Each set of circumstances is different.

LucklessMonster · 24/02/2017 18:10

Anybody else wondering why this lady wanted to talk to the OP? Or why anyone would want to talk to her...?

Sallystyle · 24/02/2017 18:40

Reporting her? Nice one, even if she didn't do anything wrong do you know how awful it could be? I was accused of something recently at work which I didn't do. I cleared my name but it was awful and stressful and just made me feel like shit.

All you know is that she left her on her own for 5 minutes. You can't report someone for that. I used to be a carer for two women. One I would never let out of my sight, the other one I would often leave for 10 minutes at time which was a part of her care plan.

You don't like this woman so you're going to stir trouble up for her.

JustSpeakSense · 24/02/2017 18:45

YABVU

Perhaps the lady in question wanted some time alone to enjoy her coffee without the carer hanging around, and asked her to give her some space.

You presume you know what her needs are, but you don't.

You have judged both her and her carer, based on no real facts.

UnbornMortificado · 24/02/2017 18:47

The rude and sarcastic responses on here have made me decide to report her.

That makes sense.

UnbornMortificado · 24/02/2017 18:55

And whether the woman had learning difficulties or is mentally ill or both, who cares?

The carer probably cares. Hence the name.

You just don't like the women, her service users probably do.

You just sound vindictive, if you sound like such a cow in RL I doubt the company will take you seriously.

Caring is fucking hard, it's looked down upon a lot. I once had a service users relative complain I'd broke their family members rib, after performing CPR successfully Hmm

You can't do right for doing right.

isadoradancing123 · 24/02/2017 19:01

Why not mind your own business. The career knows her client and client may well be very happy to have some time on her own. You don't know how severe her issues are .

Trifleorbust · 24/02/2017 20:32

If you don't want to be treated like a twat, don't act like one.

OhhBetty · 24/02/2017 21:17

kali110 sorry I got confused!!
bloodyteenagers I wrote in my first post about care plans. Each service user should be worked with in a person centred way.

salsmum · 25/02/2017 05:37

As a Carer for an agency and a mum of a adult with disabilities I think the support worker-Carer was probably a little careless in having her back to her charge because then she wouldn't know what's happening ( if indeed anything) other than that if you report this lady it could have serious consequences with her agency esp if you ring as a ' concerned member of public' ...sorry o.p. But folks are too quick to judge others and when I'm out with my DD who looks a bit younger than her nearly 28 years sitting in a pub restaurant having a drink with her meal I'm now more aware than ever that although my DD has capacity there maybe someone ' observing' us thinking I'm a paid Carer and my DD is my client and I'm acting in a reckless way...you cannot always know the whole story from 10 minutes observation.

Chamonix1 · 25/02/2017 06:29

It depends entirely on the lady she is supporting. Do you know her personally?
I look after adults with the mental age of a 5 year old, who could at any point have a huge sensory meltdown and become very distressed and also look after another adult whos disabilities look far more profound to someone who doesn't know her, however I could easily explain that I was just nipping over there (often leave her sat at a table whilst I order food and drinks) and that I'd be back soon and she is more than capable of sitting on her own for 5/10 minutes if needed. Her capacity is far greater.
She should technically not be talking to you whilst at work though, I should imagine the service user/funding pay for 1-1 care but nobody is perfect.
Sounds like your issue is more With to woman being an irritant.

Chamonix1 · 25/02/2017 06:34

"The rude and sarcastic responses on here have made me decide to report her. She obviously isn't doing her job properly."
Sounds like a really good reason to potentially jeopardise someone's career, over something you (as a complete unknowledgeable outsider who doesn't distinguish between MH and learning/physical disabilities) deem unacceptable.
That may well be the only cater that service user has ever been happy on the company of, but please OP do report her because mumsnet offended you (she did ruin your latte to be fair)

TheFirstMrsDV · 25/02/2017 09:27

I look after adults with the mental age of a 5 year old
Please don't use that terminology. It is not accurate and perpetuates harmful myths about people with learning disabilities.

cansu · 25/02/2017 09:34

to be honest you are coming across as a busybody yourself! I have a child with learning disabilities and there are certainly times when it would be OK to have a chat with someone in a coffee shop whilst with my elder child. People with learning disabilities may need close constant support or may just need help going out and about in the community. For all you know this person could live relatively independently and the carer takes them out to cafe and shops for a couple of hours as a companion. Anyway you are reporting her because you dislike her which is pretty off. How would you feel if someone reported you for something related to your job simply because they could?

Chamonix1 · 25/02/2017 12:18

Well, no I do. I work with adults who have been assessed by professionals who have said that they lack capacity and they've likened it to that of a 5 year olds. It's certainly not deemed to be offensive but as a bench mark for their capacity to make certain decisions Confused

UnbornMortificado · 25/02/2017 12:20

MrsD that term gets used in my care company, I see where your coming from though I don't like it either

Sugarlightly · 25/02/2017 12:23

To PPs - Learning difficulties and Learning disabilities aren't the same thing either.

Voice0fReason · 25/02/2017 16:05

I look after adults with the mental age of a 5 year old
The reason why it is unhelpful and offensive is that it lumps this adult's entire abilities into that of a 5 year old when that is almost inevitably not true. They are an adult with varied abilities, some of which may be similar to a child, but others will definitely be adult level.
It is so dismissive and implies the adult will never be able to do anything much, to the degree where there is no point in trying because they are not mentally capable of anything that a 5 year old wouldn't be capable of.

user1486499646 · 25/02/2017 16:29

If you need a carer then shouldnt they be with them at all times... They do g just have them forno rewson she shouldnthave left her there she was wrong

AlbertHerbertHawkins · 25/02/2017 16:35

I think you should mind your own business tbh.

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